Why Can't We Rise in Love ?

Being a Batman fan, I mostly loved all the dialogues from the movie (Christian Bale is my Batman) but one of the dialogue from that movie is very relevant for the topic which I am trying to explore today. When Alfred asks “Mr. Wayne, Why do we fall?” and then he answers himself “So, we can rise again”. That was a raw idea behind this post and then someone has inspired me in recent times to give some thoughts about how I feel about certain things. So I took the most overrated and over discussed topic for the post “What is Love and why we fall into it”.

Love is a word that has been used in many different contexts. It can be romantic love, platonic love, spiritual love, or even the love for your country. However, the one thing that does not change is the feeling of happiness and excitement when you are in love with someone. But since beginning we have been infused with some borrowed thoughts and I could say feelings too where we have been told that what a love could be. For example all SRK movies for that matter which has given us (boys) complex and set the standard so high that all the girls were looking for Raj and Rahul and in between average looking people got suffered (pain is real). In the same process sense of being lonely for rest of your life made us believe that whatever is being told in movies or stories are real. In this circus the actual feelings got lost and no one knows what is being in love. I have been questioning myself what could it be like being in love or what should I be feeling when I am in love. Then comes the billion dollar question why everyone is falling in love as if it is a mistake or a trap. Being analytical and overthinker by nature I believe we fall in trap, we fall on road and we fall in well which also suggests that we were not paying attention then why people use loosely this phrase “I fell in love” which will follow with the sentence “and it was a mistake”.

To assume of love as something to fall into can be limiting to relationships and in some instances inaccurate. Instead of falling in love, a greater fruitful thinking is to “Rise in Love”. Love is a very complex and difficult thing to define. It is not just one emotion but many emotions that can be hard to identify. Falling in love happens when we are attracted to someone, and we don’t know why. Love is an emotion that we experience and it’s a feeling that cannot be described with words. 

But what if you are unable to understand what your feelings are? 

What if you fall for anyone? 

What if trust and togetherness doesn’t matter to you? 

What if finding a life partner is not important to you? 

What if being in Love with someone is just enough to live life? 

What if your perfect person is in front of you and you do not want to accept that affection? 

Reasons could be 100s but the point which I am trying to derive that we fall when we are not ready, that could be the reason we “fall in love” instead of “Rise in Love”. 

May be falling is always easy and this could be the reason we always fall in love. Just imagine you are falling from 100 foot building and it will take only few seconds for you to reach the bottom of the building. Now you will say that fall in love is not equal to falling from the building. I would agree but it is a fall that has tempted many souls throughout our histories, movies and serials. Love appears inviting and tremendous on the different side of the fall, and we overlook everything so we can leap. As referred earlier that SRK movies have made falling in love so fancy so they can conveniently overlooked the problems in real life. Many of us (including me) hold fantasy about how a real love will look like and feel like. 

Will violin play?

Will I fall like SRK in Om Shanti Om? 

Will I be lost in her eyes ignoring that hello which she is saying to me? 

Will I be lost talking to her and just nod my head in between (Its an art)?

Will it be like fanboy moment?

Lets say you find this person, you may expect this person to understand you, accept your faults and meet all your emotional needs and if all flags turn out to be green then this person will want to marry you. Someone once told me that you want someone who can hear your silence and I was like this could be a too much expectation from someone. But in real life when you project this fantasy of perfection onto whomever you are dating then this fantasy mixes with real life issues and the desperate desire to be loved. When these ingredients mixes it creates a powerful toxic acid for your life. At this time we may feel anger, resentment, doubt and even despair. We think, “How can I be not lucky in love? Where is my Raj from DDLJ? Where is my real Soul mate? Why these things happen with me?  Then we closed our heart from the most important and powerful feeling called Love.

So here is the idea which I want to sell that instead of falling in love, we need to rise in love. We need to evolve beyond our expectations about lover’s nature. We must realize that love is much more than the templates set like soulmate, marriage and family. These ideas have corrupted us (means generations) by media, society, families and those 4 people whom I am searching since childhood. 

If Love (means emotion) could talk, he might ask that why people have been burdened him with accusations that he causes miserable pain. How can a emotion as beautiful as love causes pain, if it is causing pain its not love. For example I have find a girl who I think is picture perfect for me and she will be a perfect object (No disrespect just an example) of my affection and when she fail living up to that expectations, I feel pain. Then who is causing pain, in my opinion Love is not. 

Like a hypocrite, we want unconditional love but in the same sentence we put the condition that my partner should love me like someone whom I have admired in my earlier days. In my opinion Love should be free and unconditional and my point of rising in love means seeing the love unconditionally in all forms. There would not be pain as acceptance is pathway to true love and freedom. If you think you could be happy by binding someone via rituals, norms or other conditions then you are not right entirely. Sometimes people are so good in compromising and due to society and those norms they just live the life in regret and grief. In my opinion that is not an example of leading a good life or having a relationship where you lose yourself in the process.

Our desperation of searching Love that distracts us and keep us away from finding love we truly desire or seek. The Love which starts from you where you first find yourself then be in love without putting a condition there.

Now I have set the context so we could agree that falling in love does some damages over a period of time and you lose a sense of your identity and your personality traits changes basis the preferences of your partner. You always look forward to your partner for validations and seek approvals from him/her. You keep on doing the same thing which your partner likes and in mean time you lose your individuality and forget how happy you were when you first got an idea of being in love. I am sure there are million other ways to go wrong in this approach as love does not teach you that. As I like to showoff that my mathematics and analytical skills are great and when you say things combining with numbers those seems more appealing. So here it goes, two people come together in a relationship to share their space with the feeling of love which means as two individuals you were 100% in love with each other that’s why you decided to come together. If you do not love one hundred per cent of someone, you do no longer deserve their love and it’s as easy as that. Loving must be as convenient as breathing, and it must evoke emotions of joy, happiness and positivity. 

Now as I have established myself as a person who knows it all so here are few pointers which you would save you from falling in love and instead rising in love with your perfect partner:

Accept each other (Meaning 100%)

First rule of relationship which needs to be followed to the core. Embrace the flaws of your partner first and make a peace with it once and for all. Everyone thinks that their life is complex so in that case with whom you are moving forward is no exception which means you and that person built differently. I keep on saying that perfection is an illusion and its better to accept that you might have flaws which will make you more humane. You must have a progressive thought process to understand someone’s behavior instead of judging them basis those short comings.

Give them space to grow

Many people in relationships have trouble with giving each other space. They are afraid that they may lose the other person’s attention, or they think that they will get lost in their partner’s life.

But that isn’t the case. Giving your partner space will help you both to grow individually and together. It allows you to find out more about your self and what you want out of life and your future relationship.

Since we spend a significant amount of time with our partners, we need time apart from them too. That way when we come back together, we are enriched with new takeaways and can tell our stories to each other which leads to more intimacy and understanding of our partners' perspective on things

Have a good Ear

Sometimes all you need is to listen because your partner just want to vent out the thoughts which are bothering them. No matter how contradictory opinions are from each other, you have to remember the rule no. 1 that they are allowed to be different and it doesn’t really matter if you both are not aligned with one thought. If you follow that then instead of having heated arguments you will learn something new from her/him.

5 Complements in a day (lol, who is counting)

Everyone wants to listen something good about themselves. If you complement someone you will get to see the following:

1. Those puppy eyes looking at you (👀)
2. Blushing cheeks which will turn red eventually (😳)
3. And in return this sentence “really, you are joking right?” (😂)

I would do anything possible in the world to see these on a regular basis. You can make them feel special all you need to pay attention to small details (I did PHD) and try to choose words which evoke positivity. This will ensure positivity and happiness all around. 

Learn and Learn to improve 

We should always be open to learning from each other. When we have a willingness to learn from each other and are willing to accept differences, we can gain more knowledge.

Many people are under the impression that they can never learn anything new because they think they know it all. However, people should be open to learning new things. They should be willing to try new methods and strategies so that they can grow in their profession or field. For example I know someone who has totally different point of view about life and that was not practical but when I learn about that person I understood the prospective towards thing and you wont believe that shook my thought process too.

We spend most of our time with people, which means we need to find the right person. But it's not only about the person we date. It may sound like a lot but it's something that is worth thinking about carefully before making a decision. There is nothing more exciting than falling in love and getting to know someone on such a deep level, feeling butterflies as your feelings grow for him/her and there is nothing more important. But you should make yourself a promise that even after falling in love or after failing in love you will never hit rock bottom again. You have to take care of yourself and you will date again and this time in Love, you will rise instead of falling into it. Rising is the only option available for you because you are not suppose to go down because no one deserve being hurt in Love. must know that you have to rise because you are Love and Love is not here to let you fall and break. 

In other words, despite all the pointers and opinion I have, there’s something about love, falling in love, being in love surpasses all our definitions and attempts to understand. But, in the end, we love who we love, and the act of loving makes us who we are. If I do not close this post with following lines then I am not at all doing justice to this

Jise dhoondhta hoon main har gali… Wo Ladki hai Kahaan…!!!

Afraid to Fall in Love Again - Curious Case

It's not that I don't believe in love... I am very strong believer in it actually... I am just deathly terrified that it doesn't believe in me...!! 

Why do we always desire or have feelings for one when you can be completely indifferent to another person? Why do we fall in love in most uncomfortable scenarios? Why it is difficult to find out the reason for falling in love? Why can we not stop that feeling just by putting some logical reasoning or counter arguments? Why we keep on falling for the same person against every odds? All these questions are remained unanswered for me and I feel scared to fall in Love because it gives you the responsibility of the other person without letting that person know. For me love is responsibility to be happy together and it’s a raw form of the highest emotion which you can not control. Secondly once you are in love there is no Control + Z button to undo it. Lets try to explore the reasons why we are afraid to fall in Love via this post.

Most of the people including me fall in love with someone who unconsciously reminds us that we are home and safe. The same feeling which you have experienced in childhood which is already placed in your subconscious memory. The said resemblance, which can be difficult to see consciously, can be gestural, in relation to opinions or even habits. The resemblance, therefore, plays an undeniable role in the attraction because it awakens a deep and powerful feelings inside you.

In the mind from childhood we see all aspect of the life and find some misplaced parts of the puzzle which we call life and we start searching for those missed parts all the time. For example, if, when you were a child, your parents were keeping you in check and allow you to take decision basis your experience and learning, you will have to unconsciously seek a partner who will fill this gap. So in this case, a person who will not be afraid of putting her opinion forward and express their feelings.

Thus, we unconsciously seek in our partner, to remedy a psychological need, a wound to be healed, a lack to be filled, which according to us, we missed during our life until now. As they say we wander our life looking for our twin who completes us and which on certain points is also different from us. For example, if you are a spontaneous person, you may be looking for a thoughtful and composed partner because you do not have this quality.

I always said and keep on saying, women are mature than man any given point of time if they take a call basis their heart and mind. Men are usually thrilled about falling in love but none of them will admit it. They all, deep inside, crave love and affection like everyone do. But they will not talk about it in open and keep on thinking on imaginary scenarios because rejection rate is very high and everyone is afraid of rejections.

Sometimes, his fear of commitment or his current situation can lead you on a wrong path. You may just give up on him because you think he is not that into you. He is not showing emotions, he is probably even very nervous around you. Trust me it does not mean he does not have feelings for you or he is not into you. It can be the complete opposite. He does have the hots but he is scared to fall in love.

Here is how you’ll definitely know he is just chickening out and needs a little push because he likes you but is afraid to admit it.

#His Mixed Signals (All sort of)

You might go crazy trying to decode his message. This happens when he himself does not know how to act around you that’s why he is acting so weird. One moment he is very much interested in you and the next he is nowhere to be found. He is confused with his stand and is very afraid to act on it. He likes you for some reason but something might be stopping him to act on it. You need to find out that reason.

There could be a chances that he had a broken heart or any unlucky relationship before and he is afraid to repeat that story so he is acting that way where he might be seeking your clarity.

#He is slow

He wants to take things slow and practically keep it light. Well, this means he likes you but (and there is always a but) he is probably not ready to be with you for real. He definitely has some unresolved issues that life has thrown at him and he needs to deal with them. He knows there is no going back from there. What would happen if he gets rejected and that thought would drive him crazy. Since he is still overwhelmed with everything new going on in his life, you, he needs a bit of time to process things and get rid of his fear.

Don’t assume right away that he doesn’t like you if he keeps you at arm’s length and most of the time he does not know what to talk. Leave him alone and go on living your life. If he realizes with time that he has loved you all this time, great, if not, you’ll get by fine without him.

#He is always there

Even if you both are not together, he will always be there for you whenever you need a helping hand. He can be a person to whom you can bring any stuff and he will come along with you as a friend or as a partner in crime. If you are in trouble, he will be there to get you out of it.

Real friends do that but men who secretly love you do that too. He’ll stick around when there is no one else left. That’s how you’ll know he likes you but is scared to fall for you.

#He is a Google Reminder

He will care for all small stuff and remember all important things for you. Even small stuff which no one else will give a damn. When you are sick, he will follow up with you and this shows that he is interested in you, as these small details that no one notices is what separates him from the others.

He is into whatever you are into for sure. Men have this urge to impress women they like even if they are not aware of it. He will listen attentively and probably say that he shares most of your interests even if he doesn’t and in longer run he will learn it for you.

#Gets Jealous all the time

He will never show you exactly what he is jealous about and trust me he will never tell you or talk about it but you will see from the way he behaves. You will notice he will change the subjects or cut your call by telling there is another call if you’re talking about your guy friends, or he’ll get nervous and he won’t be able to control his feelings or reactions.

This is kind of cute and by now you would have known this guy if he is harmless of not. Jealousy can be a bitch and its hard to get rid of it but as a indication you can get that he is afraid of losing you and he likes you but doesn’t know how to deal with it. Most of the time when the guy would know that you are into your other friend then the arm length distance tend to increase.

#Overprotective

When a man in love, Logic disappears. He will do somethings in life which are not really logical for example calling you multiple times to check if you reach home and check on you unless he gets a revert. Sometimes these things get you irritated but you can not change this habit in him.

He will behave the way his heart tells him and not his mind. All rationality will be gone. If he thinks that talking to you is hampering you or he is disturbing you, he might stop talking to you. Trust me a man in love only sees you and fears you might get hurt and wants to be there to protect you.

#Follow you religiously

He will use you as a black board and dump all the information to you and all the incidents which took in the day. He always keep an eye on you, Let’s say you are at the same party and every time you look at him, he is looking right back at you.

Even though a lot of other people are around him and he is actively participating in conversations, he will subconsciously look for you and acknowledge your presence. 

So there is nothing called perfect communication and a Man in love definitely does not have when they are faced with the woman of their dreams. They will do their best to hide their feeling early on and if someone is saying that he is honest upfront on everything he would be lying or he would not talk about the topics where he has to lie.

Taking the representation from all those man I wanted to say that: we hide our feelings because we do not want to get ahead of ourselves and we will want to know if our feelings are reciprocated before we open up.

We might be mysterious and weird but we are definitely not fake…!!

Leap of Faith - God is Great

Let me start this post by admitting that I was the one who was an atheist some point of time. Then suddenly something happened and everything has changed. My trust and faith got restored and started to believe in someone who can control things like nobody’s business. I always trusted the supreme power and try to know God by reading books and listening to people and by consuming knowledge which was easily available to me. I had my life which was nearly perfect as I stopped complaining and was compromising on the entire front. Suddenly something happened and my belief in me got shattered and I was looking for an anchor by which I could came out from those moments and I can get time to think and rethink. Then few people and God came to my rescue, to have faith in God or someone is too believe unconditionally although there is no evidence of His existence. That was the reason I have faith in people along with have in God.

I believe why God can be better than people to have faith because He won’t judge you on the basis of your ideas and your situation. That is the reason people also turn to God to ask for guidance when facing a challenging situation. One of the recent examples where I have perfectly planned everything and have initiated the process to execute the things the planned way but things didn’t turn up well and it failed miserably. Now I have no one but me to blame. I have wonderful people around me who have more faith in me than I have. They keep giving me gyan and all those stuff which can work as medicine to my short comings. In reality I failed and I was not able to understand what went wrong then I took help from books and I realized if a human being can have full control of the situation then he might think that he can do anything and that anything can bring over confidence, false ego and control issues. So that person should have something to keep him grounded then God comes in picture in His weird ways to get things done.

So next time when this person will plan anything, he will be humble and will accommodate the God’s will in his plan. As they say it’s already planned by the master of the universe. If this person will fail again then he will be able to accept that as God’s will. That is the reason faith in God is very important for everyone. Praying can also have the affect of relieving stress, once someone has prayed they might feel that it is in God’s “hands” and allow them to handle the situation easier now that they have a sense of relief.

In my opinion we must have faith in God and follow these points in order to keep faith in almighty.

• If you are yet to find God, trust me there is no time in life to wait around for answers or trying to guess true meaning of life. He is the only way to lead you to your destination.

• I must say have faith in God, be true to yourself and others too. Hard work and fairness will get you far and if you have faith you will overcome everything

• Vivekananda says that the right word for faith is Shraddha. Shraddha cannot be defined. It is the catalyst for realization. So faith is the catalyst for realization which in turn is the realization of god. Everyone comes with a seed of faith that we nurture. As Krishna says in the Bhagavad gita “he (the consciousness) who nurtures these values with supreme faith knowing me Krishna to be above all. He is dearest to me”

• You should be thankful to God everyday as you wake up everyday healthy and it’s a privilege denied to many. Trust God even if you fail at something you are doing. Learn from your mistakes, pick yourself up and try again. Ask Am I happy at what I’m doing in my job and life.

• Always try to look on the Brightside of the life and never give up on your dream. Keep the oil of faith burning and be grateful no matter what.

• Be passionate about anything you do. If you find that you are living your life and are not passionate about it then do the changes in your life. Do not wait for anything take a bold leap of faith and it will pay off. Choose to be Happy!

• Live fearlessly and love with all your heart. Find a purpose that would last, one that can have impact on people or society. Live with a grateful heart, and love the people that come your way.

• Listen to your gut feelings and pursue what you love most. Ignore negative situations and don’t let it overwhelm you. Be positive and have faith in the universe. Respect others equally and enjoy life even during hard times, strive to see the positive of all situations and have fun. (Easier Said then done)

• I would say that you only have one life, and with it being such a short time period, you need to make the most of everything you do. Set goals, accomplish them and celebrate the little things in life.

• Always follow your heart and your passion. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you cannot do something. Family and faith should always be 2 things that you can count on. Always love and respect yourself before asking someone else to.

• Believe in yourself, have compassion for you and others and build a good foundation of faith and self-esteem. That will help you in times that are hard and could shake your hope for a better future. Stand firm in your beliefs.

Faith has great importance in the religious and spiritual realms. Faith may be difficult to prove through scientific experiments, but its presence can often be felt in our everyday life. The popular saying, “Faith can move mountains” is quite true and there have been various examples of this. People overcoming their disabilities, people making a comeback after losing everything, people working for peace and society’s welfare, are just a few examples of how faith can move mountains. With good intentions, and faith in your abilities and God’s guidance, you can achieve anything you want.