Is it a Right Relationship?

We often will meet people with suggestions about any relationships and they will keep telling you about red flags (in Risk Management we have red flags) of any relationship. These comments and suggestions keep us on the toes without letting us know and we close ourselves from some promising experiences. We always judge people and look for behaviors to know that the person is not right for us. I have seen multiple times that we force ourselves out from a relationship just because we think that we are not good enough for any relationship. 

Knowing me you can say, its easier said than done but trust me basis my experience and learning, I can provide you a platform you think positively in a relationship (Even if I am not able to do that sometimes).

Ask yourself “Am I in a good relationship?” or “Is this relationship is good for me?”

Our relationships are not only influenced by our current actions but also by our past relationships and the life experiences that we bring forward into the current relationship. How we deal with confusions and misunderstandings defines the strength and wellbeing of our relationship and the level of happiness we are able to experience.

Much of the subconscious encoding that takes place throughout our life causes us to sabotage our happiness by preventing us from engaging effectively, especially when we become emotionally triggered. These unconscious “scripts” make you run in autopilot where your thoughts and words remain the same as your previous experience. Sometimes people call them as “baggage”. We should rewrite those scripts and must not allow then to contaminate the current relationship.

In my personal experience, I have been influenced with negative thoughts for a longest time where I was confused about my relationship earlier. Once that got the clarity then again some other issues pop up which are not allowing me to move and they want me to stand still. I am complying on those things and distancing myself from people so they could not get affected cause of me. This decision I have taken from my past experience and I do not know if that is right or wrong unless someone prove that to me. 

In same way instead of looking for every little thing that might be wrong with the person you’re with, look for whether they are fulfilling some of the affirmative needs you have. You must focus on the positives then the negatives. How can you evaluate if your relationship is a good one, here are positive traits you should look for:

You feel like you can be yourself

This is the most important point to see for compatibility. You can be yourself means; you should not feel that you are constantly putting on a mask to impress your partner all the time. If you must put a lot of efforts to be that person who you are not, there is no way to build an honest relationship. Its natural to be little guarded in the early days of relationship but you should reach out to that phase where you can feel totally comfortable. You should not think twice before cracking your lame jokes or discussing the topics which make you uncomfortable. Around with your partner you should feel complete.

You can define boundaries

In childhood we learnt that honesty is the best policy. In your relationship that means what you need and what you want from that relationship. It’s a theme of any relationship that works. I know sometimes it will be hard and other person may get hurt, but doing that in the relationship is the only way to ensure sustainability.

If you genuinely feel comfortable telling your partner when you want to be alone or when you need your space with your other priority tasks, then trust me it is a great sign in your relationship and this also means your partner respect those communication from you.

You share good laugh

This does not mean you have to be a comedian, but it means having good sense of humor. Someone has told me once that without sense of humor life can run but with Sarcasm its not possible. I have handled that line with a joke. 

It means when you are with each other you have your jokes and incidents where you both share a good laugh. I am sure all the time you cant be romantic or serious. Take my advice, laughing will strengthen your bond.

Emotional Empowerment not support

It’s a great sign of good relationship when partners are focused on what they want to create and how they want to feel. Most of the time its too easy to blame your partner when you are not feeling good about ourselves or sometime life seems to throw some tough challenges continually. 

As they say and I totally aligned my self with the thought, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” That is the reason most of the time I keep things with me when I don’t know how other person gonna react or if they will get the intent behind my message. So by trying to override your emotions and referring to past situations, you may blow a current situation entirely out of context. If you do that frequently, it makes you feel disconnect. I have felt this multiple times.

Your past relationship scripts comes in picture where you start thinking what you do not want in your relationship. Many couples start competing against each other when they emotionally triggered instead of supporting to create best outcome. We can quickly become obsessed with being right but it is essential to stay present.

Serious Talks

If you are shying away from the stuff which are tough to talk about with your partner then you are not ready for the relationship sustainability or you are afraid of being judged. It should not be the case as when you need some serious or rocky stuff to talk you need someone who can make these conversations smooth sailing. I have been that person 5 times in my life when I played a third person who talks about tough reality of life with my couple friends. One day drink expenses you are sorted to get the services. 

An honest relationship isn’t afraid to touch on subjects that make you uncomfortable. Try to be attentive and see how you both are able to engage with more serious questions together. Like what is our future in next 5 Years? (Joking, even I can not answer this, I am bad at planning, hence need someone who can do the favor as I am good at following instructions) Choose your questions wisely and even if it gets rocky, a strong relationship will work through it and make it productive.

Be Vulnerable

We all want to look tough and strong in a relationship but remember point no. 1 which says being you around your partner. It means you can also have your scars or bad past or your feelings of insecurity (I always feel insecure when I give space to any person, Don’t have SRK confidence) which you experience, it is very tough to talk about all those things. It breaks the image of yourself which you have created as “Mard ko Dard Nahi Hota” but “hota hai” when a person know where to hit.

When you find someone that can help you work through those feelings without judgment, it’s really special and you can talk about anything. Your partner would accept you as a whole where you have your short comings and strong points both.

You don’t need each other

By the heading, you already have decided this is the stupid point but trust me this judgement is passed by your insecurities not your emotions and soul. As they say “No sustainable relationship is built on necessity.”

We should be loving people we want to be with forever without guilt, not people who are convenient. Sometimes the path might look shaky and not clear but the faith between relationship turn that road to a life time experience (At least you would have a story to tell your grand children)

If your partner is self sufficient then it is ensured in a relationship that both are equal and no one is caretaker. We all like feeling needed, but a relationship that lets us feel free is more important in the long run. Let them feel free, your bonding and trust wont let that person to go anywhere.

They are your cheerleader

This point came in the mind at the time of watching cricket match, Role of cheerleader is to celebrate and encourage the team member when that person is performing well. In same manner you want someone in your life who is interested in what you are passionate about and will be your biggest cheerleader in reaching your goal.

Remember this, when you’re more excited to share your successes with your partner than anyone else, that’s an environment where love can bloom.

Not every relationship is perfect, but you can still find happiness and love. I am a flag bearer of Failed relationships and trust me its not a one sided game where knowing all the points will help you. A successful relationship wants two people who are equal and are ready to invest trust, support and time with each other (not saying love) to create a environment where love can bloom. 

If you find someone that meets the most essential criteria, you can start your work from there and remember me when you need to have some tough conversation and you need a person to mediate. Every relationship is going to have pain points and weaknesses. It’s not easy to make two characters work seamlessly together, but that’s not what relationships are about.

You will know when you will be in strong and healthy relationship because you would feel happy within yourself and in your circle and you would not be spending your time in overthinking. It feels great guaranteeing that you are emotionally aligned with yourself and aware of your partner’s needs will go a long way to promise the health and permanency of your relationship.

Traits You will Get in a Libra - Zodiac Sign

As they say, empty mind is devil’s workshop and when a over thinker moves towards self quarantine then it will become a deadly weapon. In this post I will write my experience with two of my most favorite people in my life and cause of them I have interest in astrology and palmistry. Both have mood swings like no other and I am still trying to know both of them like a school going kid. Fortunately both of them share the same Zodiac sign which makes this post must to write. Before I move further I would like to call this post as my first paper for the PHD, I am doing on someone.

As a cardinal air sign, a Libra’s personality is very much about relating to others. They are often considered the nicest, most charming people in the world and they are the favorite of almost everyone they meet. They have a tendency to be magnets for people, drawing many people to them. They are attractive; this has already been deeply established in the Zodiac. They often want things to go smoothly, they can stir up a lot of controversy with their attitude and their behavior at times (I guess both of them would not agree).

One most important point that Libras cannot be rushed and they demand space whenever they feel pressured or crowded.  They are, however, not opposed to putting pressure on others, and often think that it will add to their characters. Libras tend to very outspoken and their views at times can rub a lot of people the wrong day.

Have you ever wondered what is it that makes Libra tick?

Those of us that a born under the Libra zodiac sign are often known for having logical minds and fair judgment but there’s also a lot more to the Libra sign that many people have no idea about.

If you see them closely then you will understand that they are really special and very few people have strong traits like them. Please find the few of them below:

They are very charming, charismatic and romantic souls

These people are charismatic. This Quality gives them the ability to win everyone’s heart with their charming attitude. They are always in front when it comes to popularity and everyone wants to be their friend. So you need to think twice before you contradict them trust me most of the time I just surrender to avoid the conflict. They have long lasting impression on others as they are blessed with inner beauty and outer charm and you can just envy their personality (I do at times).

If they love someone or something, they will go to the ends of the earth to show their love and trust e they can win anyone over with their sweet talk. It is advisable not to play with their emotions because it is real. With their ability and personality to sweet talk, it is hard not to fall for them, but once you do, there is no way you regret it.

They are honest, Calm, emotionally intelligent 

As I told I have a lot to talk about this sign so combining all the traits which are self explainable, Libra will surely stand for “Honesty is the Best Policy”, they are very honest and they stick to the truth and they won’t be badmouthing you behind your back. Since they are honest with you they expect the same courtesy in return (This expectation everyone has but few of them get that). They are not among those who escape from the situation after committing some wrong doing.

They are known for their calmness and they never lose their temper (I know one of them never loses). If they do, you (This should be me) have done something which exceeds their limits. Their relaxed attitude allows them to have more friends than enemies.

They have a firm hold on their emotions. They do not go around pouring out their anger or worries on other people (Sometime I want them to do). They are aware of their surroundings and will try their best not to make a scene. One of the best qualities which I like about them is their empathetic nature – they will not judge you! You can trust them with your secrets and you can cry with them (One of them is pro at this)

Creative Minds and love challenges

Having creative mind helps them a lot especially in the real work setting in the industry they are into. These people happens to be one of the biggest daydreamers you will ever meet (I know both of them will not agree and might kill me for this) and at times they refuse to face the reality. They have deep thinking that is the reason their extreme imaginations get difficult to execute. My advice would be that they must learn to avoid prolonged decision and be quick thinker in life. 

Let me quote a scene from “Titanic” where the Hero asked the heroin “Where to Miss?” the Heroin who must be Libran replied, “To the stars”. This is the limit of Libra’s imagination.

These people are naturally competitive in nature. Challenges in life are the most common part in their life, they like to accept challenge and challenge others too. Trust me they can do anything to win the race. This is my personal experience that this quality (To win the race) in even the smallest tasks of their everyday lives, the way these people takes every single competition as the question of life and death. If you are in their team, you have to keep up the pace and seek help from God to match the pace.

Very Optimistic and Problem solver (Life Hacks)

When it comes to achieving their dreams and goal, failure can not stop them. They do not get settled before attaining perfection. Their positive thinking and God loving nature allows them to try till they succeed, they never give up. Trust me their positivity is contagious too.

Believe me or not, Libra’s have answers to everything. You have a problem they will come up a solution which will suits to everybody. If you ever have a problem, do not hesitate to ask. For all we know, they probably have the answers to Corona problems too (This is not sarcasm, If they think they will have) not vaccine of course. I will look forward to know the Zodiac sign of the scientist who would discover vaccine for Corona.

If you are depressed or are going through a difficult situation always ask a Libra for advice.

Easily Get Frustrated

They get frustrated when they have to deal with a negative person who do nothing but criticize them and poke holes in every single idea that they have (Personal experience, you have to deal with wrath of Titans). They would like to hand out with people who have “can do” approach to life and will keep social distance to the people who constantly try to bring them down. As they are very careful with their moves this is the reason why they get offended by other people’s rough behaviors. So my advice when you are with these people, make sure you watch your behavior (I am forced to write this else they are very sweet people: P)

Decision making might be an issue?

Most of the Libra’s are extremely annoying because of their nature of giving too personal remarks, without even knowing that they already hurt someone. I would consider this as a negative trait in this sign. Making their own great decision can be very difficult for these people and it is even harder to learn in their mistake. However, they can always win the situation by utilizing their rational mind and accurate intuitions.

They can hurt people most often but get the score settled easily

If I have to write this I would say these individual don’t have control over their anger, you can call them short tempered. They hurt others most often but as they are the nicest people in Zodiac, this is the reason they recover their quarrels easily. I am told and would like to believe that They can get very high in anger but never keep anything in the heart.

I think this post can become the longest I have ever written so bringing this to an end.These people are strongly motivated, optimistic and competitive and their traits are unique from others. Surely not all Libra’s possess all these traits but you will definitely find this quality in the depth of their personality. They like to deal with the situation as they come.

No wonder they are always positive! Don't you think they're just great?

A Letter to Maa - Love of Life

Everyone has his favorite superhero or idol, when I was younger, I was infatuated with Super Commando Dhruv (comic Hero). I wished I could be as cool as him in toughest situation and without superpowers I can solve many problems.

Its taken me 18 years to realize that Dhruv is still the coolest superhero but I had a more important superhero in front of my throughout my life: My Mother.

It’s an amazing and humbling feeling when you are able to take a step back and just examine your life in its entirely. You realize how hardships, the high and lows, happiness and sorrow and everyone around you has made you the person you are today.

As I always say people come in your life with stronger motives and plans to teach you and made you a better person. Some will taught you how to become a stronger person or someone might thought you the traits which you must avoid in a person. Everyone in your life is there for a reason which will unfold the mystery of life.

I feel that the people even at my age (I am not very Old) are afraid to show their true emotions and thoughts to anyone cause they are afraid of being mocked and they think they might be considered as weak by their friends and peers.

I think if someone truly means something to you then you should tell her or him as often as you can. The intent of this letter is to let you, MOM, know how much you mean to me and to also hopefully inspire other sons and daughters to take a second and hold those moments and emotions.

Trust me being the most practical sons of yours, I wish I could keep you with me forever even if I know that’s impossible, until then I will make sure you understand how fortunate I am to have you as my Mom. I wish I could share even a small percentage of the unconditional love you have given to me with those people who grew up without that love cause I believe everyone deserves a mother’s love.

You are my number one Fan. Having you day in day out to support you and listen to you is one of life’s most powerful gifts. I do not know which superpower gives you the visibility to find the something which is being misplaced by me and you somehow know the exact location of it in the house.

There have been times when I questioned your actions, but only now do I understand that everything you did to me and for me was out of love. You said yes as often as possible, but weren't afraid to tell me no. You let me be expressive and creative without questioning it.

You showed me how to treat others with kindness, compassion and love. It's you who I believe has made me into a man, capable of expressing myself and my emotions, unafraid of being vulnerable, comfortable in my own skin and able to fully love and respect women.

The best thing about having you as my mom is that I'm still learning from you every single day. I know I haven't been the best son in the world. I've upset you; I've given you headaches. It's unfortunately part of the many phases every son and daughter growing into an adult has.

You have always been there in my achievements and accepting my failures. You never let me give up my dreams, no matter what obstacles were in my way of life. You have firm faith on me even when there were times, I didn’t believe in myself.

Don't ever doubt that you didn't do enough for me or have a single ounce of regret. You are more than I could have asked for in a mother. You are (and always will be) the caped caregiver and superhero of my life.

Love you Ma!

14 Reasons Why I Love You?

To be in love is May be one of the most magical feelings in the world. Love is capable of filling your life with such colours that were previously thought to be unimaginable.


I often wonder why I love you. Is it your presence, your smile, your eyes, or just the feeling of togetherness we share whenever we meet or talk. I wonder why I always seem to forget the things I want to tell you when we talk and keep getting lost in you.

1. I love that you are my best friend in the whole world and always will be.
2. I love that since the day you came into my life, everything's been perfect
3. I love how every time I look at you or talk to you, you take my breath away
4. I love the way you inspire me to be more than I am
5. I love the way you take the time to thank me for doing everyday things.
6. I love your ability to make me feel better when times are tough.
7. I love the way you won't let me compromise myself.
8. I love the way your voice sounds over the phone.
9. I love watching stupid serials because you love watching them.
10. I love when you seek explanations from me.
11. I Love the support you offer for my hopes and dreams.
12. I love that you listen to what I say
13. I am continually amazed by the depths of your kindness and your willingness to care for others, not just me.
14. I love that even though you know everything about me you still look at me the way you do

I am a guy who believes in Living the Moments as and when they come but when I think about you I feel stability. I promise that you are the ONE and you will be the LAST.

A Letter to God...!!

Dear God,

I am writing this letter to you with all due respect. I feel lost whenever I think about you or even talk about you. At times I get so much frustrated because I cannot accept certain facts in my life coz of some logical reasons behind it. But then I realized that if I believed in you then I should easily accept  whatever is happening as a part of your wish. But I am not like those people who can believe just like that. However I have a lot of respect for those who have immense trust in you and think that without your existence no one can breathe. Once my Mother told me that God has great plans for me and after sometime I found myself lost and suddenly all his plans became bad. I am not claiming that you are solely responsible for all the bad deeds or you don’t do good things but it surprises me when you can do things then why didn’t you control the outcomes of my bad planning.

Some of my friends told me that you do speak to us may be in a different way but we do not listen to you. It is not because we are bad but because we are human and we always tend to look at things from our perspective and not from your perspective. My friends say that when we do something it differs from the planned outcome then that means God has changed plans for us. So please tell me how many times you change your planes coz it happens to some of people now and then. In such cases I can come up with a different logic: that you didn’t think about anyone else interfering in your planning. As my friend claims that you can control each and everything, then why don’t you control the consequences before things gets worse?

If you have made us to do or act the way you want us to then we are nothing but your puppets. This makes me think that you are a Dictator who just needs slaves to follow the rules and praise you for their deeds.

I think God will Be like This...!!

My last but not the least point: as you said, you don’t force anyone to follow you but then have you ever thought or observed the list of your followers? Most of them are suffering from fear. Fear of doing something different in life because you might punish them if those so called consequences don’t support them. The biggest fear is you. They cannot decide what is right or wrong for them because they are so dependent on you that you will handle everything for them. Some of them have blind faith on you that you will never let any bad thing happen to them however these are the people who end up crying on the spilled milk. I can understand your condition that you possibly cannot handle 6 billion people at a time and you may not be having good staff to manage such a huge database. But that cannot be an excuse coz at the end of the day you are a GOD!!!

Lord I request you that you will guide all those people who live in an imaginary world and wait for you to do miracles in their life. Bless them Lord and grant them peace of mind and safety. If you are there and understand the depth of this letter, I am not a person who is challenging your intentions but I am just pointing out some of the rules which people follow blind folded. Hope everything is going well at your place and all applications on the DBMS is running perfectly. God don’t take my letter in wrong way and please don’t surprise me by more worst shocking experiences. It’s not that I believe in you and I am scared of you but that tricks of scaring me by bad omen won’t work on me.

Amen!

Yours Faithfully,

ME

A letter from a Father

Dear Son,

I am writing this to you because of 3 reasons......

1. Life, fortune and disaster are unpredictable; nobody knows how long he lives. Some words are better said early. 

2. I am your father, and if I don't tell you these, no one else will.

3. What is written, is my own personal bitter experiences that perhaps could save you a lot of unnecessary heartaches. 

Remember the following as you go through life....

• Do not bear bitterness towards those who are not good to you. No one has the responsibility of treating you well, except your mother and me. To those who are good to you, you have to treasure it and be thankful, and ALSO you have to be cautious, because,everyone has a motive for every move. You have to be very careful, don't hastily regard him as a real friend.
• No one is necessary,nothing in the world that you must own. Once you understand this idea, it would be easier for you to go through life when people around you don't want you any more or when you lose anything which you love most.
• Life is short. When you waste your life today, tomorrow you would find that life is leaving you. The earlier you treasure your life, the better you enjoy life.
• Love is a short-lived feeling, and this feeling would fade with time and with one's mood. If your so called loved one leaves you, be patient, time will wash away your aches and sadness. Don't over amplify the beauty and sweetness of love, and don't over exaggerate the sadness of falling out of love.
• A lot of successful people did not receive a good education, that does not mean that you can be successful by not studying hard! Whatever knowledge you gain is your weapon in life.
• I do not expect you to financially support me when I am old, either would I financially support your whole life. My responsibility as a supporter ends when you are grown up. After that, you decide whether you want to travel in a public transport or in your limousine, whether rich or poor. End of the it will be your decision and you have to put effort according to that.
• You should honor your words, but don't expect others to be so. You can be good to people, but don't expect people to be good to you. If you don't understand this, you would end up with unnecessary troubles because expectations hurt.
• I have bought lotteries and tried other short ways to earn money for umpteen years, but I never strike any prize. That shows if you want to be rich, you have to work hard! There is no free lunch!
• No matter how much time I have with you, let's treasure the time we have together. We do not know if we would meet again in our next life. 

Always remember one thing no matter what people say about you. You will always be my son and we will always feel proud about you. seeing you and having you in our life was a privilege to us.

Love you Beta…!!

Your Pa

Soul Searching

Here I want to tell my some personal experience about life. These experiences may be very childish and useless. But these are the things which I have learnt through my life.

Here I want to list down some steps with the help of that you can find yourself.

• Spend at least 60 minutes in a day with yourself and think about your 23 hours life which you spent that day itself.
• Don’t react immediately to what you think. Become aware of them and try to figure it out and make a decision on how to respond.
• Don’t try to change the world in one go. Know that if you want to do this; you have to start with yourself.
• Find out the things which make you happy and think about them and improve them to the next level.
• Believe that your thoughts are limited and you have seen the world up to none so don’t make judgment on the basis of your immature thoughts.
• Don’t think about the past mistakes; make sure that it would not be happen in near future.
• Take your criticism as a challenge and make those criticisms as driven power towards your destination.

After this you will be introduced to a person who is unknown to you even it is always with you. It’s not a ‘Rocket Science’ as we used to listen from our seniors. But to start this is not a easy task. We have to do it not for others only for us.

Don’t do the great things for others, do it for yourself because people will learn from you in near future.