5 Reasons why Online Dating is not for You

Its almost unavoidable today to separate dating and technologies. When you have friends who always keep you forcing to try one irrespective you tell them multiple times that its not meant for you. So I decided to dedicate this post for some fans of online apps (their B and A’s) and to make them believe that its not for me as I am old school hopelessly romantic person. I don’t fall in love with anyone because I am lonely or lost. If I fell in love with anyone which means after getting to know that person, I realized that I wanted to make that person a permanent part of my world.

These online websites are just a few medium that are changing the way we date and I am sure its not for better. Its like living in alternate universe where that person is behaving the way we want them to behave because there is no validation. In my personal opinion actions speak louder than words and in current scenarios anyone can pose as a person whom you are willing to go any extent. It is being advised to date old fashioned way and meet individuals via friends and take risks.

I have downloaded few of these (B & A) because I was forced and when I agree to something I do generally without giving a second thought. I also downloaded Bumble to see if my mind had changed about online dating. This is the first time in almost 7 years that I’ve been single after all. When I was exploring, it bothered me how these potential matches had everything so perfect and polished. Does this happen in real life? Then I took expert advice from me (Self talking is my forte) and concluded that it could be a place where I can be perfect where I can show the world what I want to be instead of what I am. Then I gone through almost 500 profiles and may be more and everything was just too good to be true. Being an analyst by heart I understood that these are not meant for me because I am not that desperate to be with someone where I can go just crazy by swiping right.

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer meeting new people in person, and you get to know about them without any agenda. You interact them with no hidden intentions and you know more about that person by observing not what that person is saying. Sometime, you just fall for the idea of that person being with you. I thought that would remove the anxiety of talking to random people and be someone who you are not beneath. 

Here are 5 reasons that online dating is not my cup of tea or Coffee and change my mind if you can:

Love can’t be timed! Love is to be lived (It just happened): I liked this quote from Money Heist and I think this blog is brand ambassador of this thought that you just fall in love without any thought of togetherness or any complications. Issues come when you try to control that love to be with you. One thing is for sure that you can not time love by taking subscription on some dating sites and get a expert to create a bio which can attract anyone in the world. Often the things we are most attached to have the habit of eluding us. Some times fear of being alone can blur your judgement of people and in the process we forget that not being with someone is better than being with a wrong person and realize after many years.

Wanting someone to love you for yourself, no matter what, is an plausible desire. Yet this type of love might still seem like the stuff of fairy tales and movies, not something most people encounter in real life. Unconditional love can provide a sense of security for you but in online dating is most insecure place it could be. There is always a possibility of someone who is 9/10 or 9.5/10 and even if you are with 9.5/10 you would remain insecure that there are so many other persons on internet who are catfishing for your catch. Feeling confident in someone’s love and knowing it won’t go away can help create secure attachments and autonomy, independence, and self-worth.

I have been married once (Read being in long relationship): I use to believe that relationships are not perfect, and you can do wonders by adjusting yourself with anyone who shares same interests as yours. My family got that arranged and I was in a relationship/marriage all by my choice and decision. Where I was trying to figure out that person day in day out and adjusting myself so this relationship could work. Even then living with that person and knowing her for 4 years I could not be able to understand or see that person when things were not so good in that relationship. I was barely able to make a judgement when chips were down, and my so perfect life was tearing apart. Out of desperation to make this work as it was my call to get married someway it took 3 more years get out of that mess which left scars on me. The point being that when I was not able to know the person when I was with her then how can I trust these people who seems so perfect online.

Meeting someone new is now a constant possibility. But this breakthrough at the level of introduction has masked an ongoing challenge at the level of ultimate purpose. We may have become easier to meet, but we are not any easier to love.

Unresolved issues and current emotions: these are very important step before moving to any relationship beat it online or old school. If you have not moved out from a past relationship, then it is already hard for you to connect with someone willingly. People around you may say that you are ready and you would like to believe that but deep inside you already know that you are still working on those and putting yourself emotionally at the right place. That’s when old school techniques comes where your heart plays the cupid and without knowing you get attracted to someone which helps you to find the right balance. This is nearly impossible in case of online dating. Sometimes your emotions and past learnings are so strong that you would never have an expectations out of anything and your emotions are just not in control when you are around someone.

I have experienced this. When you are connecting on every major topic and things are going all well because these thoughts are behind an internet connection and then you meet in person and everything you liked about that person evaporates before your eyes. That’s the gamble you take when meeting people online and for records I might not be ready for that. 

Its not a problem which needs to be solved by Algorithms: Algorithms are not magic which will help me getting a fairy tale soulmate right in my message box just like that. They will give you so many matches and the dating websites are designed in such a manner that you keep on looking and get more invested than you should. Not getting a correct match might make you more desperate and lonelier, it might make you feel that even technology is not able to help you (Laugh). As per me finding a person is not a super-fast process it happened eventually and first of all if you are single its not a problem to solve. You have to get your thoughts clear as why you want to be that way or what you want from your life and I must say being with someone is the most suitable option for anyone in long term. So Instead of putting your faith on algo or tech you must start feeling comfortable with your situation and try not to solve a problem of being alone.

People can fake Perfection (can cause emotional damage): I have learnt that fake it until you make it and this theory can work wonders in online dating websites. It is very difficult to tell if someone is genuine by just looking at their profile. What ultimately scares me about online dating is diving into the unknown and not knowing what to expect out of it. Admittedly, I’ve never been on a date with someone I barely knew. How do you even strike up a conversation with someone you found on a dating app and hang out with them to get to know them more? Also, how are people even sure they’re not talking to a catfish or worse, a serial killer (just being more dramatic)? If you fall for someone via internet then there would always be a fear of unknown because you might not be able to figure out how that person would behave when you are not around. I can say for sure because sometime just to avoid conflicts people say or agree to everything which can get them out of that situation. 

We forget that almost everyone is a charming prospect so long as we know nothing about them. Part of what it takes to be ready for love is to imagine the difficulties that we cannot, as yet, know too much about in detail; the bad moods that will lurk behind the energetic smiles, the difficult pasts that lie beneath the lustrous eyes, the twisted scares that reside beneath a stated love of camping and the outdoors.

After reading many similar likes, dislikes, and bios, people start to blend. When you can’t remember if you’ve already messaged that cute sushi-loving gal, online dating kind of sucks.

Still, I do admire those who can positively use dating apps and aren’t scared to meet new people. Online dating does sound like fun but it’s really not for everyone, especially if someone is emotionally unprepared to be disappointed by a person, they’d met through these dating apps. For my personal experience, I am not the Tiana who is willing to kiss many frogs before she can get her prince. I want to sit with the person even in dark if she fails to see the bright side of the life.

I have learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.

When you want to know where your heart is, Look where your mind goes when it wanders..!! Allow me to quote from HIMYM where Robin says “If you have a chemistry, you only need one other thing -timing… But timing is a B*T*H…!!”

Would I give online dating another try in the near future? I honestly don’t know. If I feel like messing around with it again, maybe. I’m in no rush to go on dates and get into a new relationship anyway unless it is being directed by my Heart and a pending Coffee date!

Crush Alert - An Open Letter to My Crush

I believe most of the time too many thoughts go unsaid because either situations are not positive, or you are tied up with some imaginary bonds. However, as they say you can create/see beauty in everything, if you stop feeling hurt and believe in the Magic. I always say, “do the favour to the universe and don’t hide your magic”. I come from old school where Love at first sight was a thing, and this right swipe technology can not beat that. Sometimes Love can be most unexpected thing in life which can destroy all your plans and you cannot understand the maths (When you involve maths then it becomes more critical hence the reference) behind it. I wrote about what we see in a girl to get attracted however this can’t be true all the time and sometimes you get attracted to the vibe (Magic) when you were least expecting it. It’s a contagious and you won’t get over it.

Personally, I always get attracted to broken souls, pain behind those smiles, Big eyes and hidden darkness which is expecting a light of hope. Somehow, I start feeling responsible to fix and understand those feelings (People say I don’t understand feelings and I don’t care about them) so I can absorb and understand other people prospective. When you start understanding the person by seeing the soul then there is no going back at least for me. It’s a trap for me and I always remain there in Love. Sometimes you cannot explain, what you see in a person. It is just the way they take you to the places where no one else can. It’s hard to get rid of the demons inside you because they were holding you once no one was there but it doesn’t mean you have to be there even if you get a chance to embrace light. Sometimes I am in love with the impossibility of us because being in Love is beautiful. That’s the reason I am too old for Internet Love and I believe in falling in Love.

I am sure by now you would have started to think what I am trying to say. I am having a mental block for almost 4 years as I failed to read a person with whom I had spend 7 years (3 years knowing I judged her well and 4 years thinking what to do and how to get out of it). In this journey for 4 years I have met few people who have helped me in coping up the situation apart from Family and brother from other mothers. Those people have worked magic in my life, and I fell for them unknowingly but never expressed because I always was either in wrong story or at wrong time.

Love. It truly is a magical feeling when it’s shared. Slow down. It takes time and, yes, it usually begins with a crush. That can be frightening because no one likes to feel rejected, and crushes can work both ways. I am sharing this letter so they can know how I feel about them and there would be many more people who would share my thoughts too (whoever have seen the magic). Just because people don’t vocalize things, they love about you or the qualities they admire, doesn’t mean you aren’t admired for all that you are. The second reason is to free myself by being vulnerable and I believe this is the best way. One of the most beautiful things in a person is emotional vulnerability, so why would I not use that to my advantage? Be the energy you wish to attract and live more in the uncomfortable. I hope one day I could say "Will you be my Valentine forever?".

Dear You,

I love your energy and vibe and I believe you already know that though. You know the last time I was easily able to see this when I was in 5^th Grade, and I admitted that I liked a girl. I have a crush on you or may be more than that because thinking about you makes me dizzy and all I get excited when I see you virtually or in person. I have been feeling this way for some time and I really don’t know how to say it and if I should say it because things are much better this way where I don’t have fear to loose you and I don’t want to find out if this revelation of feeling will change it. I have never told you these feelings because I don’t want to make things awkward. I am being the greatest overthinker alive and I know that you are too sweet to lose over something silly like the romantic feelings of me for you which are not mutual (I don’t know). I have always thanked my crushes for touching my life in such a beautiful way which made me a better person.

We were connected for the longer time and but not have known each other for the longest time but I know this for sure that I have feelings for you. Whether they may be of infatuation or actual love, I don’t know yet. The only thing I know that you are kind hearted, amazing, soulful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. I couldn’t bear to see you hurt. I would lose my mind.

Let me explain myself, my Cancerian friend says I always keep things with me and don’t express in person which is not correct. As per him you deserve to know (he doesn’t know you yet) and hear how truly amazing you are and it’s unfortunate that in this internet and app generation that letters like these are not written more often. First, you are hilarious, and I love that we can build off each other’s humour. It’s not your wit or intellectual humour because you are yet to reach there as training is in process but you are silly at the same time. When I started interacting with you, I couldn’t believe that how effortlessly you can be weird, quirky, goofy and childish at the same time. You seem like pure light which just reached the darkest places of my heart which was closed for more than years.  

I also love and appreciate that you are sensitive, thoughtful, and deep. My Mom is one of the strongest pillars in my life and she has taught me that strength is not how little you can allow yourself to feel and care about everything and be loving even you can be hurt. I love that you are strong like that too. I love that you get emotional and are not ashamed by that as you believe that crying is good for beauty. It is beautiful and inspiring and makes me feel comfortable letting my guards down. Around you, I feel safe and protected. I don’t know if I can say I have ever felt that way around anyone before. I love that you see and like me for who I am and what I love.

I really do think you are incredibly cute and trust me that is not why I like you the way I do. I like you for so many more important reasons than the way you look. I love the way you are and the way you make me feel basis your stupid ideas to spend my weekends (on B and A). You are kind, affectionate, silly and loving and most inspiring thing is that you are hardworking, have dreams, you are interesting and you are willing to fight for your dreams. I always have this fear if people going to like me for me, who I am, for my heart, with my broken soul and my darkness which kept me captive for the longest time. For someone to love me like that I can wait a long time, because I don’t believe there is anything more magical than true love.

I love you so much, and it’s not just a made-up thing. When I’m with you, I feel like everything is possible and that life is perfect. It’s as if God created you to make my world the best place for me to live. You know, I can’t describe the kind of happiness that I feel every time my cell phone beeps and received your message. You deeply warm my heart and soul with those messages that you send to me. Those messages inspire me in life.

I know you and I believe I don’t have much time and current circumstances and timings are not favorable for us. I don’t want to make things more complicated for us than they already are. Regardless of your feelings and even if this doesn’t work, I will always cherish this connection forever and keep these feelings valuable and private. The thought of you reading this letter and able to understand that you are the one I am talking about and feeling so loved, appreciated, and valued brings me nothing but happiness. You mean everything to me. I love you for who you are, and I would never change that. Your smile, your eyes, your voice. I love it all. When you laugh, I laugh, when you smile, you make me weak in the knees every beat of my heart is for you… Thinking of you brings a smile to my face, and your face brings sunshine into mine.

I have made myself understood that we might be those twin flames who make us better persons who can handle anything in life. That could be the reason God has put us on those paths and somehow, I got connected to your unperfect way of handling things perfectly. I will accept it someday. So just spending time with you is something I look forward to. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. I was so happy and inspired to see you always and almost every day is my happiness. Even though I know I am the only one feels that way. But it’s okay as I am not wishing that you do admire and care for me too. To see you is enough it brought smile to my heart. But unexpectedly I feel that there is hope between us.

Here is my favorite pickup line which I have used with 100% results might work on you “Hathi Naali me Bah nahi sakta, Main tumhare bina rah nahi sakta.”

Sincerely,

Me

What does it take to strike a chord in my heart?

The most debatable question of all the time “what does a guy look in a girl when they meet first?” How to be sure that she is the one? How guys hopelessly fall in Love without talking to a girl? How come one sided love came in existence where a guy loves a girl and girl is clueless all the time? How do we decide that she is the one? 

There are three steps (for me being a guy) to fall in love with a girl i.e. Appearance (Not Look and Beauty), Her Nature (Basis Observations) and Her Story (If we get to talk to her). If a girl passes these parameters then she got herself a secret admirer without knowing about it. 

Now there are two reasons to write this post, first being this is my blog, and I am authorized to write and second people kept on asking what do you look in a girl (they think I am expert here) or how can you decide that she is the one who has the privilege to break your heart (Happened me most of the time).

As we have lived in the era where movies and series have serious influence over our mind. However when you meet someone like her (Potential person) then your heart just says “she is the one”. Most of the time those girls even not know how influential their personality is which is affecting / inspiring so many souls. Sometimes its being loosely used that Guys always go for looks and beauty and trust me it could be one of the factors but are not the only factor. Well girls, men / guys are not s difficult to understand since they are very straightforward so you can easily decode those things which they notice about you day in day out. Sometimes we are even afraid to tell the same because “Thappad aur Rejection dono se dar lagta hai” and we have never thought ahead of this thought if this could actually work.

Here I am listing few interesting and may be surprising (I know we cant surprise a girl) things men notice about a women. These are based on my understanding and behavior and might not be applicable to even 90% of people (I know I am unique that way) but this would be an interesting read:

Those Eyes (Teri Aankhon ke Sivay dunia me rakha kya hai)

We (I) like to see through those big eyes from which we can see the soul as they say “eyes are the windows to the soul”. Those Eyes can tell us a lot about you even if you don’t talk or even don’t notice us. That is the main reasons most of the guys (not me) are very possessive about their girl because they know for the fact that yours eyes are real magnets that can attract and interest a stranger. Surveys have shown (When you add math's in post it becomes more authentic) that almost 75% of men pay attention to women’s eyes first and then to everything else. Secondly it is always easier for men to compliment about your eyes since women respond very approvingly to compliment about their eyes.

I am one of those stereotype who like those big childish eyes in which I can search the door of her heart (cheesy). Most of the time I zoned out if someone has those eyes because I prefer to have eye contact when I am talking.

A lot of information can be conveyed and received via eye contact, and any guy trying to get to know you will look to yours as a means of reading you (if he is good at it).

Killer Smile / Laugh (sathiyaa… Madhdham Madhdham Teri ye gili Hasi)

As they say a smile is contagious and that’s really true. Its not only a visible treat but sound of a good laugh can attract some of us (me for sure). Moreover, when you smile at someone it provokes a smile in return. A women’s mouth is often the first part a guy would notice not because of great lips or teeth but for social cues and trust me it is the most expressive feature a lady possess. A smile communicate to us in so many languages like “Hey there, you can talk to me” or “You can try but you have to really work hard for it” and “Get lost I am way above your league”. As an introvert person it affect me most of the time so I believe it must affect the next step a guy would like to take.

For me, A smiling woman is much more attractive as she sends the signal of happiness and optimism. Sometimes its easier to start a conversation with a smiling lady. I know its not so surprising but men always feel confident and more masculine with a smiling women. We (I) know which one is artificial smile and which one is natural that’s the reason sometimes we ask “All is well?” or “something is not right today”. The true sign of a sincere and natural smile is typical wrinkles around our eyes and I know because I practiced to smile a lot. My suggestions to all the girls, please smile more often since you never know who may be falling in love with your beautiful smile.

Can She Talk The Walk?

As they say actions speak louder than words the same way its very appealing for a Guy if that girl knows how to hold a conversation. Guys like me who feels difficulty in initiating a conversation and discussing the common topics then it become very necessary that she must have opinion about things which can bring us to common ground where we can put the foundation of the relationship.

The way she talks and the tone she uses to put her point forward. In few words if a girl who can hold a conversation is already attractive in a guy’s mind. For me she would be my 2 AM friend who can give opinion on some random thoughts which keeps me occupied all the time and she would be my conscious who can give me advice on the situation where I am stuck at times. 

The way She Carries Herself

They say that beautiful is something a girl needs to be but I believe instead of that she can be intelligent, interesting, witty, funny, sarcastic and 100 other things which she believes she can be. I think there are few things more beautiful than a confident woman and sometimes I will walk by a woman that radiates such confidence that I am automatically feel drawn to her energy. She must know how to carry herself whenever she is entering a room or a party. It is so attractive on a physical and nonphysical level. She must be strong and know who the heck she is.

Even if you aren’t feeling particularly confident one day, pretend you are. Carry yourself with confidence anyways. Men are attracted to women who know how to carry themselves.

Foot (First) Impression (Tumhare Pair Bahut Khoobsurat hain inhe jameen par mat rakho, Maile ho jayenge)

Okay, so its not a surprise anymore that some of the men love slim legs and they notice this about a woman. How she maintains her feet is another thing men notice and care about. In my opinion (I may be wrong) if a woman can look after her feet, she is someone who pays attention to details. I won’t write further as I do not have any intention to objectify something.

Her Sense of Humor

In fact this is the most important thing for me because I am being sarcastic sometimes which contains dark humor too. So I believe she should be the one who can understand these jokes and my pure intentions. You know it should not be our responsibility to make her laugh, we could expect the same from her. I hope guys are not expecting too much out of it lets say when we are having a bad day, she could try to make us smile with some humour or those tiny jokes and she must not give up until she knows that its fine. She must take life not that serious and even if she messed up something… so what? Make a silly remark and move on.

Ambitious, Humble and Her Refusal to settle for anything but the best

Everytime I see a woman actively pursuing her dreams and trying to get a better life for her and her closed ones. I always applaud that person and it find it very attractive myself because these qualities inspire me too. I want that person to know what she really wants and refuse to settle for anything less whether in a job, in a relationship, friendship or in life. I would be more than happy to change myself in order to alter my plans for her if she is so driven to become what she want to be. This may even mean to stand up for yourself and maybe even revaluate some relationships too. In my opinion everyone’s happiness is non negotiable so why not hers.

Needless to say confident and ambitious means cocky and sometimes people miss the difference. For me remaining humble is an essential part of knowing how to carry yourself. She can be more successful, most beautiful and most amazing human being in the world but she must not think that she better than others. That is being humble.

Sense Of Style 

A sense of style is a really fun way to express yourself because sense of style means for is to feel confident whatever you wear or wear those clothes in which you feel confident. Do not follow a fashion just because its trending and you have to be a part of that race. A Classy dresser lady has already bagged brownie points from him because the way she dresses gives us a certain impression about the woman personality and preferences. 

My have my biased opinion about dresses, if she drapes a saree I am already in Love (obviously she must know how to carry herself). In my alternate universe she must wear Saree at least once in a week not for people in general for me. Her ability to give an outfit personality AND be comfortable in it is what amazes me.

All said and done, she has her own preferences and rights to choose what is good for her and how she wanted to lead the life. However she can have many secret admirers (Not Stalkers) which even she might not know. Unless you are interfering with her privacy and personal space liking someone is very natural. So my advice to people out there is find someone who has these qualities and keep then with you and fight for them because it will help them as well as you. You will get a chance to be with most amazing person who can inspire you and support you. 

I have heard this quote somewhere “Naari Kal bhi Bhaari thi, Naari Aaj bhi Bhaari hai… Purush kal bhi Aabhari tha Purush aaj bhi Aabhari hai”.

Why Can't We Rise in Love ?

Being a Batman fan, I mostly loved all the dialogues from the movie (Christian Bale is my Batman) but one of the dialogue from that movie is very relevant for the topic which I am trying to explore today. When Alfred asks “Mr. Wayne, Why do we fall?” and then he answers himself “So, we can rise again”. That was a raw idea behind this post and then someone has inspired me in recent times to give some thoughts about how I feel about certain things. So I took the most overrated and over discussed topic for the post “What is Love and why we fall into it”.

Love is a word that has been used in many different contexts. It can be romantic love, platonic love, spiritual love, or even the love for your country. However, the one thing that does not change is the feeling of happiness and excitement when you are in love with someone. But since beginning we have been infused with some borrowed thoughts and I could say feelings too where we have been told that what a love could be. For example all SRK movies for that matter which has given us (boys) complex and set the standard so high that all the girls were looking for Raj and Rahul and in between average looking people got suffered (pain is real). In the same process sense of being lonely for rest of your life made us believe that whatever is being told in movies or stories are real. In this circus the actual feelings got lost and no one knows what is being in love. I have been questioning myself what could it be like being in love or what should I be feeling when I am in love. Then comes the billion dollar question why everyone is falling in love as if it is a mistake or a trap. Being analytical and overthinker by nature I believe we fall in trap, we fall on road and we fall in well which also suggests that we were not paying attention then why people use loosely this phrase “I fell in love” which will follow with the sentence “and it was a mistake”.

To assume of love as something to fall into can be limiting to relationships and in some instances inaccurate. Instead of falling in love, a greater fruitful thinking is to “Rise in Love”. Love is a very complex and difficult thing to define. It is not just one emotion but many emotions that can be hard to identify. Falling in love happens when we are attracted to someone, and we don’t know why. Love is an emotion that we experience and it’s a feeling that cannot be described with words. 

But what if you are unable to understand what your feelings are? 

What if you fall for anyone? 

What if trust and togetherness doesn’t matter to you? 

What if finding a life partner is not important to you? 

What if being in Love with someone is just enough to live life? 

What if your perfect person is in front of you and you do not want to accept that affection? 

Reasons could be 100s but the point which I am trying to derive that we fall when we are not ready, that could be the reason we “fall in love” instead of “Rise in Love”. 

May be falling is always easy and this could be the reason we always fall in love. Just imagine you are falling from 100 foot building and it will take only few seconds for you to reach the bottom of the building. Now you will say that fall in love is not equal to falling from the building. I would agree but it is a fall that has tempted many souls throughout our histories, movies and serials. Love appears inviting and tremendous on the different side of the fall, and we overlook everything so we can leap. As referred earlier that SRK movies have made falling in love so fancy so they can conveniently overlooked the problems in real life. Many of us (including me) hold fantasy about how a real love will look like and feel like. 

Will violin play?

Will I fall like SRK in Om Shanti Om? 

Will I be lost in her eyes ignoring that hello which she is saying to me? 

Will I be lost talking to her and just nod my head in between (Its an art)?

Will it be like fanboy moment?

Lets say you find this person, you may expect this person to understand you, accept your faults and meet all your emotional needs and if all flags turn out to be green then this person will want to marry you. Someone once told me that you want someone who can hear your silence and I was like this could be a too much expectation from someone. But in real life when you project this fantasy of perfection onto whomever you are dating then this fantasy mixes with real life issues and the desperate desire to be loved. When these ingredients mixes it creates a powerful toxic acid for your life. At this time we may feel anger, resentment, doubt and even despair. We think, “How can I be not lucky in love? Where is my Raj from DDLJ? Where is my real Soul mate? Why these things happen with me?  Then we closed our heart from the most important and powerful feeling called Love.

So here is the idea which I want to sell that instead of falling in love, we need to rise in love. We need to evolve beyond our expectations about lover’s nature. We must realize that love is much more than the templates set like soulmate, marriage and family. These ideas have corrupted us (means generations) by media, society, families and those 4 people whom I am searching since childhood. 

If Love (means emotion) could talk, he might ask that why people have been burdened him with accusations that he causes miserable pain. How can a emotion as beautiful as love causes pain, if it is causing pain its not love. For example I have find a girl who I think is picture perfect for me and she will be a perfect object (No disrespect just an example) of my affection and when she fail living up to that expectations, I feel pain. Then who is causing pain, in my opinion Love is not. 

Like a hypocrite, we want unconditional love but in the same sentence we put the condition that my partner should love me like someone whom I have admired in my earlier days. In my opinion Love should be free and unconditional and my point of rising in love means seeing the love unconditionally in all forms. There would not be pain as acceptance is pathway to true love and freedom. If you think you could be happy by binding someone via rituals, norms or other conditions then you are not right entirely. Sometimes people are so good in compromising and due to society and those norms they just live the life in regret and grief. In my opinion that is not an example of leading a good life or having a relationship where you lose yourself in the process.

Our desperation of searching Love that distracts us and keep us away from finding love we truly desire or seek. The Love which starts from you where you first find yourself then be in love without putting a condition there.

Now I have set the context so we could agree that falling in love does some damages over a period of time and you lose a sense of your identity and your personality traits changes basis the preferences of your partner. You always look forward to your partner for validations and seek approvals from him/her. You keep on doing the same thing which your partner likes and in mean time you lose your individuality and forget how happy you were when you first got an idea of being in love. I am sure there are million other ways to go wrong in this approach as love does not teach you that. As I like to showoff that my mathematics and analytical skills are great and when you say things combining with numbers those seems more appealing. So here it goes, two people come together in a relationship to share their space with the feeling of love which means as two individuals you were 100% in love with each other that’s why you decided to come together. If you do not love one hundred per cent of someone, you do no longer deserve their love and it’s as easy as that. Loving must be as convenient as breathing, and it must evoke emotions of joy, happiness and positivity. 

Now as I have established myself as a person who knows it all so here are few pointers which you would save you from falling in love and instead rising in love with your perfect partner:

Accept each other (Meaning 100%)

First rule of relationship which needs to be followed to the core. Embrace the flaws of your partner first and make a peace with it once and for all. Everyone thinks that their life is complex so in that case with whom you are moving forward is no exception which means you and that person built differently. I keep on saying that perfection is an illusion and its better to accept that you might have flaws which will make you more humane. You must have a progressive thought process to understand someone’s behavior instead of judging them basis those short comings.

Give them space to grow

Many people in relationships have trouble with giving each other space. They are afraid that they may lose the other person’s attention, or they think that they will get lost in their partner’s life.

But that isn’t the case. Giving your partner space will help you both to grow individually and together. It allows you to find out more about your self and what you want out of life and your future relationship.

Since we spend a significant amount of time with our partners, we need time apart from them too. That way when we come back together, we are enriched with new takeaways and can tell our stories to each other which leads to more intimacy and understanding of our partners' perspective on things

Have a good Ear

Sometimes all you need is to listen because your partner just want to vent out the thoughts which are bothering them. No matter how contradictory opinions are from each other, you have to remember the rule no. 1 that they are allowed to be different and it doesn’t really matter if you both are not aligned with one thought. If you follow that then instead of having heated arguments you will learn something new from her/him.

5 Complements in a day (lol, who is counting)

Everyone wants to listen something good about themselves. If you complement someone you will get to see the following:

1. Those puppy eyes looking at you (👀)
2. Blushing cheeks which will turn red eventually (😳)
3. And in return this sentence “really, you are joking right?” (😂)

I would do anything possible in the world to see these on a regular basis. You can make them feel special all you need to pay attention to small details (I did PHD) and try to choose words which evoke positivity. This will ensure positivity and happiness all around. 

Learn and Learn to improve 

We should always be open to learning from each other. When we have a willingness to learn from each other and are willing to accept differences, we can gain more knowledge.

Many people are under the impression that they can never learn anything new because they think they know it all. However, people should be open to learning new things. They should be willing to try new methods and strategies so that they can grow in their profession or field. For example I know someone who has totally different point of view about life and that was not practical but when I learn about that person I understood the prospective towards thing and you wont believe that shook my thought process too.

We spend most of our time with people, which means we need to find the right person. But it's not only about the person we date. It may sound like a lot but it's something that is worth thinking about carefully before making a decision. There is nothing more exciting than falling in love and getting to know someone on such a deep level, feeling butterflies as your feelings grow for him/her and there is nothing more important. But you should make yourself a promise that even after falling in love or after failing in love you will never hit rock bottom again. You have to take care of yourself and you will date again and this time in Love, you will rise instead of falling into it. Rising is the only option available for you because you are not suppose to go down because no one deserve being hurt in Love. must know that you have to rise because you are Love and Love is not here to let you fall and break. 

In other words, despite all the pointers and opinion I have, there’s something about love, falling in love, being in love surpasses all our definitions and attempts to understand. But, in the end, we love who we love, and the act of loving makes us who we are. If I do not close this post with following lines then I am not at all doing justice to this

Jise dhoondhta hoon main har gali… Wo Ladki hai Kahaan…!!!

Lets Meet a Virgo – A Zodiac Sign

 I decided to stop writing and tried to archive this blog as my personal diary because things are happening in life on a random basis. Before I could do so as I have a curious mind and am a overthinker I thought of writing something about a very special Zodiac sign with whom vibes are on a different level. There are few people who are in my life and share the same Zodiac sign “VIRGO”. Virgos are the balance between two extremes they are loyal and romantic and the same time they can be critical and aloof. If you want to have a good connection with Virgo you must know how to work with a Virgo’s quirks, either they are positive or negative. The most important thing is to be patient and understanding. My Mom and few of my friends are Virgos so I might know what I am talking about.

You might have seen those detective stories where Karamchand is taking his time and going through his thoughts to connect the dots and dissect every tiny detail which he has captured. Using his supernatural deduction, the guy identifies the solution in clear flash. I might not know the Zodiac sign of Karamchand but I am sure he would be Virgo. As this is Virgo’s ultimate super power. They are born with a giant magnifying glass via which they experience the world. They notice almost everything starting from dust on the floor to how you smile when you are in love. They are willing to help make your reality better with their magnified understanding. I think I have set the context then let grab the popcorn so we can decode a Virgo.

A Virgo is the most grounded sign of the Zodiac and they are very flexible, non-obsessive and easy going by nature. Virgos are hard core professionals and if I say they worship their work then I am not over amplifying. They experience series of job changes and after spending time in exploring areas in initial stage of their career they get to their right path and stick to it rebelliously. It may take a while for their partners or family members to come to terms with this however, like the Libra, the Virgos too balance well between their professional and personal lives.

An empathetic soul: A Virgo is always there for the people in need, it does not matter whether they are known to them. On other hand they can be a bit analytical and critical about the people, this trait comes naturally to them. However, if you combine criticism and modesty then people take criticism also with open hand. My favourite trait in Virgo is their great sense of humour and their ability to work under pressure. It comes naturally to them. Count your blessings if you have a Virgo as a life partner this line is dedicated to my Pappa if he decided to read this post.

A variable Sign: It means they are open minded mates, eager to understand your opinion on any latest movie or can plan an impromptu trip. They are open to change within themselves that’s how they roll. For example, I know someone if he/she can go to a religious place to live for 3 months he/she will come with new wardrobe and with religious views along with some new habits. They tend to surprise even best of us.

They are guided by philanthropy and can envision a better world where they try to convert that vision into reality. Don’t get confused it is different from daydreaming and never stop them from doing this else you would become their number one enemy. They might feel insensitive, but they truly want the best for others.

Worst Traits: I don’t know how this section would be perceived when it will reach out to the Virgos I know but I will try to keep this as blunt as Virgos are. Most of the time they feel disappointed just because they can not fix everything around them. They wont accept that the universe is fundamentally flawed. Once they are disappointed, they keep these thoughts to themselves as they are chasing the impossible standards and sometime, they suffer from imposter syndrome (Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence). They could try to maintain order, but they must learn that life is messy and that’s why it is interesting.

A secret which I know about Virgo: As we have established that Virgo has high standards, and they are high maintenance, but I know for the fact that they crave simplicity and have a deep connection to nature. They can be happy on coffee date around the corner coffee shop, but you must be ready to listen the critics if the coffee is not good. You can catch them reading books, doing their own medicine making from herbs, having green tea while enjoying the nature. You can also see them analyzing each and everything under the Sun. Virgo operates from a place where inward thinking is the highest skill which means they just recognize the danger of speaking too soon or without being sure. I am not implying that they are unwilling to express their thoughts. There is a difference.

Even after reading and analyzing all these traits, you are interested in dating a Virgo… its an interesting decision. This thought could come because of two reasons either you have your life sorted already or you are open to getting you life together because this journey may be tiring but would be very interesting. Dating a Virgo is not a joke, and it is tough than dating a Libra.

Virgo is critical perfectionist who will call you out on your harmful behavior and help you find solutions to reconcile (this has become my favorite word since I moved to Bangalore) with your demons and in order to do so they can give you silent treatments. Remember, they have the best of intentions for those they love, and they will always communicate with you when they feel the time is right. I might need validation on these thoughts because these are based on my observations and the knowledge which I acquired 7 years ago when I met a Virgo first apart from my Mom.

So even after all this you want to go ahead and ask her out then you must know the following:

Straight forward and No nonsense attitude: They are very straight forward and have zero tolerance to unnecessary flashiness. When it comes to relationship, they hate mind games and withholding emotions. Instead of them making assumptions for you they prefer having you to be straight with them. I personally feel this is the most difficult part for me to go through as it is not a great trait (Being a Cancerian) I have. While pursuing Virgo, you must know that communication is the key. You must ensure that they know about your feelings else they might consider the whole process as a waste of time. They will think just as hard about your relationship as they do the meaning of life, so be willing to share what you think, too.

More thoughtful even from your thoughts: They have a mammoth memory and all the thinking Virgos do means that they know how to make people feel special. They wont need you to be that thoughtful in return as they often like being the most thoughtful person in the room. If you ever able to surprise your Virgo with something just as thoughtful now and then then your bond would be stronger than ever.

They look for someone who is driven, intelligent and mature and the only way to Virgo’s heart is to earn their respect. She would really want to know what you are thinking about, even if it's something as small as what kind of food you want for dinner or what movie you should watch next.

Loyal to a fault but not to be taken for granted: Virgos are loyal and committed to the things they believe in. They are also very organized, practical, and logical. A Virgo is someone who will always stay true to their word and follow through on their commitments. They work hard to make sure that they have a plan ahead of time so that they can be prepared for any eventuality. Virgos will do whatever it takes to get the job done and do it well - even if it means doing more than what is expected of them. So if you ever try to do a smart act then they will promptly hand you a one way ticket out of their lives. They don’t believe in bad investments either in relationships or otherwise.

No one should cheat at all, but you shouldn't cheat on a Virgo especially. Not only will these masters of intuition undoubtedly find out, but you will be breaking the trust of some of the most trusting people in the world. Trust and loyalty like theirs is hard to come by. They will always try their hardest to see the good in their friends and partners.

Kissed Many Frogs: As they have being on top of the game called life. It is most likely that your Virgo has loved many Mr./Ms. Wrong. It would be incorrect to say that they didn’t see the flaws in their partner, but they were willing to fix the flaws and tried to help their partners in their early encounters. In my personal opinion this is a blessing and a curse of being a Virgo as their compassion is taken for granted.

You have to be thankful to your Virgo for what they are doing for you and you must return the same dedication to them. Just try not to be another Frog.

Maa… Bahu Mil Gyi : Virgos are very family oriented and they will be a perfect partner whom you can introduce to your family. They will treat your family like their own and jump to help them whenever they need. Virgos prefer quieter ambiences to loud crowded places which makes family outings much more appealing to them than a wild night out with friends. So you have your family outing planner in your Virgo.

Your parents will love that your Virgo is hardworking with defined goals and these are kinds of people you bring home to your Mom because they are there for you for the long haul. Once you prove yourself to a Virgo they wont let you go easily.

Don’t Force them into things they don’t want to do (read Patience): Introvert by nature they might love you very much but they need their alone time. If the Virgo doesn’t want to go out then try suggesting staying home, eating dinner and Netflix.  Sometimes, a Virgo will need to be completely alone. Do not get upset if a Virgo does not wish to spend time with you. Use this as an opportunity to run tasks or catch up with your friends and family.

When in a relationship, you have to be patient. Be affectionate but don’t over do it like a 18 years old kid doing cute things (Calendar booking) too soon or you might just scare them away. Despite the random socializing, there’s a bit of a loner in every Virgo. They are fiercely independent and plunder some alone time every now and then. When in a relationship, as a partner, it’s imperative for you to understand that Virgos need to maintain an equal balance between their time with you, their family, their friends and their time alone.

At the same time, make sure to not be too clingy or needy because that'll only push them further away. Just be patient and give your Virgo the freedom to do their own thing. I promise they’ll appreciate it!

Ready for Harsh Critics: As you all know by now that Virgos are perfectionist and have an eagle eye when it comes to spot the errors. They notice every little details and sometimes it makes you feel that they are trying to be a know it all. It will become a horror story when you know that they are very vocal about pointing out those mistakes to you (they cant keep this with them as they want to improve you). Virgos are also the most self-critical of the zodiac. They take great pride in their diverse knowledge of things and tend to be very hard on themselves if they fail at a task.

When in a relationship, it can be a bit of a challenge to put up with their ridiculously high standards. As a partner, this is where you need to go the extra mile to support your Virgo when they’re being self-critical and remind them that they're only human too!

Well Informed and intense debaters: Virgos are highly intelligent and knowledgeable that’s the reason they admire this quality in their partner as well. One piece of advice that you must not challenge or question a Virgo unless necessary because they can suddenly become quite angry. Even in relationship, as they have already thought through and in case of debate or an argument they are rarely on the losing side. Generally, they don’t make a case unless they are sure so if this situation comes and you are up against them then you must have your facts right because your Virgo would be ready with all guns and cannons.

When on a date, remember that your goal is to know each other so your questions should be around those thoughts where you could get to know what matters to her. You must pay attention and keep eye contact and when a Virgo speaks up its after careful thought and observations. For example if I need someone to proof read my book then I would go to a Virgo women who would be in my corner rooting for my success and willing to go above and beyond.

In my personal opinion, she is a dreamer and a woman on mission who knows what needs to be done. That’s the only reason I want to be close to a Virgo so I can begin to recognize her. I believe if I would have a privilege of ever seeing her, I will definitely find someone who is nothing short of magical. She would be my source of inspiration who would be ready to listen to my dreams and my bucket list. I know good things come with time and apart from being persistent I cant do much about this Zodiac sign. I want to ask her about her day and want to see how much hard work is being invested for the future she has imagined where things would be perfect.

She’s basically perfect. Maybe *too* perfect

At last I would say, you must cherish your Virgo partner and they’ll cherish you right back. They rarely believe in second chances so don't ever give them a reason to mistrust you.

Sources: Internet and Personal Experience!

Revisiting the Memory Lane - 3201

Here I am with one of the most important topics to cover. Its about the best days of my Life when I lived for me not for anyone else and I did not care about being vulnerable or showing up the weakness. You might be wondering as how these can be defined as best days. So answer to your question, as they say that best days for any human being is when he/she learnt new ways or they discover themselves or they Live the life fullest. If I look at myself 8 years ago, I was the one who used to define terms of my life and who was not afraid of anything and was always ready for consequences of his own actions. As life is all about facing changes and adopt it and I was no exception.

When my friends got to know about this Blog then they have forced me to write something about the days which we spent together in Gurgaon at my flat 3201. It was a open BAR for all my friends (I have very few friends) and I am not going to name these people as most of these are the best kids at their home. This all got started at 18^th October 2019 or later in October when some chain of events forced me to rethink about all the current arrangements in life (I am not gonna talk about it). I needed a distraction and Anchor who can hold me there for sometime so I can figure out most of the things on my own either by overthinking or logically. These are the folks I relied on and I trusted my Life with them. Like everyone else in this world, I hate being vulnerable but the comfort some of them have provided me was unmatchable. One of them believes that our connection is because of selfishness of both the parties and that was true in the beginning (Cant write much).

I am listing down the last few days of my life which I spent in Gurgaon in 3201.

12^th March: It was a sudden when I got to know that WFH was started in the company and this should be followed religiously. I was suppose to be relieved on 16^th as it was my last day as per my plan but as always my plans never worked out the way I want them. I have MN to help me relieved this day only as I do not want to start this setup for two days and surprisingly KP also joined the forces. I must say I was more concerned about the product review on Monday which was kind of nightmare for me. So finally it was decided that today is my last day and I was not able to react to this. I was forced by someone to meet the founders and I did as I was told and later in the evening entire team was ready for in house party at 3201. Planning was done and we were sitting at my place with all sort of arrangements which was enough to make us high. I still remember the game where the movie name suppose to be guessed and I have given “Langda daude Gali Gali” which is not qualified as a movie but everything is fair in competition. Then we have discussed what I feel about all the people available in group that day, apart from one person all my opinion was true and for that person I was honest only 40% as my honesty would not have served the higher purpose so I choose to hide few facts. That day I felt very humble as so many people said good things about me and I felt the same way for them. When this party got over and it was time to say good bye to each and everyone of them. It was done in most decent manner as I was too high to comment on this now. I decided that I will make the best use of the rest of the days so instead of planning for entire days, I started one day at a time so I have 13^th (Friday), 16^th (Monday), 17^th (Tuesday) and 18^th (Wednesday) so we planned for 13^th March.

13^th March: Following the philosophy one day at a time, I was all set for the day where we were suppose to meet on breakfast followed by movie and post that plan was yet to be created. I have reached to the decided place where someone was connected to the internet and taking business call so I concentrated on ordering breakfast and once everyone was there we moved to movie and at that time we didn’t know that it was Irfan Khan’s last performance which we were watching. This day I got a chance to choose my farewell gift (watch) so we have visited few places and finalized it. There are very limited colors in my life so I get settled with Black. We have ordered food and carry it to my place 3201 where we did lot of Bakar and had few beers. The time has come to call it a day and trust me it was the most amazing day where no stress on work and anything, I was happy being me and living the moment. In evening (later) BV came from Delhi to have an extended party where I was already down with couple of beers. So me, VT and BV started with the session and it was one of those sessions which you can not forget where your friends push you to accept something which they think you are denying and they give you reality check. We were high like anything, even today when I see those pics I could not stop my laugh. We were given dare where I have to call my one of my contacts and other have to send random Insta requests which later I got to know that VT got lucky and task was done. We were making notes so we can discuss tomorrow. It was hell of a ride as I have revisited all those memories which we have created in 6 years and counting it on for more years.

16^th March: Day has started, and I was officially jobless as my last was 13^th March in office and as decided we (KP and me) have to give a farewell lunch to the team. We reached to the venue and we were waiting for the team members to join. As I said my planning never go as expected so due to Covid only few of them make to the lunch and I was kind of sad initially but it turned out to be the best day as we had lot of fun. One thing I could say that I have earned some place in these people life who turned out to the venue and for those who called me to tell that they won’t make it. The lunch got over and we decided to do after lunch catchup in one of the open restaurants as it was few of the last days I had at my end to be with them. Trust me I felt like I was in some sort of movie and my life is about to end so I wanted to maximize the exposure. This was the day I got to know if you order coffee you have to say extra hot else they will give you coffee on some random temperature. I am quick learner that way. I got two very thoughtful gifts one was watch which was my favorite and second one was Poker set as someone thought I am a gambler which some how I did not deny. It was a day well spent and I asked someone that I want to meet tomorrow and my request was honored. I came to 3201 and VT and RR was there with Beers and food as my entire home was shifted to Bangalore on 15^th and I was left with one mattress and bedsheet. These guys always make me feel important and sometimes I feel I am not worthy enough for their compliments as it increased my responsibility and attachments towards them and I hate attachments. This day passed and I was thinking what I would do when I wont be around with them, I have never felt the same whenever I left something behind in order to move forward. Some drunk and high calls done today too as when I cant sleep I think.

17^th March: Yesterday was my farewell lunch and courtesy Covid very few of people turnout to appear and I was glad those people are there who mattered me the most. I keep on asking what is the plan and I got one, we were meeting again today. I was excited like a kid who got his way to full fill his wish to get his favorite toy or icecream. We meet again and this day was very special as I got to know about the person very thoroughly and I realized that the connection between us was beyond comprehension and as this person (he/she) was the most beautiful soul I have ever come across. I was so involved in knowing the story it seems some was walking me through my own life's decision. This was the day I fall for the idea of being with that person. I am known to be a person who can hide emotions and show absolute detachment, I was trying very hard to keep up the reputation. These 4 hours I can trade with anything in my life and that day we did not click pictures and I was containing and creating as much memories as I can. My other gang was waiting for me at a Bar where I reached around 2030 hours lost in thoughts if I can stop the time at that point and keep listening those words which were giving me validation that my profiling was not wrong and that person is the one. Do not have liberty to write more so moving on to the party which was already started as I have already delayed. We were having the drinks and MR. RR, VT and BV were crazy which I have not seen them earlier. I have to make a promise to them that we will be in touch and trust me it is a bigger commitment which I have given my office mates in last 10 years. I do not want to be in touch because emotions were not good for my health as a overthinker and emotional person. We finished two bottles that day and was singing songs out loud. Still remember RR dance moves and VT’s drunken moves.

18^th March: This was the D day when I have to leave from Gurgaon permanently with some promises to my closed people that I would bring them to the place where I was going and I still trying. The day started with an Hangover as some stuff was there which has to be finished before I move out from Gurgaon and that was last stock. I was so Sad and confused and was not able to determine my mood as this was a new feeling after the long time where moving away from few people was very difficult. I hate to admit since 28th Jan till this date I regret my decision to move on but me being me I have to test out something and I have to be sure about my feelings and surroundings. Mr. VT has went to office and he suppose to come in the evening when I have to leave and Mr. RR was busy with his own shit as he was already happy being secret Santa. I waited till I received a call to reach out some place where we all three can meet and courtesy Covid few places were open so we met at one of the open property in Gurgaon where we had lots of discussion related to office stuff and most avoidable question of my Life as what I am gonna do when I am away from the people I cared and loved. Later in the afternoon we moved out to the place where I have last drinks of the day in Gurgaon with one of my favorite people. This still feels fresh when I suppose to enjoy the moment but the only thing I could think at that point of time that I wont be able to see them ever (Given my destiny’s past track record). I was in a dilemma what should I say and how should I say that these 5 months were the best part of my life but the current circumstances did allow me to confess. Then I got dropped of at my place and that 5 last minutes still make me feel sad and I can trade anything to keep that moment freeze. On a lighter note I still have the video of breathless song which was performed in the car. Crazy memories… I reached to 3201 and my gang was waiting for me with more alcohol as if they wont get a chance to meet me again. I gave courage to them rather I would say to myself that we will meet again and I left for Railway station. When I was in Cab through out the journey till I reach my home town I was not able to sleep each and every small things which we spoke argued were fresh in my memory and those are still intact. Those chats are precious to me and give me strength and tell me that I am human too who just got stuck in wrong time.

Today, 18^th March 2021, when I look back and recall these memories then I think that those days couldn't be better than they already are. It seems as If these happened yesterday. I am a prisoner to these memories where I play victim, judge and lawyer to defend my judgements and till now I am not sure if I could have handled it in better manner or My judgement was right to move away from the people I cared. Writing these memories are my attempt to over come my most felt fear where I see myself loosing my memory or blocking my memories. This is my attempt to bring back good times which we spent alongside and these I would want to take it to my grave. Whatever I felt was real and even if I try to hide it from the world but I have to be honest to myself.

Will You Be My Valentine?

Before we talk about the reasons why you should be my Valentine (forever) and why I believe that you are making the difference in my life. Let’s talk about the feelings which forces you to express from your heart but mind always overruled the situation. When we fall in love with an individual, we give them a piece of our existence and hope. We share same bond and make it stronger and this feeling is beyond comprehension. That’s how two people grow closer to one another and form a never-ending bond of happiness, tears and silence. In my opinion “I LOVE YOU” is the most selfish phrase ever written where I would be putting myself before Love and “You” and without “I” this phrase seems incomplete. For me Love is beyond logic, situation and condition, I believe “Loving anyone can not be bound under any conditions”. Hence, I have never used this phrase till now. Love should be there in a raw form which only can be felt, that is the reason they say, “the Love is in the Air”.

Reasons for loving someone?

These reasons can not be logically addressed. These come to my mind when I miss them. When I feel, I am about to lose them or they are beyond my reach or may be I wont be able to see them. They are constant reminders of my love for them. When I miss the one, I love, my mind just starts jotting down the words on its own. I just wear my overthinking cap and think about the 8 aspect of the outcomes. I believe in the power of expression and expressing one’s feelings should be of the utmost importance. Without revealing our emotions and our thoughts into words, I don’t think we can lead to a honest self-life where we should not justify our steps which were not taken. It is a feeling where your heart skips a beat and your hands are shaky and joy overwhelms when you hear her voice or see her or you are with her, but you can’t find the right words to express how you feel. You mind make us cute phrases and tiny cheesy sentences, but it simply doesn’t cut it to put a feeling so strong and so big into something as tiny as words.

I am told that though the words are tiny, they have a much greater impact than one would think. That’s the reason I am here with the list of 14 reasons why You should be my Valentine or Why I feel the connection:

1. You’re my best friend, If I had to write 100 reasons why I feel this connection with you this would be my favourite one. You and I are a team. We have so much fun doing absolutely nothing. Sitting idle with you seems so much interesting. We share chemistry so strong nothing can break it. We might not look perfect on paper, but we are acute angle. You are the one of my safe haven, my first call whenever something happens (good or bad), you are someone I can talk to about anything and everything. That feeling is making me love myself more, and without even trying, you are turning me into a better person . With you by my side, I am the best version of me. 

2. I want you to be my valentine because you introduce me to a new universe. I never felt fully accepted before you came along. Someone was always trying to make me different to fit their world. They always pushed me to change, and you wouldn’t have me any other way. In your eyes, I am just the right amount of weirdness and remarkableness. You like the bright parts of me but accept my darker days as well. You do not expect me to be someone I’m not, and that’s so liberating and help me to be grounded.

3. I want you to be my valentine because you saved me from the demons that possessed me. I think you are my guardian angel. Having you around make me feel safe and I can be vulnerable too. Never in my life had I known a person so dependable and then you came along. You never lie to me or mess with my feelings. I can depend on you for everything as you can on me. Let me tell you that it was the first hand feeling that with you I can relax and silence my fears.

4. I want you to be my valentine because you make me laugh and you make me forget the world. I think being with you is as easy as breathing. You don’t complicate things; there is no drama or mind games. You make me the happiest I’ve ever been. You don’t have to do anything special—your presence alone is enough to make my day amazing. You make every ordinary moment count. Laughter, inside jokes (sarcasm and Mean Jokes).

5. I want you to be my valentine because I am scared of getting closer to you as I have a burden of the past but I am not scared that you will leave because I have learned to respect the choices of people as everyone has a right to live their life on their terms. You are always in my corner, cheering me on to believe in myself and push harder. With you by my side, there is nothing I can’t do. You silence my insecurities.

6. I want you to be my valentine because you are interested in unravelling the words of my untold story. The words that I vowed never to show anyone. You make me want to read them out loud and you make me want to write a happy ending. Maybe everything isn’t always perfect like in the fairytales, but I still love the reality of us more. Let me quote SRK “Agar akhir me sab achchha na ho to samajhna Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost”. All of the stories I have seen but it seems in this story, we can be our unique selves. In our story, even the most difficult of times are easier because we have one another to lean on.

7. I want you to be my valentine because when I miss you I know where to find you. I admit most of the time my overthinking stops me doing something which I want to do but deep inside my heart I know you would be there. Sometimes we don’t even have to speak to understand one another. We pick up on each other’s vibes. We know when it’s best to say nothing and I am learning when it’s best to speak up. 

8. I want you to be my valentine because there is something so strong between us that there is no logic which can explain it. I feel so much that words don’t cut it. If you feel the same for me, you will know what I’m talking about. I adore you. When we talk, I forget that the rest of the world exists. For me, there is no one but you. This love consumes me.

9. I want you to be my valentine because you make me feel like a kid in love. it’s funny, but I fell so hard for you that it makes me feel like a teenager who has found his connection for the first time in his life. I look forward to every text or call from you. I can’t wait to see you, and I can never get enough of you.

10. I want you to be my valentine because you are my soulmate and whenever I see a movie or listen to those cheesy lines: “I knew from the moment I met you”. It seemed so fake to me because before you, I could never say that. I really did know that you were someone special from the moment I laid my eyes on you. You are the most beautiful thing happen to me. What I felt at that moment had nothing to do with reason and logic. I guess emotions rarely do. I am glad you proved me wrong. 

11. I want you to be my valentine because you value me. I know there is no point in wandering through the past, but I guess it’s excusable when it helps you value the present moment. Sometime circumstances do not allow me to express as I think people will judge me. I have always been taken for granted and my actions were judged basis people convenience irrespective of my intentions. 

12. I want you to be my valentine because I am done running away from you since I felt this special feeling. I miss you when you are not around. That’s one of the first signs that screamed that I fall for you before I gathered up the courage to admit it to myself. I get threatened with the thought of not getting to see you or not able to talk to you. I always tried to hide it and run away from the situation because I think I am not the one for you but the distance makes this feeling more stronger.

13. I want you to be my valentine because I love making memories with you. We have shared so much so far that it seems like I know you far more than I do. We have shared moments so beautiful and so powerful that they are making me warm inside every time I think of them. Those memories are the reasons I never feel down even in the toughest situations.

14. I want you to be my valentine because you because you made my walls tumble down. My past made me build walls around my heart that I thought were unbreachable. I was someone else who was just existing in my life and justifying all my actions to the people around me. You showed me that you were different. You showed me that I can trust you. You showed me that you would never intentionally hurt me, and I had no other choice but to let you get close. I am glad I did. You taught me how to love again by believing in me, by believing in your gut feeling that if we were meant to be, we will be together.

I spent half of my life dreaming about that one special person, and you put my dreams to bring shame on. You are better than anything I could ever dream or imagine. You are the one who compliments my life and makes it incredible. There could never be anyone else but you. I am not sure if this all make sense but end of the day… You are the magic I believed in and there is no logic when it comes to magic. The moments with you, thats when I wish I could stop time!

Happy Valentines day !

Yours,

Table No. 18, Pepe Verde's Cafe

Happy Birthday from Unbeatendesire!

 Dear Birthday Girl,

Cheer up. Take courage. “The truth is that getting older is nothing to be feared. Its make you unique in its own ways”. As the years go by, you gain a perspective not found in younger years. Mysteries of why things happened years ago start to clear up. You can see how the pieces of life fit together. Using thoughtful retrospection, the older you become, the more life makes sense.

You are indeed a great personality - the way you talk, the way you smile, your obsession for success, love for your family. Your passion for your future, your philosophical thoughts, clarity about your life, the purity in your heart, control over your emotions, your friendly nature, your efforts to make me laugh when I feel alone, when I feel so low. The way you turn every intense situation into something positive and sometimes light. Being yourself, being so selfless, adventurous, caring, affectionate and Crazy. 

We have not known each other for a long time, about a year and a half at most. But I do know this; I have feelings for you. What I do know for certain is that you are kind, beautiful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. You are precious to me and I couldn't bear to see you hurt. I would just about lose my mind. I am the kind of person who would like to hide behind blogs and open letters, when it comes to talking about my feelings, I'm not the best at it. I just don't enjoy addressing matters of the heart.

Let's be honest... we're practically polar opposites. However, we have enough similarities to get along, I think. Here are a few reasons why I like the hell out of you and why you should be super excited about your birthday (Yes, I'm writing a list of the reasons. I warned you):

• You're really good at what you do and you're so passionate about it. Who wouldn't admire that? A damned hater, that's who! 
• You are so supportive of me. The other day I was feeling really down, and I shared with you what I was going through. You listened and offered words of encouragement in a way that showed you really do care. You'd never just give me the whole "Stop complaining because many people would love to be in your shoes" response that so many people give; that response has inspired me to NOT open up about my feelings when I'm going through hard times. But you don't do that to me. You're just there for me. It means a lot. Yeah.
• I love talking to you on the phone. I like getting excited when I realize I've got a text from you. You are may one of the favorite notification on Whatsapp.
• My life is pretty weird and unpredictable. Sometimes because of my career and my personal issues. With you, it is like everything is normal and so peaceful and I have never felt the same way for years.
• I think you deserve the world, yet somehow I don’t think you always see that. But I want you to know, I often find my own self wondering what I did to deserve you.
• You taught me what a connection really is and I got crazy when you told that You come in to people’s lives with a purpose and you change them. You make every single person around you better, without even realizing it.
• You’re the person that someone can only live without, if they’ve never lived with them before. You light up every room, and lift up every single person around you. People need you.
• You get to know them down to their very core, even when they’re hard to get to know. You go to war for the people that you love, and do it without even thinking. Love isn’t an option for you. It’s just who you are and it makes you the most beautiful soul I have ever known. Because your love isn’t fearful, or weak. It’s the most powerful force that I have ever felt—indestructible and unconditional.
• If for any reason, we ever fight about something, and I mean really fight about something, I will always want to fix it. I hope you stay around for a long time, because I want you in my life forever. You have made my life so much better since you entered it and the memories that we have made together are one in a million. With that being said, I hope you know how much I appreciate you, how much I appreciate everything that you do for me. And I hope that you know I would do anything for you, without even hesitating because you're my best friend.

I could have written a lot of things as you know but I am not going to make this post boring for you so sub listing few points for which you should be happy as its you 18th Birthday with 12 year’s experience: 

1. You have the ability to create a smile and trust me that you have a beautiful smile that erases all the worries away.
2. Your happiness is contagious and you have the perfect timing in entering a person’s life.
3. You are candid in the most positive way.
4. You can stay for as long as you’re needed and A simple “Hi” from you is something worth hearing.
5. You know how to tease and not make a person angry. I can vouch for that.
6. You make a heart beat fast… and faster and your stare is worth a smile.
7. Your genuinely say “sorry” and I don’t know how you do it.
8. Your heart is as big as your soul and you give good advice even if the situation doesn’t coincide with your life.
9. You have principles and you follow them.
10. You love your God (YOUR) more than anybody.
11. You pick your closest friends and don’t forget them.
12. When the temperature rises, you choose to go to sleep and put your phone on “Airplane Mode” and I hate it.
13. You don’t make someone feel bad.
14. You avoid wars just as you always find peace.
15. You trust that your thoughts are true.
16. You are not afraid to question things.
17. You’re brave because you want to.
18. You love conversations and people might not know but you are easy to talk to.
19. Your silence is magical and it put me revisit all the conversation where I could be wrong.
20. Your soul is beautiful in every single way.
21. You stand by what you believe in life and for that you follow and break rules at the same time.
22. You don’t really assume that the society’s standards are all true.
23. You love yourself and trust me you would never walk alone because you are loved by people.
24. You don’t fake your emotions and you try to explain your self but don’t expect to be understood.
25. You know how to keep secrets and Friendship with you is an exciting adventure and you can walk a mile on someone’s shoes.
26. You are not afraid to make a mistake and your opinions always matter.
27. You won’t be forgotten easily and you don’t compete in attention – you don’t need to.
28. You are not someone to be liked; you are someone to be loved.
29. Your genuineness will stay forever.
30. You are special, and you may not know it.

Thank you for sticking by me, getting to know my life, showing me the most sincere support and unconditional care. I couldn't thank you enough for the countless amount of times that you have stuck by me when I needed you. I have no idea what I'd do without you sometimes... or all of the time. And I am so happy that I don't ever have to find out.

Even I am not happy with wrinkles and thinning hair when we grow more older as every year is a single step reaching to that destination. But I love getting older. It is a sweet time in life. Embrace it. Go ahead. I dare you. Fall in love with getting older.

Happy Birthday…! Don’t count your wrinkles count your blessings!

Yours!

Ji chang Wook