Maa, Me and Cancer - A Phase of Life

I have stated enough and most of the people around me know that My Mom is my support function and I am yet to imagine a life without her. I would say I am not prepared for the day when she would not be around and thinking of that frightened me and sometimes reasons of my sleepless night. I am still processing the news which I got 10 months ago when we have discovered that she has this disease named “Cancer”. I have never thought that I would have the first-hand experience of this life-threatening disease. This disease required rigorous treatment and if someone has been diagnosed with this then apart from the that person their family and friends will experience waves of emotions which can’t be explained. The diagnosis of cancer is a family experience that changes the lives of all its members, bringing an immense amount of stress and many challenging situations. The daily routine, common activities, and distribution of duties all must change.

I am known to be a less emotional person and somehow I have never tried to break the myth about it as it has helped me to not indulge in social activities. I have never thought in my life that a disease can change so much around me. It felt like my whole support system got infected and I could not able to breath because I am yet to figure out a life for me where I wont have my mother around. I can say it with 100% confidence that Cancer is a family experience, and often family members have as many problems coping with it as it does the diagnosed patient. The family goes through different stages of adjusting to the disease. The emotional reactions which include anger, bitterness, guilt and adjustment pain, and may or may not lead to the acceptance of the disease. Mom was also struggling with acceptance of the disease initially and we have seen multiple instances where we were in denial and shock and asking each other "This can't be true." Why this has to happen with us. Specially for me it was more like Anger and Rage as I already have my personal Life issues where I was seeking support from her and kept questioning to God as “This isn’t fair” and “Why me?” I am yet to get an answer but soon will find and will write about that too.

If I have to create a timeline of emotions for my Mom it would be like below (people say I like writing in points):

Anger and rage - "Why wasn't I protected from this?"

Stress and depression - "Why should I get treatment? I'll die anyway."

Grief and fear - "I will never feel safe again." “My Kids are suffering because of me”

We had so many late-night discussions and we had become “Cancer specialist” by searching day and night about the steps involved and about the treatments and Doctors.  Finally, we got the Doctor who suppose to treat and operate on Mom’s disease. People who got to know about her were telling that feeling strong and positive will help in healing process but the mood swings of Mom’s and me (I am known for my mood swings) was on different level. My emotions were hidden under the thick layer of Sarcasm and self-proclaimed astrologist who was telling everyone that everything would be fine. Before this post none would believe me that I was shit scared.

I always knew in my life that dealing with emotions would not be easy for me and I have stopped being vulnerable even in front of people who cares. When Mom diagnosed with Cancer, it was very difficult to identify and honor the feelings and there is no book in the world which can tell you the way to feel about something. Yet, working through your emotions can help lower stress. This can lead to improved mental and physical health.

I am no expert, but I can surly say people will tell you to be strong and have patience and faith but it is easier said than done. I have a very screwed up personal life (Discussion for some other day) and apart from MAA I had nothing to hold when I am down or when nothing is working out in life and suddenly your support function needs a deadly support, it is very difficult to cope up in this situation. When you are mentally not organised, you end up ruining all your personal connections and people.  People around you wont understand the situation you are going through and even you wont be able to explain because it seems very simple in other person’s head (as his Mom has cancer and treatment is going on and she would recover soon and this is a phase which will pass) but it’s difficult to explain as what’s happening to you mentally. I have never been known to share my feelings even if my life is on stake (not something I am proud of).

As I keep making points and try to find answers in bullet points. Here are my five pointers as how We (Mom and Family along with me) are going through this journey:

Accept your feelings: Be kind to yourself and avoid judging yourself for your emotions. Try to pay attention to what you’re feeling and spend time with people who are positive and uplifting. Many emotional challenges will lessen or go away as you move through cancer treatment. Your sense of hope and confidence can increase with time. At First going for operation was tough and due to 3^rd stage it was kind of difficult for everyone to keep hope but we did not have an option. First time we got to know or visit the doc was on my Birthday when I took Mom for doc visit and within 5 days my brother has consulted more than 10 doctors about this situation.

I might have irritated him much by asking stupid questions and he has also given some uncomfortable replies at that time as he was also going through the same emotional process and has different way of dealing with it. Once you accept your feelings and go through the pain of worst possibility then you can see the light and can hold the hand of Hope. Hope would work for you when you are mentally prepared for worst but in your heart you keep hope alive and each heartbeats says “Everything going to be alright”. In my best of Judgement (I have poor judgements too with no regrets) accepting your feelings and thoughts (negative or positive) in these kind of situation works.

How to deal with emotions: It's natural to feel loss after receiving a cancer diagnosis. At first, the thought of living with cancer and treatment can be overwhelming and my Mom was no exception. She could have gone to the verge of giving up Hope too, but we were there for the support. We kept her engage in this journey by making jokes on the disease or by telling her that we all are there in this. Having support system is an important part of dealing with emotions. Dealing with your emotions along with family members is like having cocktail when you do not like to mix your drink. It hits you hard and in some scenarios you blame yourself of the things which were beyond your control.

If feelings of sadness and depression grow stronger with time, for me I have a different type of coping mechanism. Either I find some anchor who can let me flow with my emotions and work as a support system. This has really worked for me all the time and last time it worked like a charm but this time the anchor was gone and I was vulnerable to emotions. Took a leap of faith and find a way to process my thoughts and emotions but having mood swings like mine it didn’t work out even if I tried not to ruin it but eventually, I am a champion in it. When I get no way out I started doing random things like travelling even if it is not required and taking help of some medicines too. I stopped writing since then because I didn’t find peace in that too (I am not a good writer though and it wont change a thing in the world).

My advice these emotional issues can be damaging so open up with people (might be sound like preaching but this is the best way to go about it) and you have to find right kind of people. :P

Deal with people reactions: For Mom dealing with the emotions and beliefs of other people about cancer may also be challenging. For example, those closest to her might worry about losing her. She was concerned about the changes in her life might affect us. In her own words “Everyone is around me and not going for work (WFH was blessing in disguise) and kind of money is getting spend makes me feel sad as I could not do much about it”. I can understand that It can be hard to deal with the fears of others while you are facing your own.

Sometimes people are not sure what to say when they learn you have cancer patient as your Mom. Even as they try to offer support, some might say or do things that hurt your feelings or offend you. Some people are uncomfortable thinking about the possibility of cancer in their own lives. Because of their own fears, they may not know the best way to help you with your illness.

Then comes second type of People who can also pass on incorrect information, false beliefs and myths about cancer. For example, although we don’t yet know what causes most types of cancers, people might try to tell you a reason for your cancer. They might give their opinion about the best cure for cancer. It becomes critical when their ideas and beliefs are different from yours. Whenever I see that happening I just speak up and let them know that doctors are doing their job and we (me and that person) are not qualified enough to pass judgement. I can surly say that people don’t like me.

Fear of recurrence: Even if Doctors and reports are positive and there are no signs but the thought of recurrence is always there with her. She might worry that every ache or pain is a sign of her cancer recurring. Eventually these fears will fade, though they may never go away completely. I keep on telling her that you should be honest about your feeling or any issue which you feel and try not to take guilt about your feeling or ignore them in hopes that they will go away.

In my opinion to fight this syndrome you have to take the control of the fear and see what you can do t influence your health. Try to do the following atleast:

• Go to all your follow up appointments: You may fear the worst when it's time for your next follow-up appointment. Don't let that stop you from going.
• Get all of your follow-up tests. Discuss with your doctor plans for follow-up and monitoring of your cancer. Together, you will formulate a specific follow-up plan based on your specific situation.
• Eat healthy and eat regularly
• Keep busy. Get out of the house and find activities that will take your mind off your fears.

Stress, Depression, Anxiety and Loneliness post treatment: All these are any which ways not good for health and when you are recovering from Cancer these could create issues too. All these are phycological and I will give you my Mom’s example, When she was diagnosed with Cancer and our entire focus was on treatment and timely medicine to make her healthy. She has followed all the instructions and now when she is nearing to complete the treatment (Radio therapy is running), all projects and her work around the house giving her stress because she wanted to complete everything in one go so she can catchup to the pace. When she is not able to do then Lingering feelings of sadness and anger can interfere with her daily life. For many people these feelings will dissipate. But for others, these feelings can develop into depression and anxiety. So we keep on having discussions and plans in order to give her small targets to reach so we both can be happy.

She feels some time as others cant understand that what she has been through, which makes it hard to relate to other people and can lead to loneliness. If she kept on feeling that way then we become unsure as how to help her as no one wants to upset her. We keep on interacting on the issues and medicine and other not much important stuff (about my future and life) with her which keep her busy.

I can keep on going as this phase has taught me a lot and make me a better human being. I got the clarity of mind and my overthinking skill has prepared me for better to worst scenarios. Most of you might find this post boring but this is my way to keep journal and record my emotional encounters. I hope next time I would come up with some interesting topic (suggestions can work).

Yes... I am a Capricorn Girl / Guy

As they say without observations you are not as human as you should be and somehow, I believed in this. Even I did not care to validate the saying. Most of the time we believe the only concept which is called “theory of convenience”. I have always tried to write about my experience, feelings and people around me so I can create a blog which I could refer when I will be sitting idle alone after 40 years.

There was someone who tend to tell me all the stupid things happening around him/her and I always pretended that I was listening. Few more people around me are Capricorn and keeping all those feelings and knowledge intact, I decided to write this post. One of the Capricorn has asked me recently as what I think about her, This is my reply and I hope it will reached to her via a Cancerian.

Capricorns are born between December 22nd and January 20th and belong to the Earth element of the zodiac. The Earth sign crew are all practical, self reliant, passive and ambitious. You would want them in your corner... but maybe not at a party. When we specifically talk about female Capricorn, the Capricorn women of the world can vary greatly when it comes to their looks, cultures, hobbies, and careers. All these Capricorn zodiac traits are more or less superficial. Although the Capricorn females are often different from each other on the outside, they are alike in the way they think and feel about many topics. This makes them great partners in life, as well as friends or collaborators.

Have you ever wondered what is it that makes Capricorn tick?

#1: Responsible

I have seen them to be accurate at keeping track of important things such as passwords, birthdays and all-important stuff which I considered as not so important (read useless). They own up the mistake and their learning capability allow them to move forward with force and allow them to successfully use these mistakes at the road to glory. They already as hard working and ambitious which makes them highly responsible types with a mature, rational, and disciplined approach to following the rules and pursuing their goals.

#2: REALISTIC (read: pessimistic)

They say they are realistic but I defined them as pessimistic. Their feet are so rooted that sometimes they will only focus on the negatives rather than the possibilities of positives. I am being told that Capricorns are being practical and grounded and want to see all the aspect before taking a decision. According to me being practical and grounded isn't always a good thing, especially when it causes you to focus on all the negatives in life.

When these people think too much about how things look rather than how things feel for them, they get stuck in a cycle of negativity and mood swings which makes other signs very helpless in convincing this zodiac. They want things to be perfect and Perfectionism is a problem for many Capricorns, as it frequently causes them to perceive failure as the ultimate dissatisfaction.

#3: AMBITIOUS (read: workaholic)

They are very obsessed and determined to show other people what they are made of. They are extremely ambitious people with lofty goals they're sure that they can fulfill, as long as they continue to work hard and put in as much effort as possible. They are always striving to do better, better than themselves and better than others⁠—and this force is what ultimately sustains them during those long, exhausting hours they dedicate to whatever it is they're trying to achieve.

I can say with surety if you are looking for someone to partner with on a project, a Capricorn should definitely be one of your top choices!

#4: Hardworking

Capricorns are one of the most serious, diligent signs of the zodiac. They are persistent when it comes to specific tasks, such as work-related projects and school papers, and work hard to ensure they get the result they want (whether that's a promotion or an A+, for example). This trait is by far one of the best things about Capricorns: they never give up!

Being a workaholic puts a ton of stress and pressure on Capricorn and is one way the sign works against its biggest strength. Since Capricorns can be extremely hard on themselves, it's advisable that they take the occasional break to concentrate on their physical and emotional health.

In short, never underestimate the tenacity of a Capricorn, I have never underestimated for sure!

#5: Stubborn

High on ambition and diligence makes this sign stubborn and they believe in holding high standards. As they value tradition and have a very strict way of thinking which makes it difficult for them to have open mind and you will find it almost impossible to change their mind. They're just too focused on the practical and worldly side of things to look beyond themselves.

In my opinion, its their way or the highway, a mentality that makes it understandably difficult for people to get along well with Capricorn.

Capricorns might be overly practical and stubborn at times, but they're also devoted and loyal to those they love. Please find below an overview how these people behave in relationships:

#Capricorn in Love

As we already know that they are a bit stiff and reserved but that does not mean they cant be an ideal partners. Trust me once you get to know a Capricorn on a deeper and more personal level, they will stay committed to you for life. You have to take a chance to get them to open up emotionally and trust me its worth for their loyalty. When it comes to romantic relationships, the Capricorn personality is an unusual combination of intensely devoted but lacking in emotion.

Sometimes I feel that they treat their romantic relationship as their Job in which they put in all the efforts. This practical approach can sometimes make the relationship feel clinical or unnatural but that’s not the case as it is just the way Capricorn best express their feelings.

#Capricorn in Family and Friendship

As this is established that Capricorns are loyal and hardworking which makes them more reliable person and they would be always there for you. As they are one of those who remember all important things hence they tend to feel strong connections to family traditions and their past, and generally look forward to birthdays, holidays, and communal dinners where they can enjoy in their memories with loved ones.

Outside family, Capricorns usually only have a few close friends but are reliable and will remain close to them for life specially with those who get to connect with them intellectually.

#Capricorn in Business

Capricorns do well in almost any type of job, so long as it affords them stability and the opportunity to succeed professionally (read: make a lot of money). If you want to get best out of them you have to make them in-charge of the work environment. As mentioned, this sign is known for pulling all-nighters and working until exhaustion, which can be both a good and a bad thing.

#Yes, I am a Capricorn Girl

Known for her sarcastic personality and dry sense of humor, a usually quiet Cap may surprise you with her loud belly laugh when something amuses her. Often described as conventional and traditional, many Capricorns are the secret weirdos of the Zodiac. She is Not one to wear their hearts on their sleeves, they may not give you any idea how they really feel. Learning to communicate clearly in the moment is always a boon to this stable and grounded earth sign, as she can often get stuck in her own ways. She always want to labelled everything in her world and find it difficult to shift from Plan A to plan B even if Plan B is awesome. Serious, focused, and hard-working, it’s great when a Capricorn can let loose a bit and find time to have fun, even though even her outings and vacations are carefully planned ahead of time.

At the end a Cap can be a role model for 21^st century people, some time their appearances are deceiving as few of them can keep up  appearances by putting smile their face and sounding happy even when they're battling demons, depressed, and finding little joy in their accomplishments or in their day-to-day life.

This post will become the longest and most of the time you may also loose the interest. Those of us that a born under the this zodiac sign are often the hardest workers of the zodiac and love nothing more than getting ahead in life. They are ambitious, determined, materialistic and strong.

No wonder they are always ahead of the curve! Don't you think they're just great?

If Mature You was to counsel Youthful You...! - A Letter

There is so much going on news channels and social media platform regarding the disheartening incident related to Sushant Singh Raajput. Suddenly everyone got concerned about the depression or loneliness of not only their friends and family but people around them as well. I have seen multiple posts which got surfaced on social media which talks about people to reach out to them to talk and stay in touch. Trust me I loved the gesture and intent of all those people. I am no expert and when it comes to comforting people, I might be below passing marks but when it come to lift up their strength especially mental; I am good. In my personal opinion our deepest fear is not our weakness but our strength which is beyond measure and we do not know yet, our capabilities to change the world. Due to this confusion and lack of facts, we come to a point where quitting seems easy and fighting seems too much. Trust me when I say this, it is a matter of few minutes when your grief, expectations and positivity is being clouded and you take a decision which cannot be justified in any means. As they say, “Death is the permanent solution of the temporary problems.”

Each one of us, at some point, go through that phase of life where life seems more complicated than you thought to be. You decide to fight and suddenly in your battle you feel like a lone warrior against invisible enemies which you cannot fight. I would like to write a open letter to younger me who was ready to take the life with a storm and have so many hopes and expectations in life and with people. This is my friendly advice to my younger self and I wish if I was there as a friend at that point of time.

Dear You,

First of all, you would be happy enough to know that I am there in future, irrespective of our ordeals in past we have made it through and from my perspective by flying colors. You should also know I loved you because the energy, passion and thinking ability you have is what made me stronger. You should hang in there and listen to people who say “at the end everything will make sense”, trust me it does and it could not be a better future for us especially if you analyze your current situation. This means you have handled yourself well.

I know it has been tough for you and you have started struggling with life. I might not able to fully understand your current situation as you would moved out from it well to keep me alive and energetic but I know that you have gone through situations no one should ever go through. You have dealt with issues a lot of people will never understand. You have emotional scars that might never go. You live in a world where sometimes you feel alone, forgotten and unimportant. You have spent more nights than you can count: crying, striving, being hurt to the extent of almost dying for the life you always wanted. You have always fathom when there is no lack of efforts from your end; then why these hardships??.

I know you are feeling like the million pound world is on your shoulder and you don’t know if you can hold it all. You don’t know if you are going to break or when you are going to break.

I know you feel like you can't do anything right. And at this point, you don't see how it will get better. You don't know if you can make it through another day like this. I know that no one knows how you are feeling because you are good at hiding things from people and sometimes you don’t even know yourself. You don't understand how or why you feel the way you do. But you also don't know how to feel anything else.

So I'm not going to tell you how you feel, or what will make it better, or to just keep your head up because none of that really matters. Instead, I am going to tell you how I feel now when I look back and remember about all these instances which make me feel low and put me down where I can’t even breathe.

I feel like you are a bright light in my life. Even though right now you may be in the darkest place that you could ever imagine, you need to know that you are the light at the end of the tunnel for me (I am standing outside of the tunnel with a trophy which will say “Yes! We did it again!). Right now you can count on your brother, he is matured than both of us till now and you should speak to him daily and share your stupid jokes and your day dreams and talk about the interviews where you got rejected today. He would not judge you, he still does not. He and I are your biggest supporter and your experience in life is something I can hold onto during my toughest days and your current suffering made me stronger.

I feel like you are one of the strongest people that I know and after this phase or many other phases in life people would look upto you because you would be the one who know how to handle pain and survive. The fact that you are feeling all of these things that you cannot define is terrifying, and yet you still manage to get out of bed and face the world each day. You paint a smile on your face. Whenever I recall our experience with the beggar,with my brother and friends;they still don’t believe, it seems impossible to them that we might have done something like that.

I feel like you thought that you and your problems are a burden to other people. You don't walk around complaining or even talking about your pain. Instead, you hold it all in, as not to annoy or worry anyone else. But I need you to know that I am here for a reason and you can find someone with whom you can share your feelings and they would understand it. When I tell you that I am here for anything you need, I'm not just saying that to be nice, I mean it. I know you would find your anchor in your brother soon. I expected one of our friends might bring us out of this mess but as you already know we are unlucky in this area. In future you might get good friends and people who would make you feel privileged.

As a friend I feel like I want to be here for you no matter what. It could be 3 o'clock in the morning and I will pick up my phone or answer my door for you. You can discuss about yourself with me because you would be able to make a better future if you just hang in there and do whatever it takes!

I have seen more world than you so you better listen to me; you have to be strong so you can support many people one day who might suffer the pain same as you are or even worse. So trust me when I say:

I promise you, it's not permanent. The sun rises every day to create something new, something wonderful, and you have to be a part of that. This world wouldn't be the same without you. There is a reason that you are here and there's a plan for you. A plan that you don't know about and I know it would work out well at the end. It is a surprise for you!

This is a big world with so much to see : so many things,inventions, developments, places and people to fall in love with, and you have to experience it all.

There's always going to be that little voice at back of your mind trying to bring you down, but have to learn how to silence it. Just think it through; you might be the best Biryani in the world and there is always going to be someone who does not like “Rice”.

Never let this disease and time define who you are.

And if you ever think you have no reason to be here, think of me. I need you here. I always have, and I always will. The stronger you are :the powerful I’ll be.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Yours,

Future that is totally dependent on you!

PS: Always remember at the end of the day, the only person who controls your happiness is you.

Tom & Jerry - My Partners since Childhood

As they say when in doubt always go back to basics for the clarity and clear your thought process. This quarantine pushed me to be at home for more than 90 days and these days were very crucial in my life as I have never spent so much of time sitting home idle. I have been suffering from mood swings, short temper, negative thought process and what not. I would not shy away with my responsibility of handling things as those might be better than the usual. I had tough time with my friends and family as I have shown tantrums and mood swings. To keep myself occupied I involved myself in writing and keeping distance to my loved ones except few. 

Keeping a low for more than 60 days I decided to redeem myself so I tried to go back to my childhood where the toughest decision was to identify ice-cream flavor or which cartoon to watch. I was so much involved in cartoons as I have few of my friends which are exactly like my cartoon characters and playing same role in my life.  In childhood my favorite cartoon was Tom and Jerry. Everyday I wanted to watch this cartoon for which I use to do all my homework and other work within the time frame. There were two main characters – Cat and Mouse. It was such a easy plot as every time Tom tried to catch Jerry. I thought it was very interesting. Also, there were a lot of funny situations that I remember well now. Of course, I like watching cartoons even now and I don’t agree that cartoons are only for children.

My favorite was Jerry and I like the way he put Tom is such a stupid situations. I felt sorry for Tom too but I loved those incidents. A significant part of my childhood has been spent watching cartoons, especially Tom & Jerry. Going down to that memory lane and trying to bring those incidents from which I have learnt very important life lessons. Tom & Jerry Wasn’t Just A Cartoon. It’s A Reflection of the Life & Struggles. The one thing I never really looked into was the philosophy of Tom & Jerry. Well, honestly, no kid does.  But today I believe this makes more sense.

This might sound cliché but that’s true and I will prove that via this post that a playful universe of Tom & Jerry is a reflection of all our real lives.

Tom and Jerry draws a brilliant analogy with the relationship we share with people in our life that’s called twisted relationship. Like few of my friends and few people they are hot then they are cold, they are yes and they are no, they are wrong when its right, they breakup and they make up. This sums up Tom and Jerry’s very twisted relationship.

The twisted friendship between Tom and Jerry draws a brilliant analogy with the relationships we share with people in today's world. That sums up Tom & Jerry's very twisted friendship just like all of our friendships. It also gives us an insight into our relationship with our close friends and siblings. Somehow, they never give up on each other even after going through the worse of the situations.

Haven’t you figured that our life is basically a maze with several blocks which is perfectly illustrated in Tom and Jerry. We encounter with the problem when we are least expecting them. The way Tom and Jerry creates those obstacles in the string of events which comes across as an identical situation of what happens to the best of us.

Who other than Tom and Jerry tells you that there is never a shortcut to success? There are instances in the show where Tom or Jerry try to take a shortcut to beat each other and then they end up pretty bad. This is a slight hint towards a bigger lesson that there is absolutely no shorter way to achieve what we really want in life. Take it or leave it. 

There will always be someone you will meet in your life who will make you feel 'small' or 'big'. Remember the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror thinking if you're good enough for someone or something? Honestly, I have felt that way too. We always believe that we are not that great than someone who is already present around you or that person might be existing in universe. We always tend to reflect more on our negatives than our positives and it is, in no way, your fault. This very fact is beautifully demonstrated through the characters of the show.

Your might is not measured in physical attributes and you are way bigger than you think you are. Period

The small can overcome the seemingly bigger and more powerful. It is a proven fact. But we forget and that is why we have Tom & Jerry who seem to scream this fact at the top of their voices throughout our childhood.

At last I would like to take a moment to appreciate the thought behind the creation of Jerry. A very small character with a conviction of the Gods. Life will constantly push you. Change is the only constant who other than Jerry can tells you that he upgrades himself with every move. I always wonder 

There are many ups and downs in Life. Don't worry, hang in there!

I remember one of those episodes where Tom signs on all his 'will papers' and is seen sitting on the railway tracks and one can hear train sounds. Tom says ,“In a few minutes, it'll all be over. It is better this way." You would be amazed to know the reason. It has to do with him falling for a Cat and his heart got broken. Now I understood that it was a display of a very week moment in Tom’s life, just like us who have got our heart broken at some point or the other. Mine was broken when I was in 3rd standard and I asked her to sit beside me and she denied (Yeah it was that intense). If you have recalled this episode then you would know that episode gives us a unique sneak peek into the deeply rooted friendship between Tom & Jerry drawing an imagery of our friends who are right beside us in the time of adversity or sad moments.

Every scar has a story

As you know crossing the obstacles will make you stronger. This is what Tom and Jerry stood for. No matter what happens, every scar is a story to tell and every experience is a lesson learnt. We keep rocking. We don’t quit!

Change your perception to look at a problem. Be a Game-Changer

One of the very important lesson to learn is the way they attack each other. Imagine if you are in a problem. You find solution A, then a B or C or D and you probably sleep on it. You ask people for advice and then you find a solution. It is all about looking at a problem from a different perspective just like Tom & Jerry who never seem to give up.

You will meet all kinds of people in life, some you will love, and some you will hate. Keep your friends and loved ones closer. We fight with our friends but we are always there for them, just like Tom & Jerry. Thank you all for being my Tom as I am Jerry who is fighting for life always and think that today is the last day of the life and always try to live the life at full speed. 

My Squad - The 2 AM Buddies

Its about time that I should write something about my friends and some of the people who are very special in my Life. I always feel privileged to be around them and sometimes I doubt if I deserve any of them. Knowing me they choose to be around and they show me the mirror at times and defend me when I am not around (I would like to believe that else I will kill him/her). They handle my mood swings, my crazy thought process and my sky high expectations from them (I am the one who give Gyan on not expect anything from anyone). Few of them do status call to check up on me and most of them are connected either via messenger or telepathy (We talk to each other when we get stuck and need each other’s help). They stay up late with me dissecting the meaning of life, motivate me to video call people and propose first girl on my recent calls, sometimes inspire me to improve myself, keep my secrets and they are the perfect ROI mutual funds where Risk is not subject to market risk.

Why I love them and want to keep them forever in my portrait of Life (Yes, I have this stupid portrait where all important people in life are there and posing). Everyone must have a friends like these. Now let me tell you why they are the closest to me and they know the actual version of me (I have split personality too). If you do not have such friends you are missing out. Here’s why (I will ask money from them for writing this):

They show me the Mirror (No Bullshit)

They say honesty is the best policy, I would say honesty is a sensitive thing. They will lie out of kindness to protect your feelings because they think friendship is more important than the truth. On the other hand the trust is invested where I can say they are not the people to play mind games or go behind peoples back. When you ask for advice, if they are your best friends they will cut the chase and without sugar coating they will say what is right. It is a painful experience and you might not be used to receive such brutal truth but you are happy because the intentions are good.

They Will Never Lie

They might go with Poker face and keep quite but they won’t lie to your face. You expect them to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Before someone can think or take this literally (we lie to each others in harmless manner), this only applies in situations when someone’s trust is on the line. If they are in the mood then you can get the whatever version of reality to they are experimenting at that point of time. They will play you like nobody’s business.

They will bring better of you

They will have big plans for the future and they enjoy strategizing about how to accomplish them. One of the great thing they provide in a friendship is a desire to constantly improve themselves and Hope to you and their focus at work is contagious. When they get to know that there is something you want, they'll provide a huge amount of direction and motivation to help you reach your goals.

They Get over Stuff

They would not hold a grudge and would love to end a fight. They will hold grounds on intellectual fights which you might have with them because those can impact both of the life. As per them holding grudge is a waste of energy and clearing things is new cool. Having an argument is quite an impersonal thing to a Rational, so even if he initially blows up, the relationship should soon go back to normal with no hard feelings. (He'll/she’ll still think your logic sucks, though.)

One thing I can say for sure just don’t expect forgiveness if you seriously harm or betray your best friend. If he/she is sure that you are not worthy they will end the friendship.

He/She is your 2 AM Buddy

You need a shoulder to cry on, you need someone to talk about your ex. You need to do brainstorm they will be there for you. I have 3 guys, 1 brother and 1 Girl on my speed dial for such crises. They might not enjoy small talks and I have never talk to them formally if my memory serves me correctly but when you have deep discussion about politics, corona or why earth is round then they are the best in business. I use them as Devil’s advocate to challenge my ideas. They are just awesome and you can be you without being judged.

They are your bank locker

If you do not want to discuss your personal life, they are perfectly fine with that arrangements and if you want to discuss issues then you can be vulnerable they will hear you out and suggest one idea or two. They are not interested in exposing your secret. They keep their softer side closely guarded and expect others to do the same.

Over share and you won't regret it, though. Your true friend will understand how hard it is to open up and make yourself vulnerable to someone – they would never abuse that trust.

They set you Free and rescue you in crises

If you choose to be off the radar for few months or ignoring every social engagement then you best friend will accept that with open heart. (I do most of the time, I think Time is precious and I am giving that to someone I care so it’s worth it). They’d prefer it if you both gave each other the freedom to come and go as you please. A good friend will check in with you if it's been too long, but they'll never put demands on you or insist that you hang out or put a condition which you need to follow. There's no codependence in this relationship!

No matter what you're struggling with, they'll encourage you to see all sides of the situation and recognize that there's always a way out. It's all about perspective.

They are Crazy and exact opposite of normal people

They won’t make friends because they are supposed to but they make friends because they choose to. If you are friends with this type which means you are interesting and you are valued. You are a trusted member of a pretty exclusive club. It takes a lot for them to invest in a friendship, and a lot more to scare them away once they've made that investment. They'll take you as you are with all your trait and craziness, and they won't get embarrassed if you're operating outside of social norms

I have very few friends and people whom I can trust and can take bullet for them. For me being in my elite group means a lot to me. It’s a promise that I will be there with you to the bitter end and we can laugh post the dust of uncertainty gets settled. Always remember if someone tries to hurt you trust me I know where to bury dead bodies too (Just Kidding). Thank you for being there with me.

Leap of Faith - God is Great

Let me start this post by admitting that I was the one who was an atheist some point of time. Then suddenly something happened and everything has changed. My trust and faith got restored and started to believe in someone who can control things like nobody’s business. I always trusted the supreme power and try to know God by reading books and listening to people and by consuming knowledge which was easily available to me. I had my life which was nearly perfect as I stopped complaining and was compromising on the entire front. Suddenly something happened and my belief in me got shattered and I was looking for an anchor by which I could came out from those moments and I can get time to think and rethink. Then few people and God came to my rescue, to have faith in God or someone is too believe unconditionally although there is no evidence of His existence. That was the reason I have faith in people along with have in God.

I believe why God can be better than people to have faith because He won’t judge you on the basis of your ideas and your situation. That is the reason people also turn to God to ask for guidance when facing a challenging situation. One of the recent examples where I have perfectly planned everything and have initiated the process to execute the things the planned way but things didn’t turn up well and it failed miserably. Now I have no one but me to blame. I have wonderful people around me who have more faith in me than I have. They keep giving me gyan and all those stuff which can work as medicine to my short comings. In reality I failed and I was not able to understand what went wrong then I took help from books and I realized if a human being can have full control of the situation then he might think that he can do anything and that anything can bring over confidence, false ego and control issues. So that person should have something to keep him grounded then God comes in picture in His weird ways to get things done.

So next time when this person will plan anything, he will be humble and will accommodate the God’s will in his plan. As they say it’s already planned by the master of the universe. If this person will fail again then he will be able to accept that as God’s will. That is the reason faith in God is very important for everyone. Praying can also have the affect of relieving stress, once someone has prayed they might feel that it is in God’s “hands” and allow them to handle the situation easier now that they have a sense of relief.

In my opinion we must have faith in God and follow these points in order to keep faith in almighty.

• If you are yet to find God, trust me there is no time in life to wait around for answers or trying to guess true meaning of life. He is the only way to lead you to your destination.

• I must say have faith in God, be true to yourself and others too. Hard work and fairness will get you far and if you have faith you will overcome everything

• Vivekananda says that the right word for faith is Shraddha. Shraddha cannot be defined. It is the catalyst for realization. So faith is the catalyst for realization which in turn is the realization of god. Everyone comes with a seed of faith that we nurture. As Krishna says in the Bhagavad gita “he (the consciousness) who nurtures these values with supreme faith knowing me Krishna to be above all. He is dearest to me”

• You should be thankful to God everyday as you wake up everyday healthy and it’s a privilege denied to many. Trust God even if you fail at something you are doing. Learn from your mistakes, pick yourself up and try again. Ask Am I happy at what I’m doing in my job and life.

• Always try to look on the Brightside of the life and never give up on your dream. Keep the oil of faith burning and be grateful no matter what.

• Be passionate about anything you do. If you find that you are living your life and are not passionate about it then do the changes in your life. Do not wait for anything take a bold leap of faith and it will pay off. Choose to be Happy!

• Live fearlessly and love with all your heart. Find a purpose that would last, one that can have impact on people or society. Live with a grateful heart, and love the people that come your way.

• Listen to your gut feelings and pursue what you love most. Ignore negative situations and don’t let it overwhelm you. Be positive and have faith in the universe. Respect others equally and enjoy life even during hard times, strive to see the positive of all situations and have fun. (Easier Said then done)

• I would say that you only have one life, and with it being such a short time period, you need to make the most of everything you do. Set goals, accomplish them and celebrate the little things in life.

• Always follow your heart and your passion. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you cannot do something. Family and faith should always be 2 things that you can count on. Always love and respect yourself before asking someone else to.

• Believe in yourself, have compassion for you and others and build a good foundation of faith and self-esteem. That will help you in times that are hard and could shake your hope for a better future. Stand firm in your beliefs.

Faith has great importance in the religious and spiritual realms. Faith may be difficult to prove through scientific experiments, but its presence can often be felt in our everyday life. The popular saying, “Faith can move mountains” is quite true and there have been various examples of this. People overcoming their disabilities, people making a comeback after losing everything, people working for peace and society’s welfare, are just a few examples of how faith can move mountains. With good intentions, and faith in your abilities and God’s guidance, you can achieve anything you want.

Heal Your Partner from their Heart Break - Relationship

As they say if you fall in love the second time always go for the second option because if the first person was good enough for you then you won’t be able to fall for anyone. I hate to admit it that most of the time I judge people or character basis my perception and knowledge of the situation. Since childhood I was told that if you are good you will be encountered with good people in your life. Till now I am unable to prove this either right or wrong. When people leave a place to other place they carry all the memories of that place along with the stuff which was useful for them at that point of time. Emotional attachment is the reason for carrying those belongings. I still remember carrying love letters, audio recordings and greeting cards from my earlier relations (yeah all these were used to be in physical format). Carrying them was a hardship for me mentally and physically and I was so attached to these things that I stopped looking brighter side of the life. I always compare each situation with my earlier shortcomings or bad decisions.

I knew what needs to be done but what about this baggage and emotional attachments I am carrying which I loved at that point of time. I was sitting with a road side person (don’t tell my Mom or anyone for that matter) and having the fun of my life and he has asked me one day that he got a better place for begging which is very far from that place and he has to pay INR 100 daily for that place. In existing place he used to give INR 50 and earn 3 to 5 hundred everyday and he was there for 10 years. When I asked that what will happen to this place. He replied that is not his problem if he wanted to reach somewhere then he has to leave from a place completely else he won’t reach. This was eureka moment for me and I came back home and burned all the physical evidence of my toxic or beautiful or mutually exclusive relationships. I know most of you won’t feel it but trust me I find it comforting and I was able to concentrate on my job hunt ( yeah I was jobless  too at that point of time).

It’s the same way in partnerships: romantic or friendly. And what do you do when your new lover/friend has an extra full cart with scars of previous relations and bad memories along with broken thought process. Lets assume the worst case scenario if your partner barely made it out of their previous relationship with their sanity or worse. Then trust me knowingly or unknowingly it’s a source of conflict in your new relationship. Here is few tried and tested (few of them might be in testing phase by someone else too) points to be considered with a disclaimer that I am not a expert:

Patience of the Buddha

Patience is the key to everything. In any relationships there are the issues which you can see and few of them you cannot see and most of the time you assume because you are afraid to ask. Asking someone who is still reeling from the conflict and other attachments to be patient is a glorious thought but not realistic. You might get yourself blocked out from the scenario. So if you are the one with objectivity and holds the responsibility to be there in scenario then set firm boundaries and love unconditionally (even if you are yet to ask her out).

How many times have you experience this: “hey, you have told that you would call me and reach for dinner date around 7 and now its 8 or you did not even call me to tell that you wont be able to make it or you did not drop a single message.”

Now you are on a cross road where you can communicate in a neutral tone or fight about thousand other things. Trust me its always important to get their side of the story with empathy and compassion. Let’s say in this scenario your friend/lover has shown this more than once and the reason was that they were out with friends and lost the track of time. In this case you must say that you value his/her friends and are completely comfortable that they are having a good time too but instead of just being angry you should ask her/him to value you the same way. If you just show the anger then it will become an issue instead of the problem that you felt left alone.

Don’t buy in

Buying word used in casino where you have to invest certain amount to sit on a table to play. So in same manner just don’t buy in with considering all the aspect about your relationship. You must not make a mistake about it as frustration, anger, control issues along with trust issues all stem from unresolved hurt and pain. Most of the time in a new relationship it’s what your partner fears that you will do based on their experience with others.

You new partner may overreact one day when you say that you are going out with your friends. A common response from me would be to get pissed off, leave and deal with fallout later. I wont recommend it that why this post come in existence. You need to ask what is the reason and most of the time they have a fear that you might found someone else and will cheat on them. Its about feeling insecure and this feeling comes when you think your partner is more dynamic than you. You have to make them feel comfortable as they’ve got to find a way to trust you and you’ve got to find a way to be trustworthy. The road goes both ways. It’s necessary to take a risk and be honest even if it means your partner decides they want to go another direction.

Look at yourself first

It’s always easier to see problems in others than seeing yourself. But you can not help someone else if you haven’t been able to help yourself. So first of all instead of being a counselor you must sort your issues first. I always believed in that and till the time I am clean and ready to move forward I wont go for the next step. I think if you go ahead with broken thoughts and feeling along with no clarity to the coming future then you are destroying multiple lives.

For me Love means being ready, prepared and able to see and fight your deepest pain or joy and to accept it head on. Sometime Sometimes helping another means letting them witness your vulnerability, your trust, your joy, and your pain. Showing them how it is, instead of telling them how it should be. Love while you can and be truthful with the rest.

Let go of ‘perfection ‘You are not Amir Khan

Lets admit that being human is great thing in this universe but we are far from perfect. The basic problem with perfection is that it will overlook the fact that you cant be perfect at everything. When you were busy in achieving perfection in one area the other area would be suffering at the same point of time. When you put your perfectionist hat you are going to cause trouble in your relationship. If you are still not able to understand then let me say in more polite manner that explore how your need to be perfect or right might be affecting your relationship, then loosen the hold and open up to enjoying your forgiving, fun, honest, imperfect relationship. Trust me the most memorable moments in life are those which are not planned. I always miss the morning coffee which was not at all planned and perfect and even I hate the taste of the coffee sometimes but the moment was awesome and that is still fresh in memory lane.

Don’t be a Judge

They say it’s not over till it’s over, and I find it to be true. Assume a scenario where your partner still suffer or have strong feelings about their previous relationship then you are entering into her/his life as a third party (Sounds Bad, I know) when it comes to energy and emotions. Read it carefully which I am about to write, don’t be jealous as that third party its important for you to truly understand both side of the dynamics. As they say when you do not know the type of the knot how will you going to open it.

As the heading suggests don’t be a judge as you are going to encourage your partner to talk about what happened and for you to listen to what’s being said and what’s not being said. In a relationship like this it is important to be willing and able to put yourself in both positions and consider what you would do, in that manner you have clear understanding of the mechanics. I didn’t say it would be easy.

It’s easy to accept that the way you feel and the things you believe are normal – they may be, but that doesn’t mean they’re working for you. There is always the possibility for a new kind of normal. Old wounds have many ways of stealing into relationships. They can disrupt a connection; prevent a connection from reaching take-off. When you are willing to take a leap of faith then everything is beautiful. Love will heal you in longer run as Love is the answer for all the pain. Trust me the day will come when the walls need to fall and the armor needs to soften. Till the time Hang ON! She is worth It!

Traits You will Get in a Libra - Zodiac Sign

As they say, empty mind is devil’s workshop and when a over thinker moves towards self quarantine then it will become a deadly weapon. In this post I will write my experience with two of my most favorite people in my life and cause of them I have interest in astrology and palmistry. Both have mood swings like no other and I am still trying to know both of them like a school going kid. Fortunately both of them share the same Zodiac sign which makes this post must to write. Before I move further I would like to call this post as my first paper for the PHD, I am doing on someone.

As a cardinal air sign, a Libra’s personality is very much about relating to others. They are often considered the nicest, most charming people in the world and they are the favorite of almost everyone they meet. They have a tendency to be magnets for people, drawing many people to them. They are attractive; this has already been deeply established in the Zodiac. They often want things to go smoothly, they can stir up a lot of controversy with their attitude and their behavior at times (I guess both of them would not agree).

One most important point that Libras cannot be rushed and they demand space whenever they feel pressured or crowded.  They are, however, not opposed to putting pressure on others, and often think that it will add to their characters. Libras tend to very outspoken and their views at times can rub a lot of people the wrong day.

Have you ever wondered what is it that makes Libra tick?

Those of us that a born under the Libra zodiac sign are often known for having logical minds and fair judgment but there’s also a lot more to the Libra sign that many people have no idea about.

If you see them closely then you will understand that they are really special and very few people have strong traits like them. Please find the few of them below:

They are very charming, charismatic and romantic souls

These people are charismatic. This Quality gives them the ability to win everyone’s heart with their charming attitude. They are always in front when it comes to popularity and everyone wants to be their friend. So you need to think twice before you contradict them trust me most of the time I just surrender to avoid the conflict. They have long lasting impression on others as they are blessed with inner beauty and outer charm and you can just envy their personality (I do at times).

If they love someone or something, they will go to the ends of the earth to show their love and trust e they can win anyone over with their sweet talk. It is advisable not to play with their emotions because it is real. With their ability and personality to sweet talk, it is hard not to fall for them, but once you do, there is no way you regret it.

They are honest, Calm, emotionally intelligent 

As I told I have a lot to talk about this sign so combining all the traits which are self explainable, Libra will surely stand for “Honesty is the Best Policy”, they are very honest and they stick to the truth and they won’t be badmouthing you behind your back. Since they are honest with you they expect the same courtesy in return (This expectation everyone has but few of them get that). They are not among those who escape from the situation after committing some wrong doing.

They are known for their calmness and they never lose their temper (I know one of them never loses). If they do, you (This should be me) have done something which exceeds their limits. Their relaxed attitude allows them to have more friends than enemies.

They have a firm hold on their emotions. They do not go around pouring out their anger or worries on other people (Sometime I want them to do). They are aware of their surroundings and will try their best not to make a scene. One of the best qualities which I like about them is their empathetic nature – they will not judge you! You can trust them with your secrets and you can cry with them (One of them is pro at this)

Creative Minds and love challenges

Having creative mind helps them a lot especially in the real work setting in the industry they are into. These people happens to be one of the biggest daydreamers you will ever meet (I know both of them will not agree and might kill me for this) and at times they refuse to face the reality. They have deep thinking that is the reason their extreme imaginations get difficult to execute. My advice would be that they must learn to avoid prolonged decision and be quick thinker in life. 

Let me quote a scene from “Titanic” where the Hero asked the heroin “Where to Miss?” the Heroin who must be Libran replied, “To the stars”. This is the limit of Libra’s imagination.

These people are naturally competitive in nature. Challenges in life are the most common part in their life, they like to accept challenge and challenge others too. Trust me they can do anything to win the race. This is my personal experience that this quality (To win the race) in even the smallest tasks of their everyday lives, the way these people takes every single competition as the question of life and death. If you are in their team, you have to keep up the pace and seek help from God to match the pace.

Very Optimistic and Problem solver (Life Hacks)

When it comes to achieving their dreams and goal, failure can not stop them. They do not get settled before attaining perfection. Their positive thinking and God loving nature allows them to try till they succeed, they never give up. Trust me their positivity is contagious too.

Believe me or not, Libra’s have answers to everything. You have a problem they will come up a solution which will suits to everybody. If you ever have a problem, do not hesitate to ask. For all we know, they probably have the answers to Corona problems too (This is not sarcasm, If they think they will have) not vaccine of course. I will look forward to know the Zodiac sign of the scientist who would discover vaccine for Corona.

If you are depressed or are going through a difficult situation always ask a Libra for advice.

Easily Get Frustrated

They get frustrated when they have to deal with a negative person who do nothing but criticize them and poke holes in every single idea that they have (Personal experience, you have to deal with wrath of Titans). They would like to hand out with people who have “can do” approach to life and will keep social distance to the people who constantly try to bring them down. As they are very careful with their moves this is the reason why they get offended by other people’s rough behaviors. So my advice when you are with these people, make sure you watch your behavior (I am forced to write this else they are very sweet people: P)

Decision making might be an issue?

Most of the Libra’s are extremely annoying because of their nature of giving too personal remarks, without even knowing that they already hurt someone. I would consider this as a negative trait in this sign. Making their own great decision can be very difficult for these people and it is even harder to learn in their mistake. However, they can always win the situation by utilizing their rational mind and accurate intuitions.

They can hurt people most often but get the score settled easily

If I have to write this I would say these individual don’t have control over their anger, you can call them short tempered. They hurt others most often but as they are the nicest people in Zodiac, this is the reason they recover their quarrels easily. I am told and would like to believe that They can get very high in anger but never keep anything in the heart.

I think this post can become the longest I have ever written so bringing this to an end.These people are strongly motivated, optimistic and competitive and their traits are unique from others. Surely not all Libra’s possess all these traits but you will definitely find this quality in the depth of their personality. They like to deal with the situation as they come.

No wonder they are always positive! Don't you think they're just great?