I Hate My Mom: A Journey Through Love and Lingering Pain

There’s an old saying that the ones who shape us often leave us scarred. In my case, my complicated relationship with my mom stands as a testament to that paradox. At first glance, my feelings toward her might be painted in the stark colors of resentment. I say, “I hate my mom”—a cry born not of cruelty, but of heartbreak. A cry from someone who was shaped by love so intense it left him vulnerable, yet hardened.

She made me emotionally tough. Too tough. And then she left—too soon—leaving me to navigate a world I wasn’t fully prepared for.

She was the definition of unconditional love. Not just in words or gestures, but in presence, in patience, in the way she made space for all my flaws and struggles. I now realize how rare that is. I search for it in every relationship, every interaction, every flicker of affection—and I come up short. That has made me emotionally guarded, unresponsive even, because if it’s not like hers, it doesn’t feel real.

The Irony of Love

My mother’s love didn’t just raise me—it defined me. She saw every part of me, the parts I didn't show the world, and she still loved me, unconditionally. That kind of complete understanding shaped the way I experience love today.

Because of her, I’ve become someone who expects to be seen before allowing others to come close. And because of that, I’m often labeled as distant, aloof, or even hard to love. But it’s not arrogance. It’s grief in disguise. It’s emotional armor forged in the absence of the only person who knew how to truly reach me.

She was the definition of unconditional love—not in grand declarations, but in silent presence. In her patience. In the way she made space for my flaws, my fears, my failures. That love became the blueprint for every future relationship. And because no one has measured up to it, I now find myself emotionally guarded. I struggle to respond to feelings. I shut down. Because if it’s not her kind of love, it doesn’t feel real.

And sometimes, in moments of overwhelming frustration, I still find myself saying, “I hate my mom.” But I know what I really mean is: “I miss her so much it hurts.”

A World I Wasn’t Ready For

Since she left, I’ve felt like a stranger in this world. An adult, yes—but one who never stopped needing her. Her voice, her guidance, her emotional presence was my anchor. She stood by me when no one else did. She knew what I was feeling without me saying a word. She was my emotional support system, the one who made life feel survivable.

Without her, the world feels colder, harsher, heavier. I find myself alone even in crowded rooms. Surrounded, yet unsupported. Everything feels more complicated now, and the truth is, I’m still not ready to face this world without her.

The Void of Early Departure

What makes it worse is how early she left. I wasn’t done needing her, and I don’t think I ever will be. Losing her wasn’t just a personal loss—it was the collapse of my emotional foundation.

There are days I wonder what could’ve been. I wonder if I could’ve helped her, healed her, loved her more softly. I think about how stern she sometimes was, and now I believe that sternness was her own pain speaking through love. And I wish I’d seen that sooner.

Her early departure left behind a silence that echoes in every part of me. I face the world now with an ache—equal parts strength and sorrow. The love she gave me made me resilient. But the way she left, and the things left unsaid, left me vulnerable in ways I can’t always explain.

The hurt of her departure intensifies the conflict within me: the same force that made me strong also left me grappling with feelings I cannot fully understand or express.

A Heart Divided: Love and Regret Intertwined

On this Mother’s Day, I’m overwhelmed—not just with grief, but with the complicated beauty of love that continues, even after loss. My mother knew me better than anyone. Even her harshest lessons came from a place of protection. And now, I miss her in ways that words can’t capture.

God, I miss her in ways words can’t capture. There are conversations we never had. Apologies I never made. Moments I took for granted that now haunt me in silence. These unreconciled feelings live inside me like weight on my chest—heavy, constant, and deeply personal.

Her love was rare, real, and unwavering. It didn’t depend on what I did or didn’t do. And because of that, I now chase that same feeling in others—and never quite find it. In its absence, I’ve grown distant. I don’t know how to open up anymore. If it’s not like her love, I don’t trust it. And that makes me retreat. That makes me shut down.

A Mother's Day Reflection

Today, while the world celebrates with flowers, breakfast trays, and heartfelt cards, I sit with a storm of emotions. I still struggle with that lingering feeling—“I hate my mom.” But I know now it’s only part of the story. It’s the scar tissue over a deep, enduring love.

This Mother’s Day, I choose to honor her not by silencing my complex feelings, but by accepting them. I’m learning that healing doesn’t come from denying pain—it comes from holding space for it. Her love, her strength, her early absence—they are all threads in the fabric of who I am.

I whisper a quiet thanks for the love she gave. I mourn the gentleness I still crave. I honor the woman who gave me everything, even when she didn’t know how to say it out loud.

She may be gone, but her love is still here—etched into who I am, tangled into everything I do. And even in the silence she left behind, I still hear her love echoing.

Lets Meet a Virgo – A Zodiac Sign

 I decided to stop writing and tried to archive this blog as my personal diary because things are happening in life on a random basis. Before I could do so as I have a curious mind and am a overthinker I thought of writing something about a very special Zodiac sign with whom vibes are on a different level. There are few people who are in my life and share the same Zodiac sign “VIRGO”. Virgos are the balance between two extremes they are loyal and romantic and the same time they can be critical and aloof. If you want to have a good connection with Virgo you must know how to work with a Virgo’s quirks, either they are positive or negative. The most important thing is to be patient and understanding. My Mom and few of my friends are Virgos so I might know what I am talking about.

You might have seen those detective stories where Karamchand is taking his time and going through his thoughts to connect the dots and dissect every tiny detail which he has captured. Using his supernatural deduction, the guy identifies the solution in clear flash. I might not know the Zodiac sign of Karamchand but I am sure he would be Virgo. As this is Virgo’s ultimate super power. They are born with a giant magnifying glass via which they experience the world. They notice almost everything starting from dust on the floor to how you smile when you are in love. They are willing to help make your reality better with their magnified understanding. I think I have set the context then let grab the popcorn so we can decode a Virgo.

A Virgo is the most grounded sign of the Zodiac and they are very flexible, non-obsessive and easy going by nature. Virgos are hard core professionals and if I say they worship their work then I am not over amplifying. They experience series of job changes and after spending time in exploring areas in initial stage of their career they get to their right path and stick to it rebelliously. It may take a while for their partners or family members to come to terms with this however, like the Libra, the Virgos too balance well between their professional and personal lives.

An empathetic soul: A Virgo is always there for the people in need, it does not matter whether they are known to them. On other hand they can be a bit analytical and critical about the people, this trait comes naturally to them. However, if you combine criticism and modesty then people take criticism also with open hand. My favourite trait in Virgo is their great sense of humour and their ability to work under pressure. It comes naturally to them. Count your blessings if you have a Virgo as a life partner this line is dedicated to my Pappa if he decided to read this post.

A variable Sign: It means they are open minded mates, eager to understand your opinion on any latest movie or can plan an impromptu trip. They are open to change within themselves that’s how they roll. For example, I know someone if he/she can go to a religious place to live for 3 months he/she will come with new wardrobe and with religious views along with some new habits. They tend to surprise even best of us.

They are guided by philanthropy and can envision a better world where they try to convert that vision into reality. Don’t get confused it is different from daydreaming and never stop them from doing this else you would become their number one enemy. They might feel insensitive, but they truly want the best for others.

Worst Traits: I don’t know how this section would be perceived when it will reach out to the Virgos I know but I will try to keep this as blunt as Virgos are. Most of the time they feel disappointed just because they can not fix everything around them. They wont accept that the universe is fundamentally flawed. Once they are disappointed, they keep these thoughts to themselves as they are chasing the impossible standards and sometime, they suffer from imposter syndrome (Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence). They could try to maintain order, but they must learn that life is messy and that’s why it is interesting.

A secret which I know about Virgo: As we have established that Virgo has high standards, and they are high maintenance, but I know for the fact that they crave simplicity and have a deep connection to nature. They can be happy on coffee date around the corner coffee shop, but you must be ready to listen the critics if the coffee is not good. You can catch them reading books, doing their own medicine making from herbs, having green tea while enjoying the nature. You can also see them analyzing each and everything under the Sun. Virgo operates from a place where inward thinking is the highest skill which means they just recognize the danger of speaking too soon or without being sure. I am not implying that they are unwilling to express their thoughts. There is a difference.

Even after reading and analyzing all these traits, you are interested in dating a Virgo… its an interesting decision. This thought could come because of two reasons either you have your life sorted already or you are open to getting you life together because this journey may be tiring but would be very interesting. Dating a Virgo is not a joke, and it is tough than dating a Libra.

Virgo is critical perfectionist who will call you out on your harmful behavior and help you find solutions to reconcile (this has become my favorite word since I moved to Bangalore) with your demons and in order to do so they can give you silent treatments. Remember, they have the best of intentions for those they love, and they will always communicate with you when they feel the time is right. I might need validation on these thoughts because these are based on my observations and the knowledge which I acquired 7 years ago when I met a Virgo first apart from my Mom.

So even after all this you want to go ahead and ask her out then you must know the following:

Straight forward and No nonsense attitude: They are very straight forward and have zero tolerance to unnecessary flashiness. When it comes to relationship, they hate mind games and withholding emotions. Instead of them making assumptions for you they prefer having you to be straight with them. I personally feel this is the most difficult part for me to go through as it is not a great trait (Being a Cancerian) I have. While pursuing Virgo, you must know that communication is the key. You must ensure that they know about your feelings else they might consider the whole process as a waste of time. They will think just as hard about your relationship as they do the meaning of life, so be willing to share what you think, too.

More thoughtful even from your thoughts: They have a mammoth memory and all the thinking Virgos do means that they know how to make people feel special. They wont need you to be that thoughtful in return as they often like being the most thoughtful person in the room. If you ever able to surprise your Virgo with something just as thoughtful now and then then your bond would be stronger than ever.

They look for someone who is driven, intelligent and mature and the only way to Virgo’s heart is to earn their respect. She would really want to know what you are thinking about, even if it's something as small as what kind of food you want for dinner or what movie you should watch next.

Loyal to a fault but not to be taken for granted: Virgos are loyal and committed to the things they believe in. They are also very organized, practical, and logical. A Virgo is someone who will always stay true to their word and follow through on their commitments. They work hard to make sure that they have a plan ahead of time so that they can be prepared for any eventuality. Virgos will do whatever it takes to get the job done and do it well - even if it means doing more than what is expected of them. So if you ever try to do a smart act then they will promptly hand you a one way ticket out of their lives. They don’t believe in bad investments either in relationships or otherwise.

No one should cheat at all, but you shouldn't cheat on a Virgo especially. Not only will these masters of intuition undoubtedly find out, but you will be breaking the trust of some of the most trusting people in the world. Trust and loyalty like theirs is hard to come by. They will always try their hardest to see the good in their friends and partners.

Kissed Many Frogs: As they have being on top of the game called life. It is most likely that your Virgo has loved many Mr./Ms. Wrong. It would be incorrect to say that they didn’t see the flaws in their partner, but they were willing to fix the flaws and tried to help their partners in their early encounters. In my personal opinion this is a blessing and a curse of being a Virgo as their compassion is taken for granted.

You have to be thankful to your Virgo for what they are doing for you and you must return the same dedication to them. Just try not to be another Frog.

Maa… Bahu Mil Gyi : Virgos are very family oriented and they will be a perfect partner whom you can introduce to your family. They will treat your family like their own and jump to help them whenever they need. Virgos prefer quieter ambiences to loud crowded places which makes family outings much more appealing to them than a wild night out with friends. So you have your family outing planner in your Virgo.

Your parents will love that your Virgo is hardworking with defined goals and these are kinds of people you bring home to your Mom because they are there for you for the long haul. Once you prove yourself to a Virgo they wont let you go easily.

Don’t Force them into things they don’t want to do (read Patience): Introvert by nature they might love you very much but they need their alone time. If the Virgo doesn’t want to go out then try suggesting staying home, eating dinner and Netflix.  Sometimes, a Virgo will need to be completely alone. Do not get upset if a Virgo does not wish to spend time with you. Use this as an opportunity to run tasks or catch up with your friends and family.

When in a relationship, you have to be patient. Be affectionate but don’t over do it like a 18 years old kid doing cute things (Calendar booking) too soon or you might just scare them away. Despite the random socializing, there’s a bit of a loner in every Virgo. They are fiercely independent and plunder some alone time every now and then. When in a relationship, as a partner, it’s imperative for you to understand that Virgos need to maintain an equal balance between their time with you, their family, their friends and their time alone.

At the same time, make sure to not be too clingy or needy because that'll only push them further away. Just be patient and give your Virgo the freedom to do their own thing. I promise they’ll appreciate it!

Ready for Harsh Critics: As you all know by now that Virgos are perfectionist and have an eagle eye when it comes to spot the errors. They notice every little details and sometimes it makes you feel that they are trying to be a know it all. It will become a horror story when you know that they are very vocal about pointing out those mistakes to you (they cant keep this with them as they want to improve you). Virgos are also the most self-critical of the zodiac. They take great pride in their diverse knowledge of things and tend to be very hard on themselves if they fail at a task.

When in a relationship, it can be a bit of a challenge to put up with their ridiculously high standards. As a partner, this is where you need to go the extra mile to support your Virgo when they’re being self-critical and remind them that they're only human too!

Well Informed and intense debaters: Virgos are highly intelligent and knowledgeable that’s the reason they admire this quality in their partner as well. One piece of advice that you must not challenge or question a Virgo unless necessary because they can suddenly become quite angry. Even in relationship, as they have already thought through and in case of debate or an argument they are rarely on the losing side. Generally, they don’t make a case unless they are sure so if this situation comes and you are up against them then you must have your facts right because your Virgo would be ready with all guns and cannons.

When on a date, remember that your goal is to know each other so your questions should be around those thoughts where you could get to know what matters to her. You must pay attention and keep eye contact and when a Virgo speaks up its after careful thought and observations. For example if I need someone to proof read my book then I would go to a Virgo women who would be in my corner rooting for my success and willing to go above and beyond.

In my personal opinion, she is a dreamer and a woman on mission who knows what needs to be done. That’s the only reason I want to be close to a Virgo so I can begin to recognize her. I believe if I would have a privilege of ever seeing her, I will definitely find someone who is nothing short of magical. She would be my source of inspiration who would be ready to listen to my dreams and my bucket list. I know good things come with time and apart from being persistent I cant do much about this Zodiac sign. I want to ask her about her day and want to see how much hard work is being invested for the future she has imagined where things would be perfect.

She’s basically perfect. Maybe *too* perfect

At last I would say, you must cherish your Virgo partner and they’ll cherish you right back. They rarely believe in second chances so don't ever give them a reason to mistrust you.

Sources: Internet and Personal Experience!

Maa, Me and Cancer - A Phase of Life

I have stated enough and most of the people around me know that My Mom is my support function and I am yet to imagine a life without her. I would say I am not prepared for the day when she would not be around and thinking of that frightened me and sometimes reasons of my sleepless night. I am still processing the news which I got 10 months ago when we have discovered that she has this disease named “Cancer”. I have never thought that I would have the first-hand experience of this life-threatening disease. This disease required rigorous treatment and if someone has been diagnosed with this then apart from the that person their family and friends will experience waves of emotions which can’t be explained. The diagnosis of cancer is a family experience that changes the lives of all its members, bringing an immense amount of stress and many challenging situations. The daily routine, common activities, and distribution of duties all must change.

I am known to be a less emotional person and somehow I have never tried to break the myth about it as it has helped me to not indulge in social activities. I have never thought in my life that a disease can change so much around me. It felt like my whole support system got infected and I could not able to breath because I am yet to figure out a life for me where I wont have my mother around. I can say it with 100% confidence that Cancer is a family experience, and often family members have as many problems coping with it as it does the diagnosed patient. The family goes through different stages of adjusting to the disease. The emotional reactions which include anger, bitterness, guilt and adjustment pain, and may or may not lead to the acceptance of the disease. Mom was also struggling with acceptance of the disease initially and we have seen multiple instances where we were in denial and shock and asking each other "This can't be true." Why this has to happen with us. Specially for me it was more like Anger and Rage as I already have my personal Life issues where I was seeking support from her and kept questioning to God as “This isn’t fair” and “Why me?” I am yet to get an answer but soon will find and will write about that too.

If I have to create a timeline of emotions for my Mom it would be like below (people say I like writing in points):

Anger and rage - "Why wasn't I protected from this?"

Stress and depression - "Why should I get treatment? I'll die anyway."

Grief and fear - "I will never feel safe again." “My Kids are suffering because of me”

We had so many late-night discussions and we had become “Cancer specialist” by searching day and night about the steps involved and about the treatments and Doctors.  Finally, we got the Doctor who suppose to treat and operate on Mom’s disease. People who got to know about her were telling that feeling strong and positive will help in healing process but the mood swings of Mom’s and me (I am known for my mood swings) was on different level. My emotions were hidden under the thick layer of Sarcasm and self-proclaimed astrologist who was telling everyone that everything would be fine. Before this post none would believe me that I was shit scared.

I always knew in my life that dealing with emotions would not be easy for me and I have stopped being vulnerable even in front of people who cares. When Mom diagnosed with Cancer, it was very difficult to identify and honor the feelings and there is no book in the world which can tell you the way to feel about something. Yet, working through your emotions can help lower stress. This can lead to improved mental and physical health.

I am no expert, but I can surly say people will tell you to be strong and have patience and faith but it is easier said than done. I have a very screwed up personal life (Discussion for some other day) and apart from MAA I had nothing to hold when I am down or when nothing is working out in life and suddenly your support function needs a deadly support, it is very difficult to cope up in this situation. When you are mentally not organised, you end up ruining all your personal connections and people.  People around you wont understand the situation you are going through and even you wont be able to explain because it seems very simple in other person’s head (as his Mom has cancer and treatment is going on and she would recover soon and this is a phase which will pass) but it’s difficult to explain as what’s happening to you mentally. I have never been known to share my feelings even if my life is on stake (not something I am proud of).

As I keep making points and try to find answers in bullet points. Here are my five pointers as how We (Mom and Family along with me) are going through this journey:

Accept your feelings: Be kind to yourself and avoid judging yourself for your emotions. Try to pay attention to what you’re feeling and spend time with people who are positive and uplifting. Many emotional challenges will lessen or go away as you move through cancer treatment. Your sense of hope and confidence can increase with time. At First going for operation was tough and due to 3^rd stage it was kind of difficult for everyone to keep hope but we did not have an option. First time we got to know or visit the doc was on my Birthday when I took Mom for doc visit and within 5 days my brother has consulted more than 10 doctors about this situation.

I might have irritated him much by asking stupid questions and he has also given some uncomfortable replies at that time as he was also going through the same emotional process and has different way of dealing with it. Once you accept your feelings and go through the pain of worst possibility then you can see the light and can hold the hand of Hope. Hope would work for you when you are mentally prepared for worst but in your heart you keep hope alive and each heartbeats says “Everything going to be alright”. In my best of Judgement (I have poor judgements too with no regrets) accepting your feelings and thoughts (negative or positive) in these kind of situation works.

How to deal with emotions: It's natural to feel loss after receiving a cancer diagnosis. At first, the thought of living with cancer and treatment can be overwhelming and my Mom was no exception. She could have gone to the verge of giving up Hope too, but we were there for the support. We kept her engage in this journey by making jokes on the disease or by telling her that we all are there in this. Having support system is an important part of dealing with emotions. Dealing with your emotions along with family members is like having cocktail when you do not like to mix your drink. It hits you hard and in some scenarios you blame yourself of the things which were beyond your control.

If feelings of sadness and depression grow stronger with time, for me I have a different type of coping mechanism. Either I find some anchor who can let me flow with my emotions and work as a support system. This has really worked for me all the time and last time it worked like a charm but this time the anchor was gone and I was vulnerable to emotions. Took a leap of faith and find a way to process my thoughts and emotions but having mood swings like mine it didn’t work out even if I tried not to ruin it but eventually, I am a champion in it. When I get no way out I started doing random things like travelling even if it is not required and taking help of some medicines too. I stopped writing since then because I didn’t find peace in that too (I am not a good writer though and it wont change a thing in the world).

My advice these emotional issues can be damaging so open up with people (might be sound like preaching but this is the best way to go about it) and you have to find right kind of people. :P

Deal with people reactions: For Mom dealing with the emotions and beliefs of other people about cancer may also be challenging. For example, those closest to her might worry about losing her. She was concerned about the changes in her life might affect us. In her own words “Everyone is around me and not going for work (WFH was blessing in disguise) and kind of money is getting spend makes me feel sad as I could not do much about it”. I can understand that It can be hard to deal with the fears of others while you are facing your own.

Sometimes people are not sure what to say when they learn you have cancer patient as your Mom. Even as they try to offer support, some might say or do things that hurt your feelings or offend you. Some people are uncomfortable thinking about the possibility of cancer in their own lives. Because of their own fears, they may not know the best way to help you with your illness.

Then comes second type of People who can also pass on incorrect information, false beliefs and myths about cancer. For example, although we don’t yet know what causes most types of cancers, people might try to tell you a reason for your cancer. They might give their opinion about the best cure for cancer. It becomes critical when their ideas and beliefs are different from yours. Whenever I see that happening I just speak up and let them know that doctors are doing their job and we (me and that person) are not qualified enough to pass judgement. I can surly say that people don’t like me.

Fear of recurrence: Even if Doctors and reports are positive and there are no signs but the thought of recurrence is always there with her. She might worry that every ache or pain is a sign of her cancer recurring. Eventually these fears will fade, though they may never go away completely. I keep on telling her that you should be honest about your feeling or any issue which you feel and try not to take guilt about your feeling or ignore them in hopes that they will go away.

In my opinion to fight this syndrome you have to take the control of the fear and see what you can do t influence your health. Try to do the following atleast:

• Go to all your follow up appointments: You may fear the worst when it's time for your next follow-up appointment. Don't let that stop you from going.
• Get all of your follow-up tests. Discuss with your doctor plans for follow-up and monitoring of your cancer. Together, you will formulate a specific follow-up plan based on your specific situation.
• Eat healthy and eat regularly
• Keep busy. Get out of the house and find activities that will take your mind off your fears.

Stress, Depression, Anxiety and Loneliness post treatment: All these are any which ways not good for health and when you are recovering from Cancer these could create issues too. All these are phycological and I will give you my Mom’s example, When she was diagnosed with Cancer and our entire focus was on treatment and timely medicine to make her healthy. She has followed all the instructions and now when she is nearing to complete the treatment (Radio therapy is running), all projects and her work around the house giving her stress because she wanted to complete everything in one go so she can catchup to the pace. When she is not able to do then Lingering feelings of sadness and anger can interfere with her daily life. For many people these feelings will dissipate. But for others, these feelings can develop into depression and anxiety. So we keep on having discussions and plans in order to give her small targets to reach so we both can be happy.

She feels some time as others cant understand that what she has been through, which makes it hard to relate to other people and can lead to loneliness. If she kept on feeling that way then we become unsure as how to help her as no one wants to upset her. We keep on interacting on the issues and medicine and other not much important stuff (about my future and life) with her which keep her busy.

I can keep on going as this phase has taught me a lot and make me a better human being. I got the clarity of mind and my overthinking skill has prepared me for better to worst scenarios. Most of you might find this post boring but this is my way to keep journal and record my emotional encounters. I hope next time I would come up with some interesting topic (suggestions can work).

Fallen in Love with a Girl wearing Black Saree - A confession

This is the story of how I fell in love with you. It begins, unlike most stories, not when you first said hello to me and decided that you will talk to me, but months after we had become friends and when I got to know about you very closely. As I claim that I consume knowledge and observe people basis behavior and intent then how can I not be fallen for you. I hadn’t meant to fall in love with you. You were the last person on earth that I could ever see myself missing or feeling attached to the core especially given how much I would joke around with you about the things are going in each one of our life. I was going through a rough patch in my life where I was almost lost in dark who was having work as a distraction and just surviving basis some liquids and smokes. I have never thought that I will be in a condition to write this post for you as I always believed that you were out of my league and this won't work. I even cant be an option for you for obvious reasons but as they say Love is Magic and beyond logic. 

Why this post?

If I already have thought about all the circumstances and multiple outcomes of our story where I have convinced myself that it is not the best option for you then why I am writing this post as confession. In recent days I felt vert threatened by the thought that I might loose someone I love the most. I promised that if all went well, then I will put forward a truth which noone knows till date (They might have an idea as I might have given hints) and that can affect me deeply. Now things are going back to normal so I made and amendment in that promise that I will tell this truth via this post as this truth might not be worthy of someone's time.

Why it is Love at First Sight ?

It is because I have never thought about our equation earlier than this day. The day I saw her in Drape in Black Saree and attending the January wedding, I just lost it and for atleast 25 mins (Random Number to attract audience) the only thought was running like a sticker on my mind "Is that you or I am in my dreams?" along with a followup thought "Now I am creating a new Mess". I did all sort of escapism to run away from that feeling and multiple time validated also but it remained the same till now. 

If you only love the way they love, walk, or talk, there are fewer chances that the relationship will be a success. So, make sure you are sure about your feelings before making the first move.I also read lot of books to divert my mind and tried to undo things but you can not just wiped the feelings. There is a science behind this feeling which I read somewhere (if you do not find this consider that writer is me)  Even though some people do not believe in it.  True, deep love may not exist yet when you first meet someone, but you may create the memory of falling love later on in your relationship (think about it). This is my experience about this feeling and I can say that love at first sight can be real for certain people but staying in love is the deeper challenge.

How was she looking?

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.”

When you like a woman, what do you really like in her? It will be different with different people, and it will be different at different times. If love really grows, first you fall in love with the woman because she is beautiful. That is the first available beauty - her face, her eyes, her proportion, her elegance. When I saw her in Black Saree with golden flowers and pink colour border was just flawless. Forgive me saying this but she was dangerously beautiful because that’s the way I felt at that point of time. Seeing her smile brings me a heavenly peace that can not be described and her Red Lipstick and big pearls earrings making her the most beautiful soul on earth. When I paid more attention, I noticed her scrolled ears and her elegant nose. It was love at first light. Her luminous, heavenly-white teeth flashed as she posed for the selfie. Her hair was a glorious tumble of star beam-gold and her black eyes set my heart on fire. When she broke into a smile, her mesmerizing, oyster-white teeth lit up the room. It could jolt you like an electric current when that megawatt smile gave you her full attention, filed to perfection. It was her look that makes her appear wild and superior.

 

All women and men at that party looking towards her and as she was the point of attraction there. She might have approached by many Guys and may be girls too. I can not comment on that as even I was not there and all this I have felt just by watching a photograph of her on social media. That was the day everything got changed for me.

 

I think I am a man in love. In a world where constant heartbreaks are approaching everyone. We meet at a point where things are not great for anyone of us and I have never tried explaining. I do not want to manipulate a true soul with my selfish intentions as I wanted to feel blessed and privileged. I just wanted to be the person with whom she can share anything without being hesitated.

  

This quote is so so true. The worst day of loving someone is the day that you lose them. We gasp and ache for air that only comes in short insufficient bursts. 

When this happens, we always question ourselves about why that person came in our life. If he/she would never have entered our life, then we would have never suffered such pain on losing him/her. That person's entry in our life, sometimes, changes us wholly and we do not ever get to be the same again after losing them also. 

By - A Patient's attendant (Room No. 102)