Crush Alert - An Open Letter to My Crush

I believe most of the time too many thoughts go unsaid because either situations are not positive, or you are tied up with some imaginary bonds. However, as they say you can create/see beauty in everything, if you stop feeling hurt and believe in the Magic. I always say, “do the favour to the universe and don’t hide your magic”. I come from old school where Love at first sight was a thing, and this right swipe technology can not beat that. Sometimes Love can be most unexpected thing in life which can destroy all your plans and you cannot understand the maths (When you involve maths then it becomes more critical hence the reference) behind it. I wrote about what we see in a girl to get attracted however this can’t be true all the time and sometimes you get attracted to the vibe (Magic) when you were least expecting it. It’s a contagious and you won’t get over it.

Personally, I always get attracted to broken souls, pain behind those smiles, Big eyes and hidden darkness which is expecting a light of hope. Somehow, I start feeling responsible to fix and understand those feelings (People say I don’t understand feelings and I don’t care about them) so I can absorb and understand other people prospective. When you start understanding the person by seeing the soul then there is no going back at least for me. It’s a trap for me and I always remain there in Love. Sometimes you cannot explain, what you see in a person. It is just the way they take you to the places where no one else can. It’s hard to get rid of the demons inside you because they were holding you once no one was there but it doesn’t mean you have to be there even if you get a chance to embrace light. Sometimes I am in love with the impossibility of us because being in Love is beautiful. That’s the reason I am too old for Internet Love and I believe in falling in Love.

I am sure by now you would have started to think what I am trying to say. I am having a mental block for almost 4 years as I failed to read a person with whom I had spend 7 years (3 years knowing I judged her well and 4 years thinking what to do and how to get out of it). In this journey for 4 years I have met few people who have helped me in coping up the situation apart from Family and brother from other mothers. Those people have worked magic in my life, and I fell for them unknowingly but never expressed because I always was either in wrong story or at wrong time.

Love. It truly is a magical feeling when it’s shared. Slow down. It takes time and, yes, it usually begins with a crush. That can be frightening because no one likes to feel rejected, and crushes can work both ways. I am sharing this letter so they can know how I feel about them and there would be many more people who would share my thoughts too (whoever have seen the magic). Just because people don’t vocalize things, they love about you or the qualities they admire, doesn’t mean you aren’t admired for all that you are. The second reason is to free myself by being vulnerable and I believe this is the best way. One of the most beautiful things in a person is emotional vulnerability, so why would I not use that to my advantage? Be the energy you wish to attract and live more in the uncomfortable. I hope one day I could say "Will you be my Valentine forever?".

Dear You,

I love your energy and vibe and I believe you already know that though. You know the last time I was easily able to see this when I was in 5^th Grade, and I admitted that I liked a girl. I have a crush on you or may be more than that because thinking about you makes me dizzy and all I get excited when I see you virtually or in person. I have been feeling this way for some time and I really don’t know how to say it and if I should say it because things are much better this way where I don’t have fear to loose you and I don’t want to find out if this revelation of feeling will change it. I have never told you these feelings because I don’t want to make things awkward. I am being the greatest overthinker alive and I know that you are too sweet to lose over something silly like the romantic feelings of me for you which are not mutual (I don’t know). I have always thanked my crushes for touching my life in such a beautiful way which made me a better person.

We were connected for the longer time and but not have known each other for the longest time but I know this for sure that I have feelings for you. Whether they may be of infatuation or actual love, I don’t know yet. The only thing I know that you are kind hearted, amazing, soulful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. I couldn’t bear to see you hurt. I would lose my mind.

Let me explain myself, my Cancerian friend says I always keep things with me and don’t express in person which is not correct. As per him you deserve to know (he doesn’t know you yet) and hear how truly amazing you are and it’s unfortunate that in this internet and app generation that letters like these are not written more often. First, you are hilarious, and I love that we can build off each other’s humour. It’s not your wit or intellectual humour because you are yet to reach there as training is in process but you are silly at the same time. When I started interacting with you, I couldn’t believe that how effortlessly you can be weird, quirky, goofy and childish at the same time. You seem like pure light which just reached the darkest places of my heart which was closed for more than years.  

I also love and appreciate that you are sensitive, thoughtful, and deep. My Mom is one of the strongest pillars in my life and she has taught me that strength is not how little you can allow yourself to feel and care about everything and be loving even you can be hurt. I love that you are strong like that too. I love that you get emotional and are not ashamed by that as you believe that crying is good for beauty. It is beautiful and inspiring and makes me feel comfortable letting my guards down. Around you, I feel safe and protected. I don’t know if I can say I have ever felt that way around anyone before. I love that you see and like me for who I am and what I love.

I really do think you are incredibly cute and trust me that is not why I like you the way I do. I like you for so many more important reasons than the way you look. I love the way you are and the way you make me feel basis your stupid ideas to spend my weekends (on B and A). You are kind, affectionate, silly and loving and most inspiring thing is that you are hardworking, have dreams, you are interesting and you are willing to fight for your dreams. I always have this fear if people going to like me for me, who I am, for my heart, with my broken soul and my darkness which kept me captive for the longest time. For someone to love me like that I can wait a long time, because I don’t believe there is anything more magical than true love.

I love you so much, and it’s not just a made-up thing. When I’m with you, I feel like everything is possible and that life is perfect. It’s as if God created you to make my world the best place for me to live. You know, I can’t describe the kind of happiness that I feel every time my cell phone beeps and received your message. You deeply warm my heart and soul with those messages that you send to me. Those messages inspire me in life.

I know you and I believe I don’t have much time and current circumstances and timings are not favorable for us. I don’t want to make things more complicated for us than they already are. Regardless of your feelings and even if this doesn’t work, I will always cherish this connection forever and keep these feelings valuable and private. The thought of you reading this letter and able to understand that you are the one I am talking about and feeling so loved, appreciated, and valued brings me nothing but happiness. You mean everything to me. I love you for who you are, and I would never change that. Your smile, your eyes, your voice. I love it all. When you laugh, I laugh, when you smile, you make me weak in the knees every beat of my heart is for you… Thinking of you brings a smile to my face, and your face brings sunshine into mine.

I have made myself understood that we might be those twin flames who make us better persons who can handle anything in life. That could be the reason God has put us on those paths and somehow, I got connected to your unperfect way of handling things perfectly. I will accept it someday. So just spending time with you is something I look forward to. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. I was so happy and inspired to see you always and almost every day is my happiness. Even though I know I am the only one feels that way. But it’s okay as I am not wishing that you do admire and care for me too. To see you is enough it brought smile to my heart. But unexpectedly I feel that there is hope between us.

Here is my favorite pickup line which I have used with 100% results might work on you “Hathi Naali me Bah nahi sakta, Main tumhare bina rah nahi sakta.”

Sincerely,

Me

Fallen in Love with a Girl wearing Black Saree - A confession

This is the story of how I fell in love with you. It begins, unlike most stories, not when you first said hello to me and decided that you will talk to me, but months after we had become friends and when I got to know about you very closely. As I claim that I consume knowledge and observe people basis behavior and intent then how can I not be fallen for you. I hadn’t meant to fall in love with you. You were the last person on earth that I could ever see myself missing or feeling attached to the core especially given how much I would joke around with you about the things are going in each one of our life. I was going through a rough patch in my life where I was almost lost in dark who was having work as a distraction and just surviving basis some liquids and smokes. I have never thought that I will be in a condition to write this post for you as I always believed that you were out of my league and this won't work. I even cant be an option for you for obvious reasons but as they say Love is Magic and beyond logic. 

Why this post?

If I already have thought about all the circumstances and multiple outcomes of our story where I have convinced myself that it is not the best option for you then why I am writing this post as confession. In recent days I felt vert threatened by the thought that I might loose someone I love the most. I promised that if all went well, then I will put forward a truth which noone knows till date (They might have an idea as I might have given hints) and that can affect me deeply. Now things are going back to normal so I made and amendment in that promise that I will tell this truth via this post as this truth might not be worthy of someone's time.

Why it is Love at First Sight ?

It is because I have never thought about our equation earlier than this day. The day I saw her in Drape in Black Saree and attending the January wedding, I just lost it and for atleast 25 mins (Random Number to attract audience) the only thought was running like a sticker on my mind "Is that you or I am in my dreams?" along with a followup thought "Now I am creating a new Mess". I did all sort of escapism to run away from that feeling and multiple time validated also but it remained the same till now. 

If you only love the way they love, walk, or talk, there are fewer chances that the relationship will be a success. So, make sure you are sure about your feelings before making the first move.I also read lot of books to divert my mind and tried to undo things but you can not just wiped the feelings. There is a science behind this feeling which I read somewhere (if you do not find this consider that writer is me)  Even though some people do not believe in it.  True, deep love may not exist yet when you first meet someone, but you may create the memory of falling love later on in your relationship (think about it). This is my experience about this feeling and I can say that love at first sight can be real for certain people but staying in love is the deeper challenge.

How was she looking?

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.”

When you like a woman, what do you really like in her? It will be different with different people, and it will be different at different times. If love really grows, first you fall in love with the woman because she is beautiful. That is the first available beauty - her face, her eyes, her proportion, her elegance. When I saw her in Black Saree with golden flowers and pink colour border was just flawless. Forgive me saying this but she was dangerously beautiful because that’s the way I felt at that point of time. Seeing her smile brings me a heavenly peace that can not be described and her Red Lipstick and big pearls earrings making her the most beautiful soul on earth. When I paid more attention, I noticed her scrolled ears and her elegant nose. It was love at first light. Her luminous, heavenly-white teeth flashed as she posed for the selfie. Her hair was a glorious tumble of star beam-gold and her black eyes set my heart on fire. When she broke into a smile, her mesmerizing, oyster-white teeth lit up the room. It could jolt you like an electric current when that megawatt smile gave you her full attention, filed to perfection. It was her look that makes her appear wild and superior.

 

All women and men at that party looking towards her and as she was the point of attraction there. She might have approached by many Guys and may be girls too. I can not comment on that as even I was not there and all this I have felt just by watching a photograph of her on social media. That was the day everything got changed for me.

 

I think I am a man in love. In a world where constant heartbreaks are approaching everyone. We meet at a point where things are not great for anyone of us and I have never tried explaining. I do not want to manipulate a true soul with my selfish intentions as I wanted to feel blessed and privileged. I just wanted to be the person with whom she can share anything without being hesitated.

  

This quote is so so true. The worst day of loving someone is the day that you lose them. We gasp and ache for air that only comes in short insufficient bursts. 

When this happens, we always question ourselves about why that person came in our life. If he/she would never have entered our life, then we would have never suffered such pain on losing him/her. That person's entry in our life, sometimes, changes us wholly and we do not ever get to be the same again after losing them also. 

By - A Patient's attendant (Room No. 102)