Here I am with one of the most important topics to cover. Its about the best days of my Life when I lived for me not for anyone else and I did not care about being vulnerable or showing up the weakness. You might be wondering as how these can be defined as best days. So answer to your question, as they say that best days for any human being is when he/she learnt new ways or they discover themselves or they Live the life fullest. If I look at myself 8 years ago, I was the one who used to define terms of my life and who was not afraid of anything and was always ready for consequences of his own actions. As life is all about facing changes and adopt it and I was no exception.
When my friends got to know about this Blog
then they have forced me to write something about the days which we spent
together in Gurgaon at my flat 3201. It was a open BAR for all my friends (I
have very few friends) and I am not going to name these people as most of these
are the best kids at their home. This all got started at 18th
October 2019 or later in October when some chain of events forced me to rethink
about all the current arrangements in life (I am not gonna talk about it). I
needed a distraction and Anchor who can hold me there for sometime so I can
figure out most of the things on my own either by overthinking or logically. These are the folks I relied on and I trusted my Life with them. Like
everyone else in this world, I hate being vulnerable but the comfort some of
them have provided me was unmatchable. One of them believes that our connection
is because of selfishness of both the parties and that was true in the
beginning (Cant write much).
I am listing down the last few days of my life which I spent in Gurgaon in 3201.
12th March: It was a sudden when I got to know that WFH was started in the company and this should be followed religiously. I was suppose to be relieved on 16th as it was my last day as per my plan but as always my plans never worked out the way I want them. I have MN to help me relieved this day only as I do not want to start this setup for two days and surprisingly KP also joined the forces. I must say I was more concerned about the product review on Monday which was kind of nightmare for me. So finally it was decided that today is my last day and I was not able to react to this. I was forced by someone to meet the founders and I did as I was told and later in the evening entire team was ready for in house party at 3201. Planning was done and we were sitting at my place with all sort of arrangements which was enough to make us high. I still remember the game where the movie name suppose to be guessed and I have given “Langda daude Gali Gali” which is not qualified as a movie but everything is fair in competition. Then we have discussed what I feel about all the people available in group that day, apart from one person all my opinion was true and for that person I was honest only 40% as my honesty would not have served the higher purpose so I choose to hide few facts. That day I felt very humble as so many people said good things about me and I felt the same way for them. When this party got over and it was time to say good bye to each and everyone of them. It was done in most decent manner as I was too high to comment on this now. I decided that I will make the best use of the rest of the days so instead of planning for entire days, I started one day at a time so I have 13th (Friday), 16th (Monday), 17th (Tuesday) and 18th (Wednesday) so we planned for 13th March.
13th March: Following the philosophy
one day at a time, I was all set for the day where we were suppose to meet on
breakfast followed by movie and post that plan was yet to be created. I have
reached to the decided place where someone was connected to the internet and
taking business call so I concentrated on ordering breakfast and once everyone
was there we moved to movie and at that time we didn’t know that it was Irfan
Khan’s last performance which we were watching. This day I got a chance to choose
my farewell gift (watch) so we have visited few places and finalized it. There
are very limited colors in my life so I get settled with Black. We have ordered
food and carry it to my place 3201 where we did lot of Bakar and had few beers.
The time has come to call it a day and trust me it was the most amazing day
where no stress on work and anything, I was happy being me and living the
moment. In evening (later) BV came from Delhi to have an extended party where I
was already down with couple of beers. So me, VT and BV started with the session
and it was one of those sessions which you can not forget where your friends
push you to accept something which they think you are denying and they give you
reality check. We were high like anything, even today when I see those pics I
could not stop my laugh. We were given dare where I have to call my one of my
contacts and other have to send random Insta requests which later I got
to know that VT got lucky and task was done. We were making notes so we
can discuss tomorrow. It was hell of a ride as I have revisited all those
memories which we have created in 6 years and counting it on for more years.
16th March: Day has started, and I
was officially jobless as my last was 13th March in office and as decided
we (KP and me) have to give a farewell lunch to the team. We reached to the venue and we were waiting for the
team members to join. As I said my planning never go as expected so due to
Covid only few of them make to the lunch and I was kind of sad initially but it
turned out to be the best day as we had lot of fun. One thing I could say
that I have earned some place in these people life who turned out to the venue and
for those who called me to tell that they won’t make it. The lunch got over and we decided to do after
lunch catchup in one of the open restaurants as it was few of the last days I had
at my end to be with them. Trust me I felt like I was in some sort of movie and
my life is about to end so I wanted to maximize the exposure. This was the day
I got to know if you order coffee you have to say extra hot else they will give
you coffee on some random temperature. I am quick learner that way. I got two very thoughtful
gifts one was watch which was my favorite and second one was Poker set as
someone thought I am a gambler which some how I did not deny. It was a day well spent and I asked someone that I want to meet
tomorrow and my request was honored. I came to 3201 and VT and RR was there
with Beers and food as my entire home was shifted to Bangalore on 15th
and I was left with one mattress and bedsheet. These guys always make me feel important
and sometimes I feel I am not worthy enough for their compliments as it
increased my responsibility and attachments towards them and I hate
attachments. This day passed and I was thinking what I would do when I wont be
around with them, I have never felt the same whenever I left something behind
in order to move forward. Some drunk and high calls done today too as when I
cant sleep I think.
17th March: Yesterday was my
farewell lunch and courtesy Covid very few of people turnout to appear and I
was glad those people are there who mattered me the most. I keep on asking what
is the plan and I got one, we were meeting again today. I was excited like a
kid who got his way to full fill his wish to get his favorite toy or icecream.
We meet again and this day was very special as I got to know about the person
very thoroughly and I realized that the connection between us was beyond comprehension
and as this person (he/she) was the most beautiful soul I have ever come across. I was so involved in knowing the story it
seems some was walking me through my own life's decision. This was the day I fall for the
idea of being with that person. I am known to be a person who can hide emotions
and show absolute detachment, I was trying very hard to keep up the reputation.
These 4 hours I can trade with anything in my life and that day we did not click
pictures and I was containing and creating as much memories as I can. My other gang
was waiting for me at a Bar where I reached around 2030 hours lost in thoughts
if I can stop the time at that point and keep listening those words which were giving
me validation that my profiling was not wrong and that person is the one. Do
not have liberty to write more so moving on to the party which was already started
as I have already delayed. We were having the drinks and MR. RR, VT and BV were
crazy which I have not seen them earlier. I have to make a promise to them that
we will be in touch and trust me it is a bigger commitment which I have given
my office mates in last 10 years. I do not want to be in touch because emotions
were not good for my health as a overthinker and emotional person. We finished two bottles that day and was singing songs out loud. Still remember RR dance
moves and VT’s drunken moves.
18th March: This was the D day when I have to
leave from Gurgaon permanently with some promises to my closed people that I
would bring them to the place where I was going and I still trying.
The day started with an Hangover as some stuff was there which has to be
finished before I move out from Gurgaon and that was last stock. I was so Sad
and confused and was not able to determine my mood as this was a new feeling
after the long time where moving away from few people was very difficult. I
hate to admit since 28th Jan till this date I regret my decision to move on but
me being me I have to test out something and I have to be sure about my
feelings and surroundings. Mr. VT has went to office and he suppose to come in
the evening when I have to leave and Mr. RR was busy with his own shit as he
was already happy being secret Santa. I waited till I received a call to
reach out some place where we all three can meet and courtesy Covid few places
were open so we met at one of the open property in Gurgaon where we had
lots of discussion related to office stuff and most avoidable question of my
Life as what I am gonna do when I am away from the people I cared and loved. Later
in the afternoon we moved out to the place where I have last drinks of the day
in Gurgaon with one of my favorite people. This still feels fresh when I
suppose to enjoy the moment but the only thing I could think at that point of
time that I wont be able to see them ever (Given my destiny’s past track
record). I was in a dilemma what should I say and how should I say that these 5
months were the best part of my life but the current circumstances did allow me
to confess. Then I got dropped of at my place and that 5 last minutes still
make me feel sad and I can trade anything to keep that moment freeze. On a
lighter note I still have the video of breathless song which was performed in the
car. Crazy memories… I reached to 3201 and my gang was waiting for me with more
alcohol as if they wont get a chance to meet me again. I gave courage to them
rather I would say to myself that we will meet again and I left for Railway
station. When I was in Cab through out the journey till I reach my home town I
was not able to sleep each and every small things which we spoke argued were
fresh in my memory and those are still intact. Those chats are precious to me
and give me strength and tell me that I am human too who just got stuck in
wrong time.
Today, 18th March 2021, when I look back and recall these memories then I think that those days couldn't be better than they already are. It seems as If these happened yesterday. I am a prisoner to these memories where I play victim, judge and lawyer to defend my judgements and till now I am not sure if I could have handled it in better manner or My judgement was right to move away from the people I cared. Writing these memories are my attempt to over come my most felt fear where I see myself loosing my memory or blocking my memories. This is my attempt to bring back good times which we spent alongside and these I would want to take it to my grave. Whatever I felt was real and even if I try to hide it from the world but I have to be honest to myself.
