Revisiting the Memory Lane - 3201

Here I am with one of the most important topics to cover. Its about the best days of my Life when I lived for me not for anyone else and I did not care about being vulnerable or showing up the weakness. You might be wondering as how these can be defined as best days. So answer to your question, as they say that best days for any human being is when he/she learnt new ways or they discover themselves or they Live the life fullest. If I look at myself 8 years ago, I was the one who used to define terms of my life and who was not afraid of anything and was always ready for consequences of his own actions. As life is all about facing changes and adopt it and I was no exception.

When my friends got to know about this Blog then they have forced me to write something about the days which we spent together in Gurgaon at my flat 3201. It was a open BAR for all my friends (I have very few friends) and I am not going to name these people as most of these are the best kids at their home. This all got started at 18^th October 2019 or later in October when some chain of events forced me to rethink about all the current arrangements in life (I am not gonna talk about it). I needed a distraction and Anchor who can hold me there for sometime so I can figure out most of the things on my own either by overthinking or logically. These are the folks I relied on and I trusted my Life with them. Like everyone else in this world, I hate being vulnerable but the comfort some of them have provided me was unmatchable. One of them believes that our connection is because of selfishness of both the parties and that was true in the beginning (Cant write much).

I am listing down the last few days of my life which I spent in Gurgaon in 3201.

12^th March: It was a sudden when I got to know that WFH was started in the company and this should be followed religiously. I was suppose to be relieved on 16^th as it was my last day as per my plan but as always my plans never worked out the way I want them. I have MN to help me relieved this day only as I do not want to start this setup for two days and surprisingly KP also joined the forces. I must say I was more concerned about the product review on Monday which was kind of nightmare for me. So finally it was decided that today is my last day and I was not able to react to this. I was forced by someone to meet the founders and I did as I was told and later in the evening entire team was ready for in house party at 3201. Planning was done and we were sitting at my place with all sort of arrangements which was enough to make us high. I still remember the game where the movie name suppose to be guessed and I have given “Langda daude Gali Gali” which is not qualified as a movie but everything is fair in competition. Then we have discussed what I feel about all the people available in group that day, apart from one person all my opinion was true and for that person I was honest only 40% as my honesty would not have served the higher purpose so I choose to hide few facts. That day I felt very humble as so many people said good things about me and I felt the same way for them. When this party got over and it was time to say good bye to each and everyone of them. It was done in most decent manner as I was too high to comment on this now. I decided that I will make the best use of the rest of the days so instead of planning for entire days, I started one day at a time so I have 13^th (Friday), 16^th (Monday), 17^th (Tuesday) and 18^th (Wednesday) so we planned for 13^th March.

13^th March: Following the philosophy one day at a time, I was all set for the day where we were suppose to meet on breakfast followed by movie and post that plan was yet to be created. I have reached to the decided place where someone was connected to the internet and taking business call so I concentrated on ordering breakfast and once everyone was there we moved to movie and at that time we didn’t know that it was Irfan Khan’s last performance which we were watching. This day I got a chance to choose my farewell gift (watch) so we have visited few places and finalized it. There are very limited colors in my life so I get settled with Black. We have ordered food and carry it to my place 3201 where we did lot of Bakar and had few beers. The time has come to call it a day and trust me it was the most amazing day where no stress on work and anything, I was happy being me and living the moment. In evening (later) BV came from Delhi to have an extended party where I was already down with couple of beers. So me, VT and BV started with the session and it was one of those sessions which you can not forget where your friends push you to accept something which they think you are denying and they give you reality check. We were high like anything, even today when I see those pics I could not stop my laugh. We were given dare where I have to call my one of my contacts and other have to send random Insta requests which later I got to know that VT got lucky and task was done. We were making notes so we can discuss tomorrow. It was hell of a ride as I have revisited all those memories which we have created in 6 years and counting it on for more years.

16^th March: Day has started, and I was officially jobless as my last was 13^th March in office and as decided we (KP and me) have to give a farewell lunch to the team. We reached to the venue and we were waiting for the team members to join. As I said my planning never go as expected so due to Covid only few of them make to the lunch and I was kind of sad initially but it turned out to be the best day as we had lot of fun. One thing I could say that I have earned some place in these people life who turned out to the venue and for those who called me to tell that they won’t make it. The lunch got over and we decided to do after lunch catchup in one of the open restaurants as it was few of the last days I had at my end to be with them. Trust me I felt like I was in some sort of movie and my life is about to end so I wanted to maximize the exposure. This was the day I got to know if you order coffee you have to say extra hot else they will give you coffee on some random temperature. I am quick learner that way. I got two very thoughtful gifts one was watch which was my favorite and second one was Poker set as someone thought I am a gambler which some how I did not deny. It was a day well spent and I asked someone that I want to meet tomorrow and my request was honored. I came to 3201 and VT and RR was there with Beers and food as my entire home was shifted to Bangalore on 15^th and I was left with one mattress and bedsheet. These guys always make me feel important and sometimes I feel I am not worthy enough for their compliments as it increased my responsibility and attachments towards them and I hate attachments. This day passed and I was thinking what I would do when I wont be around with them, I have never felt the same whenever I left something behind in order to move forward. Some drunk and high calls done today too as when I cant sleep I think.

17^th March: Yesterday was my farewell lunch and courtesy Covid very few of people turnout to appear and I was glad those people are there who mattered me the most. I keep on asking what is the plan and I got one, we were meeting again today. I was excited like a kid who got his way to full fill his wish to get his favorite toy or icecream. We meet again and this day was very special as I got to know about the person very thoroughly and I realized that the connection between us was beyond comprehension and as this person (he/she) was the most beautiful soul I have ever come across. I was so involved in knowing the story it seems some was walking me through my own life's decision. This was the day I fall for the idea of being with that person. I am known to be a person who can hide emotions and show absolute detachment, I was trying very hard to keep up the reputation. These 4 hours I can trade with anything in my life and that day we did not click pictures and I was containing and creating as much memories as I can. My other gang was waiting for me at a Bar where I reached around 2030 hours lost in thoughts if I can stop the time at that point and keep listening those words which were giving me validation that my profiling was not wrong and that person is the one. Do not have liberty to write more so moving on to the party which was already started as I have already delayed. We were having the drinks and MR. RR, VT and BV were crazy which I have not seen them earlier. I have to make a promise to them that we will be in touch and trust me it is a bigger commitment which I have given my office mates in last 10 years. I do not want to be in touch because emotions were not good for my health as a overthinker and emotional person. We finished two bottles that day and was singing songs out loud. Still remember RR dance moves and VT’s drunken moves.

18^th March: This was the D day when I have to leave from Gurgaon permanently with some promises to my closed people that I would bring them to the place where I was going and I still trying. The day started with an Hangover as some stuff was there which has to be finished before I move out from Gurgaon and that was last stock. I was so Sad and confused and was not able to determine my mood as this was a new feeling after the long time where moving away from few people was very difficult. I hate to admit since 28th Jan till this date I regret my decision to move on but me being me I have to test out something and I have to be sure about my feelings and surroundings. Mr. VT has went to office and he suppose to come in the evening when I have to leave and Mr. RR was busy with his own shit as he was already happy being secret Santa. I waited till I received a call to reach out some place where we all three can meet and courtesy Covid few places were open so we met at one of the open property in Gurgaon where we had lots of discussion related to office stuff and most avoidable question of my Life as what I am gonna do when I am away from the people I cared and loved. Later in the afternoon we moved out to the place where I have last drinks of the day in Gurgaon with one of my favorite people. This still feels fresh when I suppose to enjoy the moment but the only thing I could think at that point of time that I wont be able to see them ever (Given my destiny’s past track record). I was in a dilemma what should I say and how should I say that these 5 months were the best part of my life but the current circumstances did allow me to confess. Then I got dropped of at my place and that 5 last minutes still make me feel sad and I can trade anything to keep that moment freeze. On a lighter note I still have the video of breathless song which was performed in the car. Crazy memories… I reached to 3201 and my gang was waiting for me with more alcohol as if they wont get a chance to meet me again. I gave courage to them rather I would say to myself that we will meet again and I left for Railway station. When I was in Cab through out the journey till I reach my home town I was not able to sleep each and every small things which we spoke argued were fresh in my memory and those are still intact. Those chats are precious to me and give me strength and tell me that I am human too who just got stuck in wrong time.

Today, 18^th March 2021, when I look back and recall these memories then I think that those days couldn't be better than they already are. It seems as If these happened yesterday. I am a prisoner to these memories where I play victim, judge and lawyer to defend my judgements and till now I am not sure if I could have handled it in better manner or My judgement was right to move away from the people I cared. Writing these memories are my attempt to over come my most felt fear where I see myself loosing my memory or blocking my memories. This is my attempt to bring back good times which we spent alongside and these I would want to take it to my grave. Whatever I felt was real and even if I try to hide it from the world but I have to be honest to myself.

My Squad - The 2 AM Buddies

Its about time that I should write something about my friends and some of the people who are very special in my Life. I always feel privileged to be around them and sometimes I doubt if I deserve any of them. Knowing me they choose to be around and they show me the mirror at times and defend me when I am not around (I would like to believe that else I will kill him/her). They handle my mood swings, my crazy thought process and my sky high expectations from them (I am the one who give Gyan on not expect anything from anyone). Few of them do status call to check up on me and most of them are connected either via messenger or telepathy (We talk to each other when we get stuck and need each other’s help). They stay up late with me dissecting the meaning of life, motivate me to video call people and propose first girl on my recent calls, sometimes inspire me to improve myself, keep my secrets and they are the perfect ROI mutual funds where Risk is not subject to market risk.

Why I love them and want to keep them forever in my portrait of Life (Yes, I have this stupid portrait where all important people in life are there and posing). Everyone must have a friends like these. Now let me tell you why they are the closest to me and they know the actual version of me (I have split personality too). If you do not have such friends you are missing out. Here’s why (I will ask money from them for writing this):

They show me the Mirror (No Bullshit)

They say honesty is the best policy, I would say honesty is a sensitive thing. They will lie out of kindness to protect your feelings because they think friendship is more important than the truth. On the other hand the trust is invested where I can say they are not the people to play mind games or go behind peoples back. When you ask for advice, if they are your best friends they will cut the chase and without sugar coating they will say what is right. It is a painful experience and you might not be used to receive such brutal truth but you are happy because the intentions are good.

They Will Never Lie

They might go with Poker face and keep quite but they won’t lie to your face. You expect them to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Before someone can think or take this literally (we lie to each others in harmless manner), this only applies in situations when someone’s trust is on the line. If they are in the mood then you can get the whatever version of reality to they are experimenting at that point of time. They will play you like nobody’s business.

They will bring better of you

They will have big plans for the future and they enjoy strategizing about how to accomplish them. One of the great thing they provide in a friendship is a desire to constantly improve themselves and Hope to you and their focus at work is contagious. When they get to know that there is something you want, they'll provide a huge amount of direction and motivation to help you reach your goals.

They Get over Stuff

They would not hold a grudge and would love to end a fight. They will hold grounds on intellectual fights which you might have with them because those can impact both of the life. As per them holding grudge is a waste of energy and clearing things is new cool. Having an argument is quite an impersonal thing to a Rational, so even if he initially blows up, the relationship should soon go back to normal with no hard feelings. (He'll/she’ll still think your logic sucks, though.)

One thing I can say for sure just don’t expect forgiveness if you seriously harm or betray your best friend. If he/she is sure that you are not worthy they will end the friendship.

He/She is your 2 AM Buddy

You need a shoulder to cry on, you need someone to talk about your ex. You need to do brainstorm they will be there for you. I have 3 guys, 1 brother and 1 Girl on my speed dial for such crises. They might not enjoy small talks and I have never talk to them formally if my memory serves me correctly but when you have deep discussion about politics, corona or why earth is round then they are the best in business. I use them as Devil’s advocate to challenge my ideas. They are just awesome and you can be you without being judged.

They are your bank locker

If you do not want to discuss your personal life, they are perfectly fine with that arrangements and if you want to discuss issues then you can be vulnerable they will hear you out and suggest one idea or two. They are not interested in exposing your secret. They keep their softer side closely guarded and expect others to do the same.

Over share and you won't regret it, though. Your true friend will understand how hard it is to open up and make yourself vulnerable to someone – they would never abuse that trust.

They set you Free and rescue you in crises

If you choose to be off the radar for few months or ignoring every social engagement then you best friend will accept that with open heart. (I do most of the time, I think Time is precious and I am giving that to someone I care so it’s worth it). They’d prefer it if you both gave each other the freedom to come and go as you please. A good friend will check in with you if it's been too long, but they'll never put demands on you or insist that you hang out or put a condition which you need to follow. There's no codependence in this relationship!

No matter what you're struggling with, they'll encourage you to see all sides of the situation and recognize that there's always a way out. It's all about perspective.

They are Crazy and exact opposite of normal people

They won’t make friends because they are supposed to but they make friends because they choose to. If you are friends with this type which means you are interesting and you are valued. You are a trusted member of a pretty exclusive club. It takes a lot for them to invest in a friendship, and a lot more to scare them away once they've made that investment. They'll take you as you are with all your trait and craziness, and they won't get embarrassed if you're operating outside of social norms

I have very few friends and people whom I can trust and can take bullet for them. For me being in my elite group means a lot to me. It’s a promise that I will be there with you to the bitter end and we can laugh post the dust of uncertainty gets settled. Always remember if someone tries to hurt you trust me I know where to bury dead bodies too (Just Kidding). Thank you for being there with me.