Is it a Right Relationship?

We often will meet people with suggestions about any relationships and they will keep telling you about red flags (in Risk Management we have red flags) of any relationship. These comments and suggestions keep us on the toes without letting us know and we close ourselves from some promising experiences. We always judge people and look for behaviors to know that the person is not right for us. I have seen multiple times that we force ourselves out from a relationship just because we think that we are not good enough for any relationship. 

Knowing me you can say, its easier said than done but trust me basis my experience and learning, I can provide you a platform you think positively in a relationship (Even if I am not able to do that sometimes).

Ask yourself “Am I in a good relationship?” or “Is this relationship is good for me?”

Our relationships are not only influenced by our current actions but also by our past relationships and the life experiences that we bring forward into the current relationship. How we deal with confusions and misunderstandings defines the strength and wellbeing of our relationship and the level of happiness we are able to experience.

Much of the subconscious encoding that takes place throughout our life causes us to sabotage our happiness by preventing us from engaging effectively, especially when we become emotionally triggered. These unconscious “scripts” make you run in autopilot where your thoughts and words remain the same as your previous experience. Sometimes people call them as “baggage”. We should rewrite those scripts and must not allow then to contaminate the current relationship.

In my personal experience, I have been influenced with negative thoughts for a longest time where I was confused about my relationship earlier. Once that got the clarity then again some other issues pop up which are not allowing me to move and they want me to stand still. I am complying on those things and distancing myself from people so they could not get affected cause of me. This decision I have taken from my past experience and I do not know if that is right or wrong unless someone prove that to me. 

In same way instead of looking for every little thing that might be wrong with the person you’re with, look for whether they are fulfilling some of the affirmative needs you have. You must focus on the positives then the negatives. How can you evaluate if your relationship is a good one, here are positive traits you should look for:

You feel like you can be yourself

This is the most important point to see for compatibility. You can be yourself means; you should not feel that you are constantly putting on a mask to impress your partner all the time. If you must put a lot of efforts to be that person who you are not, there is no way to build an honest relationship. Its natural to be little guarded in the early days of relationship but you should reach out to that phase where you can feel totally comfortable. You should not think twice before cracking your lame jokes or discussing the topics which make you uncomfortable. Around with your partner you should feel complete.

You can define boundaries

In childhood we learnt that honesty is the best policy. In your relationship that means what you need and what you want from that relationship. It’s a theme of any relationship that works. I know sometimes it will be hard and other person may get hurt, but doing that in the relationship is the only way to ensure sustainability.

If you genuinely feel comfortable telling your partner when you want to be alone or when you need your space with your other priority tasks, then trust me it is a great sign in your relationship and this also means your partner respect those communication from you.

You share good laugh

This does not mean you have to be a comedian, but it means having good sense of humor. Someone has told me once that without sense of humor life can run but with Sarcasm its not possible. I have handled that line with a joke. 

It means when you are with each other you have your jokes and incidents where you both share a good laugh. I am sure all the time you cant be romantic or serious. Take my advice, laughing will strengthen your bond.

Emotional Empowerment not support

It’s a great sign of good relationship when partners are focused on what they want to create and how they want to feel. Most of the time its too easy to blame your partner when you are not feeling good about ourselves or sometime life seems to throw some tough challenges continually. 

As they say and I totally aligned my self with the thought, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” That is the reason most of the time I keep things with me when I don’t know how other person gonna react or if they will get the intent behind my message. So by trying to override your emotions and referring to past situations, you may blow a current situation entirely out of context. If you do that frequently, it makes you feel disconnect. I have felt this multiple times.

Your past relationship scripts comes in picture where you start thinking what you do not want in your relationship. Many couples start competing against each other when they emotionally triggered instead of supporting to create best outcome. We can quickly become obsessed with being right but it is essential to stay present.

Serious Talks

If you are shying away from the stuff which are tough to talk about with your partner then you are not ready for the relationship sustainability or you are afraid of being judged. It should not be the case as when you need some serious or rocky stuff to talk you need someone who can make these conversations smooth sailing. I have been that person 5 times in my life when I played a third person who talks about tough reality of life with my couple friends. One day drink expenses you are sorted to get the services. 

An honest relationship isn’t afraid to touch on subjects that make you uncomfortable. Try to be attentive and see how you both are able to engage with more serious questions together. Like what is our future in next 5 Years? (Joking, even I can not answer this, I am bad at planning, hence need someone who can do the favor as I am good at following instructions) Choose your questions wisely and even if it gets rocky, a strong relationship will work through it and make it productive.

Be Vulnerable

We all want to look tough and strong in a relationship but remember point no. 1 which says being you around your partner. It means you can also have your scars or bad past or your feelings of insecurity (I always feel insecure when I give space to any person, Don’t have SRK confidence) which you experience, it is very tough to talk about all those things. It breaks the image of yourself which you have created as “Mard ko Dard Nahi Hota” but “hota hai” when a person know where to hit.

When you find someone that can help you work through those feelings without judgment, it’s really special and you can talk about anything. Your partner would accept you as a whole where you have your short comings and strong points both.

You don’t need each other

By the heading, you already have decided this is the stupid point but trust me this judgement is passed by your insecurities not your emotions and soul. As they say “No sustainable relationship is built on necessity.”

We should be loving people we want to be with forever without guilt, not people who are convenient. Sometimes the path might look shaky and not clear but the faith between relationship turn that road to a life time experience (At least you would have a story to tell your grand children)

If your partner is self sufficient then it is ensured in a relationship that both are equal and no one is caretaker. We all like feeling needed, but a relationship that lets us feel free is more important in the long run. Let them feel free, your bonding and trust wont let that person to go anywhere.

They are your cheerleader

This point came in the mind at the time of watching cricket match, Role of cheerleader is to celebrate and encourage the team member when that person is performing well. In same manner you want someone in your life who is interested in what you are passionate about and will be your biggest cheerleader in reaching your goal.

Remember this, when you’re more excited to share your successes with your partner than anyone else, that’s an environment where love can bloom.

Not every relationship is perfect, but you can still find happiness and love. I am a flag bearer of Failed relationships and trust me its not a one sided game where knowing all the points will help you. A successful relationship wants two people who are equal and are ready to invest trust, support and time with each other (not saying love) to create a environment where love can bloom. 

If you find someone that meets the most essential criteria, you can start your work from there and remember me when you need to have some tough conversation and you need a person to mediate. Every relationship is going to have pain points and weaknesses. It’s not easy to make two characters work seamlessly together, but that’s not what relationships are about.

You will know when you will be in strong and healthy relationship because you would feel happy within yourself and in your circle and you would not be spending your time in overthinking. It feels great guaranteeing that you are emotionally aligned with yourself and aware of your partner’s needs will go a long way to promise the health and permanency of your relationship.

A Story About Love - Everything I Know

I have been quite distracted, puzzled and indecisive for couple of months, or I can say for more than a year. Past months I have been feeling sick (No Corona) and Mentally exhausted as I am not able to think through it. I am dealing with most stressful days in my life which I can not discuss because even I do not know how my life going to turn out to be? Will I get what I want, or I will continue run for a reality which I am not sure if exists. Knowing myself this is the second time I am in this situation where my feelings are totally concentrated towards something / someone and my life is going south in the drain. Both ways I cannot do much about it. Only time can solve this problem and something tells me, I might be running out of time. Not dying for sure but given the circumstances I can be sure the pain would be some next level which I have felt long ago when I was not the person I am today.

As I am known to be the most inexpressive person who does not know how to console, how to give hope or how to talk to people who are not in good health and how to give sympathy. So I came back to the medium which gives me right to be me and allow me to write and feel whatever I can not do in real world. I think everyone loves a good love story. Even in my childhood after watching Veer Zara and other SRK movies I used to think how God would write my story. How I am going to meet someone special and how I am gonna feel when she will say Hello to me. But it seems God was as much disinterested in me as I was in him. Before I move forward, Let me set the context first, I was atheist (WAS) and didn’t believe in the concept that someone else is controlling my life. So I will divide this story of “Kiyaan” in three parts and it is a fictional story (No No.. its not) so do not relate with yourself (Please do).

Opposite poles attract each other’s… Remember ?? Yeah law of magnatism or attraction.

When you found someone who is totally opposite to you and you tag that person as IDIOT but when communication takes place (Mutually or forcefully) then you started liking her thoughts, I mean opposite way of thinking… Then My friend you are screwed, and you need some serious soul searching. Keeping the interest for the story in mind we will cover the story in 3 parts:

• Law of Attraction
• Law of Society
• Law of Love
• End of the Story (Will write on my 60^th Birthday – Hope will find perfect ending)

Before you think I am a great writer, I want to warn you it might take a lot of courage and will power to read this. So you need some patience to get to the story and with emotional attachment you will break the boundaries of English grammar.

Let me start, First of all its not a Love a story, it’s a story about love whatever Kiyaan had experienced till now and how his judgements had taken the sharp turns in his life which have affected so many people willingly or unwillingly. It’s a lovely experience of Kiyaan and his experience of love to find out what is Love. A Boy from middle class family, the section of society who dreams to change the reality of life without knowing that its not as easy as he thinks because society will pull them down with lot of unwritten rules and regulation which is being running for more than 100 years. He is one of those privileged people who got the support of the parents to dream. When Parents give you unconditional support (at that time it will feel like) which will come with a condition that you have to honour their wishes too. They won’t say this to you directly as they want to see you “Happy”. Some time I wander what is the definition of Happiness, who will decide that I am happy or Sad or indifferent. 

Kiyaan was not a scholar but was a dreamer who was having the best days of life on his father’s expense and he was fine with it. In college and post college Kiyaan had dated a few girls, but he never had that "I want to spend my life with this person" feeling. Girls were either intelligent or they had great eyes and feet the only criteria he followed. In all those the chemistry was nonexistent and there was always a doubt that he was wasting the life of the other person as she is dependent on him and he cant commit anything. Few relationships outcomes reached out to home in form of chocolates, cards and even my favourite Gajar ka Halwa.

His definition of love was simple and he was looking forward for a girl who can have the following:

His definition of love was simple and he was looking forward for a girl who can have the following:

• Both of them should not be bored of each other as they have to spend 60 years together.
• That girl should have good sense of humor and sarcasm so both can have wittiest fun together.
• The girl should be caring and smart who can keep him on his toes without letting him know.
• She should love him as a complete man as he had some shortcomings.
• He should be ready to change / adjust himself for that girl and there would be no discussion about past as they have to spent future together.
• Lastly, she should be able to win over Mom (Mom has so many restrictions there)
• She should have good taste in food and should be able to order food for him as he was always confused as what to eat.

In short he was searching for a person with whom he can be himself without being judged. Love is all about two souls who come together for a common life goals and they inspire each other. Once you meet that person, the only serial should be running is “Just Mohabbat”. This was a dream sequence for his love of life. Needless to say, he was afraid of giving commitment and always believes in running away when things get serious. He always put other person happiness as priority and in Love its about putting that person as first priority. 

Nothing has happened which can give butterflies till the graduation and multiple heart break were reconciled with Atif Aslam songs. Then suddenly an idea struck and he started preparing for MBA which can give him 2 years away from the Hometown, Comicpur. Once he is committed, no one can stop him apart from his own laziness. His CAT application got rejected because he forgot to put the payment slip in envelope (he was in doubt as he did not put it but he was not bothered to check it). However, he managed to get some 90+ percentile in MAT and SNAP. Finally college was selected basis highest placement bracket (haven’t heard about marketing too at that point of time). It was Pune and he was ready to waste another two years with fun. Kiyaan is all ready for 2^nd inning in search of Love.

TBC...

Revisiting the Memory Lane - 3201

Here I am with one of the most important topics to cover. Its about the best days of my Life when I lived for me not for anyone else and I did not care about being vulnerable or showing up the weakness. You might be wondering as how these can be defined as best days. So answer to your question, as they say that best days for any human being is when he/she learnt new ways or they discover themselves or they Live the life fullest. If I look at myself 8 years ago, I was the one who used to define terms of my life and who was not afraid of anything and was always ready for consequences of his own actions. As life is all about facing changes and adopt it and I was no exception.

When my friends got to know about this Blog then they have forced me to write something about the days which we spent together in Gurgaon at my flat 3201. It was a open BAR for all my friends (I have very few friends) and I am not going to name these people as most of these are the best kids at their home. This all got started at 18^th October 2019 or later in October when some chain of events forced me to rethink about all the current arrangements in life (I am not gonna talk about it). I needed a distraction and Anchor who can hold me there for sometime so I can figure out most of the things on my own either by overthinking or logically. These are the folks I relied on and I trusted my Life with them. Like everyone else in this world, I hate being vulnerable but the comfort some of them have provided me was unmatchable. One of them believes that our connection is because of selfishness of both the parties and that was true in the beginning (Cant write much).

I am listing down the last few days of my life which I spent in Gurgaon in 3201.

12^th March: It was a sudden when I got to know that WFH was started in the company and this should be followed religiously. I was suppose to be relieved on 16^th as it was my last day as per my plan but as always my plans never worked out the way I want them. I have MN to help me relieved this day only as I do not want to start this setup for two days and surprisingly KP also joined the forces. I must say I was more concerned about the product review on Monday which was kind of nightmare for me. So finally it was decided that today is my last day and I was not able to react to this. I was forced by someone to meet the founders and I did as I was told and later in the evening entire team was ready for in house party at 3201. Planning was done and we were sitting at my place with all sort of arrangements which was enough to make us high. I still remember the game where the movie name suppose to be guessed and I have given “Langda daude Gali Gali” which is not qualified as a movie but everything is fair in competition. Then we have discussed what I feel about all the people available in group that day, apart from one person all my opinion was true and for that person I was honest only 40% as my honesty would not have served the higher purpose so I choose to hide few facts. That day I felt very humble as so many people said good things about me and I felt the same way for them. When this party got over and it was time to say good bye to each and everyone of them. It was done in most decent manner as I was too high to comment on this now. I decided that I will make the best use of the rest of the days so instead of planning for entire days, I started one day at a time so I have 13^th (Friday), 16^th (Monday), 17^th (Tuesday) and 18^th (Wednesday) so we planned for 13^th March.

13^th March: Following the philosophy one day at a time, I was all set for the day where we were suppose to meet on breakfast followed by movie and post that plan was yet to be created. I have reached to the decided place where someone was connected to the internet and taking business call so I concentrated on ordering breakfast and once everyone was there we moved to movie and at that time we didn’t know that it was Irfan Khan’s last performance which we were watching. This day I got a chance to choose my farewell gift (watch) so we have visited few places and finalized it. There are very limited colors in my life so I get settled with Black. We have ordered food and carry it to my place 3201 where we did lot of Bakar and had few beers. The time has come to call it a day and trust me it was the most amazing day where no stress on work and anything, I was happy being me and living the moment. In evening (later) BV came from Delhi to have an extended party where I was already down with couple of beers. So me, VT and BV started with the session and it was one of those sessions which you can not forget where your friends push you to accept something which they think you are denying and they give you reality check. We were high like anything, even today when I see those pics I could not stop my laugh. We were given dare where I have to call my one of my contacts and other have to send random Insta requests which later I got to know that VT got lucky and task was done. We were making notes so we can discuss tomorrow. It was hell of a ride as I have revisited all those memories which we have created in 6 years and counting it on for more years.

16^th March: Day has started, and I was officially jobless as my last was 13^th March in office and as decided we (KP and me) have to give a farewell lunch to the team. We reached to the venue and we were waiting for the team members to join. As I said my planning never go as expected so due to Covid only few of them make to the lunch and I was kind of sad initially but it turned out to be the best day as we had lot of fun. One thing I could say that I have earned some place in these people life who turned out to the venue and for those who called me to tell that they won’t make it. The lunch got over and we decided to do after lunch catchup in one of the open restaurants as it was few of the last days I had at my end to be with them. Trust me I felt like I was in some sort of movie and my life is about to end so I wanted to maximize the exposure. This was the day I got to know if you order coffee you have to say extra hot else they will give you coffee on some random temperature. I am quick learner that way. I got two very thoughtful gifts one was watch which was my favorite and second one was Poker set as someone thought I am a gambler which some how I did not deny. It was a day well spent and I asked someone that I want to meet tomorrow and my request was honored. I came to 3201 and VT and RR was there with Beers and food as my entire home was shifted to Bangalore on 15^th and I was left with one mattress and bedsheet. These guys always make me feel important and sometimes I feel I am not worthy enough for their compliments as it increased my responsibility and attachments towards them and I hate attachments. This day passed and I was thinking what I would do when I wont be around with them, I have never felt the same whenever I left something behind in order to move forward. Some drunk and high calls done today too as when I cant sleep I think.

17^th March: Yesterday was my farewell lunch and courtesy Covid very few of people turnout to appear and I was glad those people are there who mattered me the most. I keep on asking what is the plan and I got one, we were meeting again today. I was excited like a kid who got his way to full fill his wish to get his favorite toy or icecream. We meet again and this day was very special as I got to know about the person very thoroughly and I realized that the connection between us was beyond comprehension and as this person (he/she) was the most beautiful soul I have ever come across. I was so involved in knowing the story it seems some was walking me through my own life's decision. This was the day I fall for the idea of being with that person. I am known to be a person who can hide emotions and show absolute detachment, I was trying very hard to keep up the reputation. These 4 hours I can trade with anything in my life and that day we did not click pictures and I was containing and creating as much memories as I can. My other gang was waiting for me at a Bar where I reached around 2030 hours lost in thoughts if I can stop the time at that point and keep listening those words which were giving me validation that my profiling was not wrong and that person is the one. Do not have liberty to write more so moving on to the party which was already started as I have already delayed. We were having the drinks and MR. RR, VT and BV were crazy which I have not seen them earlier. I have to make a promise to them that we will be in touch and trust me it is a bigger commitment which I have given my office mates in last 10 years. I do not want to be in touch because emotions were not good for my health as a overthinker and emotional person. We finished two bottles that day and was singing songs out loud. Still remember RR dance moves and VT’s drunken moves.

18^th March: This was the D day when I have to leave from Gurgaon permanently with some promises to my closed people that I would bring them to the place where I was going and I still trying. The day started with an Hangover as some stuff was there which has to be finished before I move out from Gurgaon and that was last stock. I was so Sad and confused and was not able to determine my mood as this was a new feeling after the long time where moving away from few people was very difficult. I hate to admit since 28th Jan till this date I regret my decision to move on but me being me I have to test out something and I have to be sure about my feelings and surroundings. Mr. VT has went to office and he suppose to come in the evening when I have to leave and Mr. RR was busy with his own shit as he was already happy being secret Santa. I waited till I received a call to reach out some place where we all three can meet and courtesy Covid few places were open so we met at one of the open property in Gurgaon where we had lots of discussion related to office stuff and most avoidable question of my Life as what I am gonna do when I am away from the people I cared and loved. Later in the afternoon we moved out to the place where I have last drinks of the day in Gurgaon with one of my favorite people. This still feels fresh when I suppose to enjoy the moment but the only thing I could think at that point of time that I wont be able to see them ever (Given my destiny’s past track record). I was in a dilemma what should I say and how should I say that these 5 months were the best part of my life but the current circumstances did allow me to confess. Then I got dropped of at my place and that 5 last minutes still make me feel sad and I can trade anything to keep that moment freeze. On a lighter note I still have the video of breathless song which was performed in the car. Crazy memories… I reached to 3201 and my gang was waiting for me with more alcohol as if they wont get a chance to meet me again. I gave courage to them rather I would say to myself that we will meet again and I left for Railway station. When I was in Cab through out the journey till I reach my home town I was not able to sleep each and every small things which we spoke argued were fresh in my memory and those are still intact. Those chats are precious to me and give me strength and tell me that I am human too who just got stuck in wrong time.

Today, 18^th March 2021, when I look back and recall these memories then I think that those days couldn't be better than they already are. It seems as If these happened yesterday. I am a prisoner to these memories where I play victim, judge and lawyer to defend my judgements and till now I am not sure if I could have handled it in better manner or My judgement was right to move away from the people I cared. Writing these memories are my attempt to over come my most felt fear where I see myself loosing my memory or blocking my memories. This is my attempt to bring back good times which we spent alongside and these I would want to take it to my grave. Whatever I felt was real and even if I try to hide it from the world but I have to be honest to myself.

Will You Be My Valentine?

Before we talk about the reasons why you should be my Valentine (forever) and why I believe that you are making the difference in my life. Let’s talk about the feelings which forces you to express from your heart but mind always overruled the situation. When we fall in love with an individual, we give them a piece of our existence and hope. We share same bond and make it stronger and this feeling is beyond comprehension. That’s how two people grow closer to one another and form a never-ending bond of happiness, tears and silence. In my opinion “I LOVE YOU” is the most selfish phrase ever written where I would be putting myself before Love and “You” and without “I” this phrase seems incomplete. For me Love is beyond logic, situation and condition, I believe “Loving anyone can not be bound under any conditions”. Hence, I have never used this phrase till now. Love should be there in a raw form which only can be felt, that is the reason they say, “the Love is in the Air”.

Reasons for loving someone?

These reasons can not be logically addressed. These come to my mind when I miss them. When I feel, I am about to lose them or they are beyond my reach or may be I wont be able to see them. They are constant reminders of my love for them. When I miss the one, I love, my mind just starts jotting down the words on its own. I just wear my overthinking cap and think about the 8 aspect of the outcomes. I believe in the power of expression and expressing one’s feelings should be of the utmost importance. Without revealing our emotions and our thoughts into words, I don’t think we can lead to a honest self-life where we should not justify our steps which were not taken. It is a feeling where your heart skips a beat and your hands are shaky and joy overwhelms when you hear her voice or see her or you are with her, but you can’t find the right words to express how you feel. You mind make us cute phrases and tiny cheesy sentences, but it simply doesn’t cut it to put a feeling so strong and so big into something as tiny as words.

I am told that though the words are tiny, they have a much greater impact than one would think. That’s the reason I am here with the list of 14 reasons why You should be my Valentine or Why I feel the connection:

1. You’re my best friend, If I had to write 100 reasons why I feel this connection with you this would be my favourite one. You and I are a team. We have so much fun doing absolutely nothing. Sitting idle with you seems so much interesting. We share chemistry so strong nothing can break it. We might not look perfect on paper, but we are acute angle. You are the one of my safe haven, my first call whenever something happens (good or bad), you are someone I can talk to about anything and everything. That feeling is making me love myself more, and without even trying, you are turning me into a better person . With you by my side, I am the best version of me. 

2. I want you to be my valentine because you introduce me to a new universe. I never felt fully accepted before you came along. Someone was always trying to make me different to fit their world. They always pushed me to change, and you wouldn’t have me any other way. In your eyes, I am just the right amount of weirdness and remarkableness. You like the bright parts of me but accept my darker days as well. You do not expect me to be someone I’m not, and that’s so liberating and help me to be grounded.

3. I want you to be my valentine because you saved me from the demons that possessed me. I think you are my guardian angel. Having you around make me feel safe and I can be vulnerable too. Never in my life had I known a person so dependable and then you came along. You never lie to me or mess with my feelings. I can depend on you for everything as you can on me. Let me tell you that it was the first hand feeling that with you I can relax and silence my fears.

4. I want you to be my valentine because you make me laugh and you make me forget the world. I think being with you is as easy as breathing. You don’t complicate things; there is no drama or mind games. You make me the happiest I’ve ever been. You don’t have to do anything special—your presence alone is enough to make my day amazing. You make every ordinary moment count. Laughter, inside jokes (sarcasm and Mean Jokes).

5. I want you to be my valentine because I am scared of getting closer to you as I have a burden of the past but I am not scared that you will leave because I have learned to respect the choices of people as everyone has a right to live their life on their terms. You are always in my corner, cheering me on to believe in myself and push harder. With you by my side, there is nothing I can’t do. You silence my insecurities.

6. I want you to be my valentine because you are interested in unravelling the words of my untold story. The words that I vowed never to show anyone. You make me want to read them out loud and you make me want to write a happy ending. Maybe everything isn’t always perfect like in the fairytales, but I still love the reality of us more. Let me quote SRK “Agar akhir me sab achchha na ho to samajhna Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost”. All of the stories I have seen but it seems in this story, we can be our unique selves. In our story, even the most difficult of times are easier because we have one another to lean on.

7. I want you to be my valentine because when I miss you I know where to find you. I admit most of the time my overthinking stops me doing something which I want to do but deep inside my heart I know you would be there. Sometimes we don’t even have to speak to understand one another. We pick up on each other’s vibes. We know when it’s best to say nothing and I am learning when it’s best to speak up. 

8. I want you to be my valentine because there is something so strong between us that there is no logic which can explain it. I feel so much that words don’t cut it. If you feel the same for me, you will know what I’m talking about. I adore you. When we talk, I forget that the rest of the world exists. For me, there is no one but you. This love consumes me.

9. I want you to be my valentine because you make me feel like a kid in love. it’s funny, but I fell so hard for you that it makes me feel like a teenager who has found his connection for the first time in his life. I look forward to every text or call from you. I can’t wait to see you, and I can never get enough of you.

10. I want you to be my valentine because you are my soulmate and whenever I see a movie or listen to those cheesy lines: “I knew from the moment I met you”. It seemed so fake to me because before you, I could never say that. I really did know that you were someone special from the moment I laid my eyes on you. You are the most beautiful thing happen to me. What I felt at that moment had nothing to do with reason and logic. I guess emotions rarely do. I am glad you proved me wrong. 

11. I want you to be my valentine because you value me. I know there is no point in wandering through the past, but I guess it’s excusable when it helps you value the present moment. Sometime circumstances do not allow me to express as I think people will judge me. I have always been taken for granted and my actions were judged basis people convenience irrespective of my intentions. 

12. I want you to be my valentine because I am done running away from you since I felt this special feeling. I miss you when you are not around. That’s one of the first signs that screamed that I fall for you before I gathered up the courage to admit it to myself. I get threatened with the thought of not getting to see you or not able to talk to you. I always tried to hide it and run away from the situation because I think I am not the one for you but the distance makes this feeling more stronger.

13. I want you to be my valentine because I love making memories with you. We have shared so much so far that it seems like I know you far more than I do. We have shared moments so beautiful and so powerful that they are making me warm inside every time I think of them. Those memories are the reasons I never feel down even in the toughest situations.

14. I want you to be my valentine because you because you made my walls tumble down. My past made me build walls around my heart that I thought were unbreachable. I was someone else who was just existing in my life and justifying all my actions to the people around me. You showed me that you were different. You showed me that I can trust you. You showed me that you would never intentionally hurt me, and I had no other choice but to let you get close. I am glad I did. You taught me how to love again by believing in me, by believing in your gut feeling that if we were meant to be, we will be together.

I spent half of my life dreaming about that one special person, and you put my dreams to bring shame on. You are better than anything I could ever dream or imagine. You are the one who compliments my life and makes it incredible. There could never be anyone else but you. I am not sure if this all make sense but end of the day… You are the magic I believed in and there is no logic when it comes to magic. The moments with you, thats when I wish I could stop time!

Happy Valentines day !

Yours,

Table No. 18, Pepe Verde's Cafe

Happy Birthday from Unbeatendesire!

 Dear Birthday Girl,

Cheer up. Take courage. “The truth is that getting older is nothing to be feared. Its make you unique in its own ways”. As the years go by, you gain a perspective not found in younger years. Mysteries of why things happened years ago start to clear up. You can see how the pieces of life fit together. Using thoughtful retrospection, the older you become, the more life makes sense.

You are indeed a great personality - the way you talk, the way you smile, your obsession for success, love for your family. Your passion for your future, your philosophical thoughts, clarity about your life, the purity in your heart, control over your emotions, your friendly nature, your efforts to make me laugh when I feel alone, when I feel so low. The way you turn every intense situation into something positive and sometimes light. Being yourself, being so selfless, adventurous, caring, affectionate and Crazy. 

We have not known each other for a long time, about a year and a half at most. But I do know this; I have feelings for you. What I do know for certain is that you are kind, beautiful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. You are precious to me and I couldn't bear to see you hurt. I would just about lose my mind. I am the kind of person who would like to hide behind blogs and open letters, when it comes to talking about my feelings, I'm not the best at it. I just don't enjoy addressing matters of the heart.

Let's be honest... we're practically polar opposites. However, we have enough similarities to get along, I think. Here are a few reasons why I like the hell out of you and why you should be super excited about your birthday (Yes, I'm writing a list of the reasons. I warned you):

• You're really good at what you do and you're so passionate about it. Who wouldn't admire that? A damned hater, that's who! 
• You are so supportive of me. The other day I was feeling really down, and I shared with you what I was going through. You listened and offered words of encouragement in a way that showed you really do care. You'd never just give me the whole "Stop complaining because many people would love to be in your shoes" response that so many people give; that response has inspired me to NOT open up about my feelings when I'm going through hard times. But you don't do that to me. You're just there for me. It means a lot. Yeah.
• I love talking to you on the phone. I like getting excited when I realize I've got a text from you. You are may one of the favorite notification on Whatsapp.
• My life is pretty weird and unpredictable. Sometimes because of my career and my personal issues. With you, it is like everything is normal and so peaceful and I have never felt the same way for years.
• I think you deserve the world, yet somehow I don’t think you always see that. But I want you to know, I often find my own self wondering what I did to deserve you.
• You taught me what a connection really is and I got crazy when you told that You come in to people’s lives with a purpose and you change them. You make every single person around you better, without even realizing it.
• You’re the person that someone can only live without, if they’ve never lived with them before. You light up every room, and lift up every single person around you. People need you.
• You get to know them down to their very core, even when they’re hard to get to know. You go to war for the people that you love, and do it without even thinking. Love isn’t an option for you. It’s just who you are and it makes you the most beautiful soul I have ever known. Because your love isn’t fearful, or weak. It’s the most powerful force that I have ever felt—indestructible and unconditional.
• If for any reason, we ever fight about something, and I mean really fight about something, I will always want to fix it. I hope you stay around for a long time, because I want you in my life forever. You have made my life so much better since you entered it and the memories that we have made together are one in a million. With that being said, I hope you know how much I appreciate you, how much I appreciate everything that you do for me. And I hope that you know I would do anything for you, without even hesitating because you're my best friend.

I could have written a lot of things as you know but I am not going to make this post boring for you so sub listing few points for which you should be happy as its you 18th Birthday with 12 year’s experience: 

1. You have the ability to create a smile and trust me that you have a beautiful smile that erases all the worries away.
2. Your happiness is contagious and you have the perfect timing in entering a person’s life.
3. You are candid in the most positive way.
4. You can stay for as long as you’re needed and A simple “Hi” from you is something worth hearing.
5. You know how to tease and not make a person angry. I can vouch for that.
6. You make a heart beat fast… and faster and your stare is worth a smile.
7. Your genuinely say “sorry” and I don’t know how you do it.
8. Your heart is as big as your soul and you give good advice even if the situation doesn’t coincide with your life.
9. You have principles and you follow them.
10. You love your God (YOUR) more than anybody.
11. You pick your closest friends and don’t forget them.
12. When the temperature rises, you choose to go to sleep and put your phone on “Airplane Mode” and I hate it.
13. You don’t make someone feel bad.
14. You avoid wars just as you always find peace.
15. You trust that your thoughts are true.
16. You are not afraid to question things.
17. You’re brave because you want to.
18. You love conversations and people might not know but you are easy to talk to.
19. Your silence is magical and it put me revisit all the conversation where I could be wrong.
20. Your soul is beautiful in every single way.
21. You stand by what you believe in life and for that you follow and break rules at the same time.
22. You don’t really assume that the society’s standards are all true.
23. You love yourself and trust me you would never walk alone because you are loved by people.
24. You don’t fake your emotions and you try to explain your self but don’t expect to be understood.
25. You know how to keep secrets and Friendship with you is an exciting adventure and you can walk a mile on someone’s shoes.
26. You are not afraid to make a mistake and your opinions always matter.
27. You won’t be forgotten easily and you don’t compete in attention – you don’t need to.
28. You are not someone to be liked; you are someone to be loved.
29. Your genuineness will stay forever.
30. You are special, and you may not know it.

Thank you for sticking by me, getting to know my life, showing me the most sincere support and unconditional care. I couldn't thank you enough for the countless amount of times that you have stuck by me when I needed you. I have no idea what I'd do without you sometimes... or all of the time. And I am so happy that I don't ever have to find out.

Even I am not happy with wrinkles and thinning hair when we grow more older as every year is a single step reaching to that destination. But I love getting older. It is a sweet time in life. Embrace it. Go ahead. I dare you. Fall in love with getting older.

Happy Birthday…! Don’t count your wrinkles count your blessings!

Yours!

Ji chang Wook

If Mature You was to counsel Youthful You...! - A Letter

There is so much going on news channels and social media platform regarding the disheartening incident related to Sushant Singh Raajput. Suddenly everyone got concerned about the depression or loneliness of not only their friends and family but people around them as well. I have seen multiple posts which got surfaced on social media which talks about people to reach out to them to talk and stay in touch. Trust me I loved the gesture and intent of all those people. I am no expert and when it comes to comforting people, I might be below passing marks but when it come to lift up their strength especially mental; I am good. In my personal opinion our deepest fear is not our weakness but our strength which is beyond measure and we do not know yet, our capabilities to change the world. Due to this confusion and lack of facts, we come to a point where quitting seems easy and fighting seems too much. Trust me when I say this, it is a matter of few minutes when your grief, expectations and positivity is being clouded and you take a decision which cannot be justified in any means. As they say, “Death is the permanent solution of the temporary problems.”

Each one of us, at some point, go through that phase of life where life seems more complicated than you thought to be. You decide to fight and suddenly in your battle you feel like a lone warrior against invisible enemies which you cannot fight. I would like to write a open letter to younger me who was ready to take the life with a storm and have so many hopes and expectations in life and with people. This is my friendly advice to my younger self and I wish if I was there as a friend at that point of time.

Dear You,

First of all, you would be happy enough to know that I am there in future, irrespective of our ordeals in past we have made it through and from my perspective by flying colors. You should also know I loved you because the energy, passion and thinking ability you have is what made me stronger. You should hang in there and listen to people who say “at the end everything will make sense”, trust me it does and it could not be a better future for us especially if you analyze your current situation. This means you have handled yourself well.

I know it has been tough for you and you have started struggling with life. I might not able to fully understand your current situation as you would moved out from it well to keep me alive and energetic but I know that you have gone through situations no one should ever go through. You have dealt with issues a lot of people will never understand. You have emotional scars that might never go. You live in a world where sometimes you feel alone, forgotten and unimportant. You have spent more nights than you can count: crying, striving, being hurt to the extent of almost dying for the life you always wanted. You have always fathom when there is no lack of efforts from your end; then why these hardships??.

I know you are feeling like the million pound world is on your shoulder and you don’t know if you can hold it all. You don’t know if you are going to break or when you are going to break.

I know you feel like you can't do anything right. And at this point, you don't see how it will get better. You don't know if you can make it through another day like this. I know that no one knows how you are feeling because you are good at hiding things from people and sometimes you don’t even know yourself. You don't understand how or why you feel the way you do. But you also don't know how to feel anything else.

So I'm not going to tell you how you feel, or what will make it better, or to just keep your head up because none of that really matters. Instead, I am going to tell you how I feel now when I look back and remember about all these instances which make me feel low and put me down where I can’t even breathe.

I feel like you are a bright light in my life. Even though right now you may be in the darkest place that you could ever imagine, you need to know that you are the light at the end of the tunnel for me (I am standing outside of the tunnel with a trophy which will say “Yes! We did it again!). Right now you can count on your brother, he is matured than both of us till now and you should speak to him daily and share your stupid jokes and your day dreams and talk about the interviews where you got rejected today. He would not judge you, he still does not. He and I are your biggest supporter and your experience in life is something I can hold onto during my toughest days and your current suffering made me stronger.

I feel like you are one of the strongest people that I know and after this phase or many other phases in life people would look upto you because you would be the one who know how to handle pain and survive. The fact that you are feeling all of these things that you cannot define is terrifying, and yet you still manage to get out of bed and face the world each day. You paint a smile on your face. Whenever I recall our experience with the beggar,with my brother and friends;they still don’t believe, it seems impossible to them that we might have done something like that.

I feel like you thought that you and your problems are a burden to other people. You don't walk around complaining or even talking about your pain. Instead, you hold it all in, as not to annoy or worry anyone else. But I need you to know that I am here for a reason and you can find someone with whom you can share your feelings and they would understand it. When I tell you that I am here for anything you need, I'm not just saying that to be nice, I mean it. I know you would find your anchor in your brother soon. I expected one of our friends might bring us out of this mess but as you already know we are unlucky in this area. In future you might get good friends and people who would make you feel privileged.

As a friend I feel like I want to be here for you no matter what. It could be 3 o'clock in the morning and I will pick up my phone or answer my door for you. You can discuss about yourself with me because you would be able to make a better future if you just hang in there and do whatever it takes!

I have seen more world than you so you better listen to me; you have to be strong so you can support many people one day who might suffer the pain same as you are or even worse. So trust me when I say:

I promise you, it's not permanent. The sun rises every day to create something new, something wonderful, and you have to be a part of that. This world wouldn't be the same without you. There is a reason that you are here and there's a plan for you. A plan that you don't know about and I know it would work out well at the end. It is a surprise for you!

This is a big world with so much to see : so many things,inventions, developments, places and people to fall in love with, and you have to experience it all.

There's always going to be that little voice at back of your mind trying to bring you down, but have to learn how to silence it. Just think it through; you might be the best Biryani in the world and there is always going to be someone who does not like “Rice”.

Never let this disease and time define who you are.

And if you ever think you have no reason to be here, think of me. I need you here. I always have, and I always will. The stronger you are :the powerful I’ll be.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Yours,

Future that is totally dependent on you!

PS: Always remember at the end of the day, the only person who controls your happiness is you.

Tom & Jerry - My Partners since Childhood

As they say when in doubt always go back to basics for the clarity and clear your thought process. This quarantine pushed me to be at home for more than 90 days and these days were very crucial in my life as I have never spent so much of time sitting home idle. I have been suffering from mood swings, short temper, negative thought process and what not. I would not shy away with my responsibility of handling things as those might be better than the usual. I had tough time with my friends and family as I have shown tantrums and mood swings. To keep myself occupied I involved myself in writing and keeping distance to my loved ones except few. 

Keeping a low for more than 60 days I decided to redeem myself so I tried to go back to my childhood where the toughest decision was to identify ice-cream flavor or which cartoon to watch. I was so much involved in cartoons as I have few of my friends which are exactly like my cartoon characters and playing same role in my life.  In childhood my favorite cartoon was Tom and Jerry. Everyday I wanted to watch this cartoon for which I use to do all my homework and other work within the time frame. There were two main characters – Cat and Mouse. It was such a easy plot as every time Tom tried to catch Jerry. I thought it was very interesting. Also, there were a lot of funny situations that I remember well now. Of course, I like watching cartoons even now and I don’t agree that cartoons are only for children.

My favorite was Jerry and I like the way he put Tom is such a stupid situations. I felt sorry for Tom too but I loved those incidents. A significant part of my childhood has been spent watching cartoons, especially Tom & Jerry. Going down to that memory lane and trying to bring those incidents from which I have learnt very important life lessons. Tom & Jerry Wasn’t Just A Cartoon. It’s A Reflection of the Life & Struggles. The one thing I never really looked into was the philosophy of Tom & Jerry. Well, honestly, no kid does.  But today I believe this makes more sense.

This might sound cliché but that’s true and I will prove that via this post that a playful universe of Tom & Jerry is a reflection of all our real lives.

Tom and Jerry draws a brilliant analogy with the relationship we share with people in our life that’s called twisted relationship. Like few of my friends and few people they are hot then they are cold, they are yes and they are no, they are wrong when its right, they breakup and they make up. This sums up Tom and Jerry’s very twisted relationship.

The twisted friendship between Tom and Jerry draws a brilliant analogy with the relationships we share with people in today's world. That sums up Tom & Jerry's very twisted friendship just like all of our friendships. It also gives us an insight into our relationship with our close friends and siblings. Somehow, they never give up on each other even after going through the worse of the situations.

Haven’t you figured that our life is basically a maze with several blocks which is perfectly illustrated in Tom and Jerry. We encounter with the problem when we are least expecting them. The way Tom and Jerry creates those obstacles in the string of events which comes across as an identical situation of what happens to the best of us.

Who other than Tom and Jerry tells you that there is never a shortcut to success? There are instances in the show where Tom or Jerry try to take a shortcut to beat each other and then they end up pretty bad. This is a slight hint towards a bigger lesson that there is absolutely no shorter way to achieve what we really want in life. Take it or leave it. 

There will always be someone you will meet in your life who will make you feel 'small' or 'big'. Remember the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror thinking if you're good enough for someone or something? Honestly, I have felt that way too. We always believe that we are not that great than someone who is already present around you or that person might be existing in universe. We always tend to reflect more on our negatives than our positives and it is, in no way, your fault. This very fact is beautifully demonstrated through the characters of the show.

Your might is not measured in physical attributes and you are way bigger than you think you are. Period

The small can overcome the seemingly bigger and more powerful. It is a proven fact. But we forget and that is why we have Tom & Jerry who seem to scream this fact at the top of their voices throughout our childhood.

At last I would like to take a moment to appreciate the thought behind the creation of Jerry. A very small character with a conviction of the Gods. Life will constantly push you. Change is the only constant who other than Jerry can tells you that he upgrades himself with every move. I always wonder 

There are many ups and downs in Life. Don't worry, hang in there!

I remember one of those episodes where Tom signs on all his 'will papers' and is seen sitting on the railway tracks and one can hear train sounds. Tom says ,“In a few minutes, it'll all be over. It is better this way." You would be amazed to know the reason. It has to do with him falling for a Cat and his heart got broken. Now I understood that it was a display of a very week moment in Tom’s life, just like us who have got our heart broken at some point or the other. Mine was broken when I was in 3rd standard and I asked her to sit beside me and she denied (Yeah it was that intense). If you have recalled this episode then you would know that episode gives us a unique sneak peek into the deeply rooted friendship between Tom & Jerry drawing an imagery of our friends who are right beside us in the time of adversity or sad moments.

Every scar has a story

As you know crossing the obstacles will make you stronger. This is what Tom and Jerry stood for. No matter what happens, every scar is a story to tell and every experience is a lesson learnt. We keep rocking. We don’t quit!

Change your perception to look at a problem. Be a Game-Changer

One of the very important lesson to learn is the way they attack each other. Imagine if you are in a problem. You find solution A, then a B or C or D and you probably sleep on it. You ask people for advice and then you find a solution. It is all about looking at a problem from a different perspective just like Tom & Jerry who never seem to give up.

You will meet all kinds of people in life, some you will love, and some you will hate. Keep your friends and loved ones closer. We fight with our friends but we are always there for them, just like Tom & Jerry. Thank you all for being my Tom as I am Jerry who is fighting for life always and think that today is the last day of the life and always try to live the life at full speed. 

My Squad - The 2 AM Buddies

Its about time that I should write something about my friends and some of the people who are very special in my Life. I always feel privileged to be around them and sometimes I doubt if I deserve any of them. Knowing me they choose to be around and they show me the mirror at times and defend me when I am not around (I would like to believe that else I will kill him/her). They handle my mood swings, my crazy thought process and my sky high expectations from them (I am the one who give Gyan on not expect anything from anyone). Few of them do status call to check up on me and most of them are connected either via messenger or telepathy (We talk to each other when we get stuck and need each other’s help). They stay up late with me dissecting the meaning of life, motivate me to video call people and propose first girl on my recent calls, sometimes inspire me to improve myself, keep my secrets and they are the perfect ROI mutual funds where Risk is not subject to market risk.

Why I love them and want to keep them forever in my portrait of Life (Yes, I have this stupid portrait where all important people in life are there and posing). Everyone must have a friends like these. Now let me tell you why they are the closest to me and they know the actual version of me (I have split personality too). If you do not have such friends you are missing out. Here’s why (I will ask money from them for writing this):

They show me the Mirror (No Bullshit)

They say honesty is the best policy, I would say honesty is a sensitive thing. They will lie out of kindness to protect your feelings because they think friendship is more important than the truth. On the other hand the trust is invested where I can say they are not the people to play mind games or go behind peoples back. When you ask for advice, if they are your best friends they will cut the chase and without sugar coating they will say what is right. It is a painful experience and you might not be used to receive such brutal truth but you are happy because the intentions are good.

They Will Never Lie

They might go with Poker face and keep quite but they won’t lie to your face. You expect them to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Before someone can think or take this literally (we lie to each others in harmless manner), this only applies in situations when someone’s trust is on the line. If they are in the mood then you can get the whatever version of reality to they are experimenting at that point of time. They will play you like nobody’s business.

They will bring better of you

They will have big plans for the future and they enjoy strategizing about how to accomplish them. One of the great thing they provide in a friendship is a desire to constantly improve themselves and Hope to you and their focus at work is contagious. When they get to know that there is something you want, they'll provide a huge amount of direction and motivation to help you reach your goals.

They Get over Stuff

They would not hold a grudge and would love to end a fight. They will hold grounds on intellectual fights which you might have with them because those can impact both of the life. As per them holding grudge is a waste of energy and clearing things is new cool. Having an argument is quite an impersonal thing to a Rational, so even if he initially blows up, the relationship should soon go back to normal with no hard feelings. (He'll/she’ll still think your logic sucks, though.)

One thing I can say for sure just don’t expect forgiveness if you seriously harm or betray your best friend. If he/she is sure that you are not worthy they will end the friendship.

He/She is your 2 AM Buddy

You need a shoulder to cry on, you need someone to talk about your ex. You need to do brainstorm they will be there for you. I have 3 guys, 1 brother and 1 Girl on my speed dial for such crises. They might not enjoy small talks and I have never talk to them formally if my memory serves me correctly but when you have deep discussion about politics, corona or why earth is round then they are the best in business. I use them as Devil’s advocate to challenge my ideas. They are just awesome and you can be you without being judged.

They are your bank locker

If you do not want to discuss your personal life, they are perfectly fine with that arrangements and if you want to discuss issues then you can be vulnerable they will hear you out and suggest one idea or two. They are not interested in exposing your secret. They keep their softer side closely guarded and expect others to do the same.

Over share and you won't regret it, though. Your true friend will understand how hard it is to open up and make yourself vulnerable to someone – they would never abuse that trust.

They set you Free and rescue you in crises

If you choose to be off the radar for few months or ignoring every social engagement then you best friend will accept that with open heart. (I do most of the time, I think Time is precious and I am giving that to someone I care so it’s worth it). They’d prefer it if you both gave each other the freedom to come and go as you please. A good friend will check in with you if it's been too long, but they'll never put demands on you or insist that you hang out or put a condition which you need to follow. There's no codependence in this relationship!

No matter what you're struggling with, they'll encourage you to see all sides of the situation and recognize that there's always a way out. It's all about perspective.

They are Crazy and exact opposite of normal people

They won’t make friends because they are supposed to but they make friends because they choose to. If you are friends with this type which means you are interesting and you are valued. You are a trusted member of a pretty exclusive club. It takes a lot for them to invest in a friendship, and a lot more to scare them away once they've made that investment. They'll take you as you are with all your trait and craziness, and they won't get embarrassed if you're operating outside of social norms

I have very few friends and people whom I can trust and can take bullet for them. For me being in my elite group means a lot to me. It’s a promise that I will be there with you to the bitter end and we can laugh post the dust of uncertainty gets settled. Always remember if someone tries to hurt you trust me I know where to bury dead bodies too (Just Kidding). Thank you for being there with me.