Happy Birthday from Unbeatendesire!

 Dear Birthday Girl,

Cheer up. Take courage. “The truth is that getting older is nothing to be feared. Its make you unique in its own ways”. As the years go by, you gain a perspective not found in younger years. Mysteries of why things happened years ago start to clear up. You can see how the pieces of life fit together. Using thoughtful retrospection, the older you become, the more life makes sense.

You are indeed a great personality - the way you talk, the way you smile, your obsession for success, love for your family. Your passion for your future, your philosophical thoughts, clarity about your life, the purity in your heart, control over your emotions, your friendly nature, your efforts to make me laugh when I feel alone, when I feel so low. The way you turn every intense situation into something positive and sometimes light. Being yourself, being so selfless, adventurous, caring, affectionate and Crazy. 

We have not known each other for a long time, about a year and a half at most. But I do know this; I have feelings for you. What I do know for certain is that you are kind, beautiful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. You are precious to me and I couldn't bear to see you hurt. I would just about lose my mind. I am the kind of person who would like to hide behind blogs and open letters, when it comes to talking about my feelings, I'm not the best at it. I just don't enjoy addressing matters of the heart.

Let's be honest... we're practically polar opposites. However, we have enough similarities to get along, I think. Here are a few reasons why I like the hell out of you and why you should be super excited about your birthday (Yes, I'm writing a list of the reasons. I warned you):

• You're really good at what you do and you're so passionate about it. Who wouldn't admire that? A damned hater, that's who! 
• You are so supportive of me. The other day I was feeling really down, and I shared with you what I was going through. You listened and offered words of encouragement in a way that showed you really do care. You'd never just give me the whole "Stop complaining because many people would love to be in your shoes" response that so many people give; that response has inspired me to NOT open up about my feelings when I'm going through hard times. But you don't do that to me. You're just there for me. It means a lot. Yeah.
• I love talking to you on the phone. I like getting excited when I realize I've got a text from you. You are may one of the favorite notification on Whatsapp.
• My life is pretty weird and unpredictable. Sometimes because of my career and my personal issues. With you, it is like everything is normal and so peaceful and I have never felt the same way for years.
• I think you deserve the world, yet somehow I don’t think you always see that. But I want you to know, I often find my own self wondering what I did to deserve you.
• You taught me what a connection really is and I got crazy when you told that You come in to people’s lives with a purpose and you change them. You make every single person around you better, without even realizing it.
• You’re the person that someone can only live without, if they’ve never lived with them before. You light up every room, and lift up every single person around you. People need you.
• You get to know them down to their very core, even when they’re hard to get to know. You go to war for the people that you love, and do it without even thinking. Love isn’t an option for you. It’s just who you are and it makes you the most beautiful soul I have ever known. Because your love isn’t fearful, or weak. It’s the most powerful force that I have ever felt—indestructible and unconditional.
• If for any reason, we ever fight about something, and I mean really fight about something, I will always want to fix it. I hope you stay around for a long time, because I want you in my life forever. You have made my life so much better since you entered it and the memories that we have made together are one in a million. With that being said, I hope you know how much I appreciate you, how much I appreciate everything that you do for me. And I hope that you know I would do anything for you, without even hesitating because you're my best friend.

I could have written a lot of things as you know but I am not going to make this post boring for you so sub listing few points for which you should be happy as its you 18th Birthday with 12 year’s experience: 

1. You have the ability to create a smile and trust me that you have a beautiful smile that erases all the worries away.
2. Your happiness is contagious and you have the perfect timing in entering a person’s life.
3. You are candid in the most positive way.
4. You can stay for as long as you’re needed and A simple “Hi” from you is something worth hearing.
5. You know how to tease and not make a person angry. I can vouch for that.
6. You make a heart beat fast… and faster and your stare is worth a smile.
7. Your genuinely say “sorry” and I don’t know how you do it.
8. Your heart is as big as your soul and you give good advice even if the situation doesn’t coincide with your life.
9. You have principles and you follow them.
10. You love your God (YOUR) more than anybody.
11. You pick your closest friends and don’t forget them.
12. When the temperature rises, you choose to go to sleep and put your phone on “Airplane Mode” and I hate it.
13. You don’t make someone feel bad.
14. You avoid wars just as you always find peace.
15. You trust that your thoughts are true.
16. You are not afraid to question things.
17. You’re brave because you want to.
18. You love conversations and people might not know but you are easy to talk to.
19. Your silence is magical and it put me revisit all the conversation where I could be wrong.
20. Your soul is beautiful in every single way.
21. You stand by what you believe in life and for that you follow and break rules at the same time.
22. You don’t really assume that the society’s standards are all true.
23. You love yourself and trust me you would never walk alone because you are loved by people.
24. You don’t fake your emotions and you try to explain your self but don’t expect to be understood.
25. You know how to keep secrets and Friendship with you is an exciting adventure and you can walk a mile on someone’s shoes.
26. You are not afraid to make a mistake and your opinions always matter.
27. You won’t be forgotten easily and you don’t compete in attention – you don’t need to.
28. You are not someone to be liked; you are someone to be loved.
29. Your genuineness will stay forever.
30. You are special, and you may not know it.

Thank you for sticking by me, getting to know my life, showing me the most sincere support and unconditional care. I couldn't thank you enough for the countless amount of times that you have stuck by me when I needed you. I have no idea what I'd do without you sometimes... or all of the time. And I am so happy that I don't ever have to find out.

Even I am not happy with wrinkles and thinning hair when we grow more older as every year is a single step reaching to that destination. But I love getting older. It is a sweet time in life. Embrace it. Go ahead. I dare you. Fall in love with getting older.

Happy Birthday…! Don’t count your wrinkles count your blessings!

Yours!

Ji chang Wook

If Mature You was to counsel Youthful You...! - A Letter

There is so much going on news channels and social media platform regarding the disheartening incident related to Sushant Singh Raajput. Suddenly everyone got concerned about the depression or loneliness of not only their friends and family but people around them as well. I have seen multiple posts which got surfaced on social media which talks about people to reach out to them to talk and stay in touch. Trust me I loved the gesture and intent of all those people. I am no expert and when it comes to comforting people, I might be below passing marks but when it come to lift up their strength especially mental; I am good. In my personal opinion our deepest fear is not our weakness but our strength which is beyond measure and we do not know yet, our capabilities to change the world. Due to this confusion and lack of facts, we come to a point where quitting seems easy and fighting seems too much. Trust me when I say this, it is a matter of few minutes when your grief, expectations and positivity is being clouded and you take a decision which cannot be justified in any means. As they say, “Death is the permanent solution of the temporary problems.”

Each one of us, at some point, go through that phase of life where life seems more complicated than you thought to be. You decide to fight and suddenly in your battle you feel like a lone warrior against invisible enemies which you cannot fight. I would like to write a open letter to younger me who was ready to take the life with a storm and have so many hopes and expectations in life and with people. This is my friendly advice to my younger self and I wish if I was there as a friend at that point of time.

Dear You,

First of all, you would be happy enough to know that I am there in future, irrespective of our ordeals in past we have made it through and from my perspective by flying colors. You should also know I loved you because the energy, passion and thinking ability you have is what made me stronger. You should hang in there and listen to people who say “at the end everything will make sense”, trust me it does and it could not be a better future for us especially if you analyze your current situation. This means you have handled yourself well.

I know it has been tough for you and you have started struggling with life. I might not able to fully understand your current situation as you would moved out from it well to keep me alive and energetic but I know that you have gone through situations no one should ever go through. You have dealt with issues a lot of people will never understand. You have emotional scars that might never go. You live in a world where sometimes you feel alone, forgotten and unimportant. You have spent more nights than you can count: crying, striving, being hurt to the extent of almost dying for the life you always wanted. You have always fathom when there is no lack of efforts from your end; then why these hardships??.

I know you are feeling like the million pound world is on your shoulder and you don’t know if you can hold it all. You don’t know if you are going to break or when you are going to break.

I know you feel like you can't do anything right. And at this point, you don't see how it will get better. You don't know if you can make it through another day like this. I know that no one knows how you are feeling because you are good at hiding things from people and sometimes you don’t even know yourself. You don't understand how or why you feel the way you do. But you also don't know how to feel anything else.

So I'm not going to tell you how you feel, or what will make it better, or to just keep your head up because none of that really matters. Instead, I am going to tell you how I feel now when I look back and remember about all these instances which make me feel low and put me down where I can’t even breathe.

I feel like you are a bright light in my life. Even though right now you may be in the darkest place that you could ever imagine, you need to know that you are the light at the end of the tunnel for me (I am standing outside of the tunnel with a trophy which will say “Yes! We did it again!). Right now you can count on your brother, he is matured than both of us till now and you should speak to him daily and share your stupid jokes and your day dreams and talk about the interviews where you got rejected today. He would not judge you, he still does not. He and I are your biggest supporter and your experience in life is something I can hold onto during my toughest days and your current suffering made me stronger.

I feel like you are one of the strongest people that I know and after this phase or many other phases in life people would look upto you because you would be the one who know how to handle pain and survive. The fact that you are feeling all of these things that you cannot define is terrifying, and yet you still manage to get out of bed and face the world each day. You paint a smile on your face. Whenever I recall our experience with the beggar,with my brother and friends;they still don’t believe, it seems impossible to them that we might have done something like that.

I feel like you thought that you and your problems are a burden to other people. You don't walk around complaining or even talking about your pain. Instead, you hold it all in, as not to annoy or worry anyone else. But I need you to know that I am here for a reason and you can find someone with whom you can share your feelings and they would understand it. When I tell you that I am here for anything you need, I'm not just saying that to be nice, I mean it. I know you would find your anchor in your brother soon. I expected one of our friends might bring us out of this mess but as you already know we are unlucky in this area. In future you might get good friends and people who would make you feel privileged.

As a friend I feel like I want to be here for you no matter what. It could be 3 o'clock in the morning and I will pick up my phone or answer my door for you. You can discuss about yourself with me because you would be able to make a better future if you just hang in there and do whatever it takes!

I have seen more world than you so you better listen to me; you have to be strong so you can support many people one day who might suffer the pain same as you are or even worse. So trust me when I say:

I promise you, it's not permanent. The sun rises every day to create something new, something wonderful, and you have to be a part of that. This world wouldn't be the same without you. There is a reason that you are here and there's a plan for you. A plan that you don't know about and I know it would work out well at the end. It is a surprise for you!

This is a big world with so much to see : so many things,inventions, developments, places and people to fall in love with, and you have to experience it all.

There's always going to be that little voice at back of your mind trying to bring you down, but have to learn how to silence it. Just think it through; you might be the best Biryani in the world and there is always going to be someone who does not like “Rice”.

Never let this disease and time define who you are.

And if you ever think you have no reason to be here, think of me. I need you here. I always have, and I always will. The stronger you are :the powerful I’ll be.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Yours,

Future that is totally dependent on you!

PS: Always remember at the end of the day, the only person who controls your happiness is you.

Tom & Jerry - My Partners since Childhood

As they say when in doubt always go back to basics for the clarity and clear your thought process. This quarantine pushed me to be at home for more than 90 days and these days were very crucial in my life as I have never spent so much of time sitting home idle. I have been suffering from mood swings, short temper, negative thought process and what not. I would not shy away with my responsibility of handling things as those might be better than the usual. I had tough time with my friends and family as I have shown tantrums and mood swings. To keep myself occupied I involved myself in writing and keeping distance to my loved ones except few. 

Keeping a low for more than 60 days I decided to redeem myself so I tried to go back to my childhood where the toughest decision was to identify ice-cream flavor or which cartoon to watch. I was so much involved in cartoons as I have few of my friends which are exactly like my cartoon characters and playing same role in my life.  In childhood my favorite cartoon was Tom and Jerry. Everyday I wanted to watch this cartoon for which I use to do all my homework and other work within the time frame. There were two main characters – Cat and Mouse. It was such a easy plot as every time Tom tried to catch Jerry. I thought it was very interesting. Also, there were a lot of funny situations that I remember well now. Of course, I like watching cartoons even now and I don’t agree that cartoons are only for children.

My favorite was Jerry and I like the way he put Tom is such a stupid situations. I felt sorry for Tom too but I loved those incidents. A significant part of my childhood has been spent watching cartoons, especially Tom & Jerry. Going down to that memory lane and trying to bring those incidents from which I have learnt very important life lessons. Tom & Jerry Wasn’t Just A Cartoon. It’s A Reflection of the Life & Struggles. The one thing I never really looked into was the philosophy of Tom & Jerry. Well, honestly, no kid does.  But today I believe this makes more sense.

This might sound cliché but that’s true and I will prove that via this post that a playful universe of Tom & Jerry is a reflection of all our real lives.

Tom and Jerry draws a brilliant analogy with the relationship we share with people in our life that’s called twisted relationship. Like few of my friends and few people they are hot then they are cold, they are yes and they are no, they are wrong when its right, they breakup and they make up. This sums up Tom and Jerry’s very twisted relationship.

The twisted friendship between Tom and Jerry draws a brilliant analogy with the relationships we share with people in today's world. That sums up Tom & Jerry's very twisted friendship just like all of our friendships. It also gives us an insight into our relationship with our close friends and siblings. Somehow, they never give up on each other even after going through the worse of the situations.

Haven’t you figured that our life is basically a maze with several blocks which is perfectly illustrated in Tom and Jerry. We encounter with the problem when we are least expecting them. The way Tom and Jerry creates those obstacles in the string of events which comes across as an identical situation of what happens to the best of us.

Who other than Tom and Jerry tells you that there is never a shortcut to success? There are instances in the show where Tom or Jerry try to take a shortcut to beat each other and then they end up pretty bad. This is a slight hint towards a bigger lesson that there is absolutely no shorter way to achieve what we really want in life. Take it or leave it. 

There will always be someone you will meet in your life who will make you feel 'small' or 'big'. Remember the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror thinking if you're good enough for someone or something? Honestly, I have felt that way too. We always believe that we are not that great than someone who is already present around you or that person might be existing in universe. We always tend to reflect more on our negatives than our positives and it is, in no way, your fault. This very fact is beautifully demonstrated through the characters of the show.

Your might is not measured in physical attributes and you are way bigger than you think you are. Period

The small can overcome the seemingly bigger and more powerful. It is a proven fact. But we forget and that is why we have Tom & Jerry who seem to scream this fact at the top of their voices throughout our childhood.

At last I would like to take a moment to appreciate the thought behind the creation of Jerry. A very small character with a conviction of the Gods. Life will constantly push you. Change is the only constant who other than Jerry can tells you that he upgrades himself with every move. I always wonder 

There are many ups and downs in Life. Don't worry, hang in there!

I remember one of those episodes where Tom signs on all his 'will papers' and is seen sitting on the railway tracks and one can hear train sounds. Tom says ,“In a few minutes, it'll all be over. It is better this way." You would be amazed to know the reason. It has to do with him falling for a Cat and his heart got broken. Now I understood that it was a display of a very week moment in Tom’s life, just like us who have got our heart broken at some point or the other. Mine was broken when I was in 3rd standard and I asked her to sit beside me and she denied (Yeah it was that intense). If you have recalled this episode then you would know that episode gives us a unique sneak peek into the deeply rooted friendship between Tom & Jerry drawing an imagery of our friends who are right beside us in the time of adversity or sad moments.

Every scar has a story

As you know crossing the obstacles will make you stronger. This is what Tom and Jerry stood for. No matter what happens, every scar is a story to tell and every experience is a lesson learnt. We keep rocking. We don’t quit!

Change your perception to look at a problem. Be a Game-Changer

One of the very important lesson to learn is the way they attack each other. Imagine if you are in a problem. You find solution A, then a B or C or D and you probably sleep on it. You ask people for advice and then you find a solution. It is all about looking at a problem from a different perspective just like Tom & Jerry who never seem to give up.

You will meet all kinds of people in life, some you will love, and some you will hate. Keep your friends and loved ones closer. We fight with our friends but we are always there for them, just like Tom & Jerry. Thank you all for being my Tom as I am Jerry who is fighting for life always and think that today is the last day of the life and always try to live the life at full speed. 

My Squad - The 2 AM Buddies

Its about time that I should write something about my friends and some of the people who are very special in my Life. I always feel privileged to be around them and sometimes I doubt if I deserve any of them. Knowing me they choose to be around and they show me the mirror at times and defend me when I am not around (I would like to believe that else I will kill him/her). They handle my mood swings, my crazy thought process and my sky high expectations from them (I am the one who give Gyan on not expect anything from anyone). Few of them do status call to check up on me and most of them are connected either via messenger or telepathy (We talk to each other when we get stuck and need each other’s help). They stay up late with me dissecting the meaning of life, motivate me to video call people and propose first girl on my recent calls, sometimes inspire me to improve myself, keep my secrets and they are the perfect ROI mutual funds where Risk is not subject to market risk.

Why I love them and want to keep them forever in my portrait of Life (Yes, I have this stupid portrait where all important people in life are there and posing). Everyone must have a friends like these. Now let me tell you why they are the closest to me and they know the actual version of me (I have split personality too). If you do not have such friends you are missing out. Here’s why (I will ask money from them for writing this):

They show me the Mirror (No Bullshit)

They say honesty is the best policy, I would say honesty is a sensitive thing. They will lie out of kindness to protect your feelings because they think friendship is more important than the truth. On the other hand the trust is invested where I can say they are not the people to play mind games or go behind peoples back. When you ask for advice, if they are your best friends they will cut the chase and without sugar coating they will say what is right. It is a painful experience and you might not be used to receive such brutal truth but you are happy because the intentions are good.

They Will Never Lie

They might go with Poker face and keep quite but they won’t lie to your face. You expect them to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Before someone can think or take this literally (we lie to each others in harmless manner), this only applies in situations when someone’s trust is on the line. If they are in the mood then you can get the whatever version of reality to they are experimenting at that point of time. They will play you like nobody’s business.

They will bring better of you

They will have big plans for the future and they enjoy strategizing about how to accomplish them. One of the great thing they provide in a friendship is a desire to constantly improve themselves and Hope to you and their focus at work is contagious. When they get to know that there is something you want, they'll provide a huge amount of direction and motivation to help you reach your goals.

They Get over Stuff

They would not hold a grudge and would love to end a fight. They will hold grounds on intellectual fights which you might have with them because those can impact both of the life. As per them holding grudge is a waste of energy and clearing things is new cool. Having an argument is quite an impersonal thing to a Rational, so even if he initially blows up, the relationship should soon go back to normal with no hard feelings. (He'll/she’ll still think your logic sucks, though.)

One thing I can say for sure just don’t expect forgiveness if you seriously harm or betray your best friend. If he/she is sure that you are not worthy they will end the friendship.

He/She is your 2 AM Buddy

You need a shoulder to cry on, you need someone to talk about your ex. You need to do brainstorm they will be there for you. I have 3 guys, 1 brother and 1 Girl on my speed dial for such crises. They might not enjoy small talks and I have never talk to them formally if my memory serves me correctly but when you have deep discussion about politics, corona or why earth is round then they are the best in business. I use them as Devil’s advocate to challenge my ideas. They are just awesome and you can be you without being judged.

They are your bank locker

If you do not want to discuss your personal life, they are perfectly fine with that arrangements and if you want to discuss issues then you can be vulnerable they will hear you out and suggest one idea or two. They are not interested in exposing your secret. They keep their softer side closely guarded and expect others to do the same.

Over share and you won't regret it, though. Your true friend will understand how hard it is to open up and make yourself vulnerable to someone – they would never abuse that trust.

They set you Free and rescue you in crises

If you choose to be off the radar for few months or ignoring every social engagement then you best friend will accept that with open heart. (I do most of the time, I think Time is precious and I am giving that to someone I care so it’s worth it). They’d prefer it if you both gave each other the freedom to come and go as you please. A good friend will check in with you if it's been too long, but they'll never put demands on you or insist that you hang out or put a condition which you need to follow. There's no codependence in this relationship!

No matter what you're struggling with, they'll encourage you to see all sides of the situation and recognize that there's always a way out. It's all about perspective.

They are Crazy and exact opposite of normal people

They won’t make friends because they are supposed to but they make friends because they choose to. If you are friends with this type which means you are interesting and you are valued. You are a trusted member of a pretty exclusive club. It takes a lot for them to invest in a friendship, and a lot more to scare them away once they've made that investment. They'll take you as you are with all your trait and craziness, and they won't get embarrassed if you're operating outside of social norms

I have very few friends and people whom I can trust and can take bullet for them. For me being in my elite group means a lot to me. It’s a promise that I will be there with you to the bitter end and we can laugh post the dust of uncertainty gets settled. Always remember if someone tries to hurt you trust me I know where to bury dead bodies too (Just Kidding). Thank you for being there with me.

Leap of Faith - God is Great

Let me start this post by admitting that I was the one who was an atheist some point of time. Then suddenly something happened and everything has changed. My trust and faith got restored and started to believe in someone who can control things like nobody’s business. I always trusted the supreme power and try to know God by reading books and listening to people and by consuming knowledge which was easily available to me. I had my life which was nearly perfect as I stopped complaining and was compromising on the entire front. Suddenly something happened and my belief in me got shattered and I was looking for an anchor by which I could came out from those moments and I can get time to think and rethink. Then few people and God came to my rescue, to have faith in God or someone is too believe unconditionally although there is no evidence of His existence. That was the reason I have faith in people along with have in God.

I believe why God can be better than people to have faith because He won’t judge you on the basis of your ideas and your situation. That is the reason people also turn to God to ask for guidance when facing a challenging situation. One of the recent examples where I have perfectly planned everything and have initiated the process to execute the things the planned way but things didn’t turn up well and it failed miserably. Now I have no one but me to blame. I have wonderful people around me who have more faith in me than I have. They keep giving me gyan and all those stuff which can work as medicine to my short comings. In reality I failed and I was not able to understand what went wrong then I took help from books and I realized if a human being can have full control of the situation then he might think that he can do anything and that anything can bring over confidence, false ego and control issues. So that person should have something to keep him grounded then God comes in picture in His weird ways to get things done.

So next time when this person will plan anything, he will be humble and will accommodate the God’s will in his plan. As they say it’s already planned by the master of the universe. If this person will fail again then he will be able to accept that as God’s will. That is the reason faith in God is very important for everyone. Praying can also have the affect of relieving stress, once someone has prayed they might feel that it is in God’s “hands” and allow them to handle the situation easier now that they have a sense of relief.

In my opinion we must have faith in God and follow these points in order to keep faith in almighty.

• If you are yet to find God, trust me there is no time in life to wait around for answers or trying to guess true meaning of life. He is the only way to lead you to your destination.

• I must say have faith in God, be true to yourself and others too. Hard work and fairness will get you far and if you have faith you will overcome everything

• Vivekananda says that the right word for faith is Shraddha. Shraddha cannot be defined. It is the catalyst for realization. So faith is the catalyst for realization which in turn is the realization of god. Everyone comes with a seed of faith that we nurture. As Krishna says in the Bhagavad gita “he (the consciousness) who nurtures these values with supreme faith knowing me Krishna to be above all. He is dearest to me”

• You should be thankful to God everyday as you wake up everyday healthy and it’s a privilege denied to many. Trust God even if you fail at something you are doing. Learn from your mistakes, pick yourself up and try again. Ask Am I happy at what I’m doing in my job and life.

• Always try to look on the Brightside of the life and never give up on your dream. Keep the oil of faith burning and be grateful no matter what.

• Be passionate about anything you do. If you find that you are living your life and are not passionate about it then do the changes in your life. Do not wait for anything take a bold leap of faith and it will pay off. Choose to be Happy!

• Live fearlessly and love with all your heart. Find a purpose that would last, one that can have impact on people or society. Live with a grateful heart, and love the people that come your way.

• Listen to your gut feelings and pursue what you love most. Ignore negative situations and don’t let it overwhelm you. Be positive and have faith in the universe. Respect others equally and enjoy life even during hard times, strive to see the positive of all situations and have fun. (Easier Said then done)

• I would say that you only have one life, and with it being such a short time period, you need to make the most of everything you do. Set goals, accomplish them and celebrate the little things in life.

• Always follow your heart and your passion. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you cannot do something. Family and faith should always be 2 things that you can count on. Always love and respect yourself before asking someone else to.

• Believe in yourself, have compassion for you and others and build a good foundation of faith and self-esteem. That will help you in times that are hard and could shake your hope for a better future. Stand firm in your beliefs.

Faith has great importance in the religious and spiritual realms. Faith may be difficult to prove through scientific experiments, but its presence can often be felt in our everyday life. The popular saying, “Faith can move mountains” is quite true and there have been various examples of this. People overcoming their disabilities, people making a comeback after losing everything, people working for peace and society’s welfare, are just a few examples of how faith can move mountains. With good intentions, and faith in your abilities and God’s guidance, you can achieve anything you want.

Heal Your Partner from their Heart Break - Relationship

As they say if you fall in love the second time always go for the second option because if the first person was good enough for you then you won’t be able to fall for anyone. I hate to admit it that most of the time I judge people or character basis my perception and knowledge of the situation. Since childhood I was told that if you are good you will be encountered with good people in your life. Till now I am unable to prove this either right or wrong. When people leave a place to other place they carry all the memories of that place along with the stuff which was useful for them at that point of time. Emotional attachment is the reason for carrying those belongings. I still remember carrying love letters, audio recordings and greeting cards from my earlier relations (yeah all these were used to be in physical format). Carrying them was a hardship for me mentally and physically and I was so attached to these things that I stopped looking brighter side of the life. I always compare each situation with my earlier shortcomings or bad decisions.

I knew what needs to be done but what about this baggage and emotional attachments I am carrying which I loved at that point of time. I was sitting with a road side person (don’t tell my Mom or anyone for that matter) and having the fun of my life and he has asked me one day that he got a better place for begging which is very far from that place and he has to pay INR 100 daily for that place. In existing place he used to give INR 50 and earn 3 to 5 hundred everyday and he was there for 10 years. When I asked that what will happen to this place. He replied that is not his problem if he wanted to reach somewhere then he has to leave from a place completely else he won’t reach. This was eureka moment for me and I came back home and burned all the physical evidence of my toxic or beautiful or mutually exclusive relationships. I know most of you won’t feel it but trust me I find it comforting and I was able to concentrate on my job hunt ( yeah I was jobless  too at that point of time).

It’s the same way in partnerships: romantic or friendly. And what do you do when your new lover/friend has an extra full cart with scars of previous relations and bad memories along with broken thought process. Lets assume the worst case scenario if your partner barely made it out of their previous relationship with their sanity or worse. Then trust me knowingly or unknowingly it’s a source of conflict in your new relationship. Here is few tried and tested (few of them might be in testing phase by someone else too) points to be considered with a disclaimer that I am not a expert:

Patience of the Buddha

Patience is the key to everything. In any relationships there are the issues which you can see and few of them you cannot see and most of the time you assume because you are afraid to ask. Asking someone who is still reeling from the conflict and other attachments to be patient is a glorious thought but not realistic. You might get yourself blocked out from the scenario. So if you are the one with objectivity and holds the responsibility to be there in scenario then set firm boundaries and love unconditionally (even if you are yet to ask her out).

How many times have you experience this: “hey, you have told that you would call me and reach for dinner date around 7 and now its 8 or you did not even call me to tell that you wont be able to make it or you did not drop a single message.”

Now you are on a cross road where you can communicate in a neutral tone or fight about thousand other things. Trust me its always important to get their side of the story with empathy and compassion. Let’s say in this scenario your friend/lover has shown this more than once and the reason was that they were out with friends and lost the track of time. In this case you must say that you value his/her friends and are completely comfortable that they are having a good time too but instead of just being angry you should ask her/him to value you the same way. If you just show the anger then it will become an issue instead of the problem that you felt left alone.

Don’t buy in

Buying word used in casino where you have to invest certain amount to sit on a table to play. So in same manner just don’t buy in with considering all the aspect about your relationship. You must not make a mistake about it as frustration, anger, control issues along with trust issues all stem from unresolved hurt and pain. Most of the time in a new relationship it’s what your partner fears that you will do based on their experience with others.

You new partner may overreact one day when you say that you are going out with your friends. A common response from me would be to get pissed off, leave and deal with fallout later. I wont recommend it that why this post come in existence. You need to ask what is the reason and most of the time they have a fear that you might found someone else and will cheat on them. Its about feeling insecure and this feeling comes when you think your partner is more dynamic than you. You have to make them feel comfortable as they’ve got to find a way to trust you and you’ve got to find a way to be trustworthy. The road goes both ways. It’s necessary to take a risk and be honest even if it means your partner decides they want to go another direction.

Look at yourself first

It’s always easier to see problems in others than seeing yourself. But you can not help someone else if you haven’t been able to help yourself. So first of all instead of being a counselor you must sort your issues first. I always believed in that and till the time I am clean and ready to move forward I wont go for the next step. I think if you go ahead with broken thoughts and feeling along with no clarity to the coming future then you are destroying multiple lives.

For me Love means being ready, prepared and able to see and fight your deepest pain or joy and to accept it head on. Sometime Sometimes helping another means letting them witness your vulnerability, your trust, your joy, and your pain. Showing them how it is, instead of telling them how it should be. Love while you can and be truthful with the rest.

Let go of ‘perfection ‘You are not Amir Khan

Lets admit that being human is great thing in this universe but we are far from perfect. The basic problem with perfection is that it will overlook the fact that you cant be perfect at everything. When you were busy in achieving perfection in one area the other area would be suffering at the same point of time. When you put your perfectionist hat you are going to cause trouble in your relationship. If you are still not able to understand then let me say in more polite manner that explore how your need to be perfect or right might be affecting your relationship, then loosen the hold and open up to enjoying your forgiving, fun, honest, imperfect relationship. Trust me the most memorable moments in life are those which are not planned. I always miss the morning coffee which was not at all planned and perfect and even I hate the taste of the coffee sometimes but the moment was awesome and that is still fresh in memory lane.

Don’t be a Judge

They say it’s not over till it’s over, and I find it to be true. Assume a scenario where your partner still suffer or have strong feelings about their previous relationship then you are entering into her/his life as a third party (Sounds Bad, I know) when it comes to energy and emotions. Read it carefully which I am about to write, don’t be jealous as that third party its important for you to truly understand both side of the dynamics. As they say when you do not know the type of the knot how will you going to open it.

As the heading suggests don’t be a judge as you are going to encourage your partner to talk about what happened and for you to listen to what’s being said and what’s not being said. In a relationship like this it is important to be willing and able to put yourself in both positions and consider what you would do, in that manner you have clear understanding of the mechanics. I didn’t say it would be easy.

It’s easy to accept that the way you feel and the things you believe are normal – they may be, but that doesn’t mean they’re working for you. There is always the possibility for a new kind of normal. Old wounds have many ways of stealing into relationships. They can disrupt a connection; prevent a connection from reaching take-off. When you are willing to take a leap of faith then everything is beautiful. Love will heal you in longer run as Love is the answer for all the pain. Trust me the day will come when the walls need to fall and the armor needs to soften. Till the time Hang ON! She is worth It!

Traits You will Get in a Libra - Zodiac Sign

As they say, empty mind is devil’s workshop and when a over thinker moves towards self quarantine then it will become a deadly weapon. In this post I will write my experience with two of my most favorite people in my life and cause of them I have interest in astrology and palmistry. Both have mood swings like no other and I am still trying to know both of them like a school going kid. Fortunately both of them share the same Zodiac sign which makes this post must to write. Before I move further I would like to call this post as my first paper for the PHD, I am doing on someone.

As a cardinal air sign, a Libra’s personality is very much about relating to others. They are often considered the nicest, most charming people in the world and they are the favorite of almost everyone they meet. They have a tendency to be magnets for people, drawing many people to them. They are attractive; this has already been deeply established in the Zodiac. They often want things to go smoothly, they can stir up a lot of controversy with their attitude and their behavior at times (I guess both of them would not agree).

One most important point that Libras cannot be rushed and they demand space whenever they feel pressured or crowded.  They are, however, not opposed to putting pressure on others, and often think that it will add to their characters. Libras tend to very outspoken and their views at times can rub a lot of people the wrong day.

Have you ever wondered what is it that makes Libra tick?

Those of us that a born under the Libra zodiac sign are often known for having logical minds and fair judgment but there’s also a lot more to the Libra sign that many people have no idea about.

If you see them closely then you will understand that they are really special and very few people have strong traits like them. Please find the few of them below:

They are very charming, charismatic and romantic souls

These people are charismatic. This Quality gives them the ability to win everyone’s heart with their charming attitude. They are always in front when it comes to popularity and everyone wants to be their friend. So you need to think twice before you contradict them trust me most of the time I just surrender to avoid the conflict. They have long lasting impression on others as they are blessed with inner beauty and outer charm and you can just envy their personality (I do at times).

If they love someone or something, they will go to the ends of the earth to show their love and trust e they can win anyone over with their sweet talk. It is advisable not to play with their emotions because it is real. With their ability and personality to sweet talk, it is hard not to fall for them, but once you do, there is no way you regret it.

They are honest, Calm, emotionally intelligent 

As I told I have a lot to talk about this sign so combining all the traits which are self explainable, Libra will surely stand for “Honesty is the Best Policy”, they are very honest and they stick to the truth and they won’t be badmouthing you behind your back. Since they are honest with you they expect the same courtesy in return (This expectation everyone has but few of them get that). They are not among those who escape from the situation after committing some wrong doing.

They are known for their calmness and they never lose their temper (I know one of them never loses). If they do, you (This should be me) have done something which exceeds their limits. Their relaxed attitude allows them to have more friends than enemies.

They have a firm hold on their emotions. They do not go around pouring out their anger or worries on other people (Sometime I want them to do). They are aware of their surroundings and will try their best not to make a scene. One of the best qualities which I like about them is their empathetic nature – they will not judge you! You can trust them with your secrets and you can cry with them (One of them is pro at this)

Creative Minds and love challenges

Having creative mind helps them a lot especially in the real work setting in the industry they are into. These people happens to be one of the biggest daydreamers you will ever meet (I know both of them will not agree and might kill me for this) and at times they refuse to face the reality. They have deep thinking that is the reason their extreme imaginations get difficult to execute. My advice would be that they must learn to avoid prolonged decision and be quick thinker in life. 

Let me quote a scene from “Titanic” where the Hero asked the heroin “Where to Miss?” the Heroin who must be Libran replied, “To the stars”. This is the limit of Libra’s imagination.

These people are naturally competitive in nature. Challenges in life are the most common part in their life, they like to accept challenge and challenge others too. Trust me they can do anything to win the race. This is my personal experience that this quality (To win the race) in even the smallest tasks of their everyday lives, the way these people takes every single competition as the question of life and death. If you are in their team, you have to keep up the pace and seek help from God to match the pace.

Very Optimistic and Problem solver (Life Hacks)

When it comes to achieving their dreams and goal, failure can not stop them. They do not get settled before attaining perfection. Their positive thinking and God loving nature allows them to try till they succeed, they never give up. Trust me their positivity is contagious too.

Believe me or not, Libra’s have answers to everything. You have a problem they will come up a solution which will suits to everybody. If you ever have a problem, do not hesitate to ask. For all we know, they probably have the answers to Corona problems too (This is not sarcasm, If they think they will have) not vaccine of course. I will look forward to know the Zodiac sign of the scientist who would discover vaccine for Corona.

If you are depressed or are going through a difficult situation always ask a Libra for advice.

Easily Get Frustrated

They get frustrated when they have to deal with a negative person who do nothing but criticize them and poke holes in every single idea that they have (Personal experience, you have to deal with wrath of Titans). They would like to hand out with people who have “can do” approach to life and will keep social distance to the people who constantly try to bring them down. As they are very careful with their moves this is the reason why they get offended by other people’s rough behaviors. So my advice when you are with these people, make sure you watch your behavior (I am forced to write this else they are very sweet people: P)

Decision making might be an issue?

Most of the Libra’s are extremely annoying because of their nature of giving too personal remarks, without even knowing that they already hurt someone. I would consider this as a negative trait in this sign. Making their own great decision can be very difficult for these people and it is even harder to learn in their mistake. However, they can always win the situation by utilizing their rational mind and accurate intuitions.

They can hurt people most often but get the score settled easily

If I have to write this I would say these individual don’t have control over their anger, you can call them short tempered. They hurt others most often but as they are the nicest people in Zodiac, this is the reason they recover their quarrels easily. I am told and would like to believe that They can get very high in anger but never keep anything in the heart.

I think this post can become the longest I have ever written so bringing this to an end.These people are strongly motivated, optimistic and competitive and their traits are unique from others. Surely not all Libra’s possess all these traits but you will definitely find this quality in the depth of their personality. They like to deal with the situation as they come.

No wonder they are always positive! Don't you think they're just great?

11 Traits You will get in a Cancerian - Zodiac Sign

At first you deny it then you entertain the idea of it and finally you will become addicted to it. I was one of those people who did not believe in Zodiac sign and astrology. Being God’s favorite child, I was inspired by someone to check the same and I thought there was no harm in reading this stuff. Now it is the time when I can’t spend my day without reading my horoscope along with that person horoscope (just to check if everything is going to be okay between us that day). This quarantine period bring the worst out from me as I decided to write again and this time I decided to write my experience with some of the signs and I will start from myself (Obviously this is my blog) and trust me Badal has forced me to write this post as he believes that my posts are not balanced and it has hidden messages for a single person.

If you have the opportunity to have a Cancerian in your life then I think you are sorted for life if you get to know them well (I know its difficult). Cancer Zodiac may be known as over thinker, sensitive and family oriented sign but the only reason why Cancer make such awesome people because they are caring and emotionally challenged. Here are the 11 reasons to identify a Cancerian around you:

1. They can read your Mind, not literally

There are chances if something is bothering you, your Cancer knows about it before you can bring it up. As they say, Cancers are lead by their instincts and they take the right decision at an opportune time (I know few of you might not agree with my current situation). If I have to explain further, they are the people who understand people by patterns and if something is odd then they would be the first to know.

2. Good Listener – you can say whatever you have to say

Cancers are very sensitive and compassionate listener. When you are talking to them they will try to get into your shoes and see the problem from your point of view. If you are having a bad day at office, in relationship or having any personal problem which need to vent then you can trust a Cancer. Cancers are best of friends (Even they have less friends) and they usually give off an aura that makes you feel more comfortable.

3. They can fix things

Cancerians are known to fix issues and have a knack of coming up with prompt solution and are usually problem solver. As they say Cancerians are neither too technical nor too emotional. They know (if they know or want to know) when to listen to their heart and when to listen to their brain. It is to believe that a Cancerian will not only give the most practical solution to your problem, but will also solve most of it for you.

4. A great sense of humor

This one is my favorite trait and most of the time people took me wrong for my weird (They call it not me) sense of humor. Cancers have the ability to laugh at themselves when they are wrong and they don't mind being the butt of a good, smart joke for the sake of fun, and they're willing to look foolish to get a laugh. If you like clever, thoughtful humor, hang out with a Cancerian. You can sense sarcasm most of the time. Let me close this point by saying,” I am not Sarcastic, My humor has an attitude”.

5. They speak their Mind – Can be Manipulative 

Cancers speak of their mind and won’t be afraid to give their opinion on anything or everything. They will hold up if they give priority to a person/ relation than the opinion which is being asked. Else they’re the kinds of people that will tell you exactly what is on their mind without any kind of filter… even if it’s not pretty. Whether or not you want to hear it, if you NEED to hear it, a Cancerian will say it. Eventually everything would make sense to you too.

6. Cancers are very strong and independent

Cancers might have a reputation of being insensitive or emotionless but they are very sensitive and you should not make that mistake for thinking that they are weak. My dad has told me once that Your Zodiac sign like to surprise people via their efforts and they might go an extra mile to solve something for anyone. In relationships, Cancers are more willing to work through problems instead of giving up and when they give up there is no going back mentally.

7. Cancerian is a supportive and encouraging companion

If I have to compare Cancerian to any mythological Character I will relate it to “Karna” because of their support and companionship. Cancers will support you unconditionally despite of whether you are right or wrong. They would always know what to say to make someone feel better and are great at giving advice that is actually helpful. Cancers hold all their intimate relationships close to heart, which makes them very dependable regardless of what situation they encounter. 

8. Keep you from making bad decisions

Cancers are antidote to the situations where you have “I really shouldn’t have done that” moments. You can avoid that having a Cancerian around you. As far as they love to explore and listen to the ideas even then they are extremely rational and thoughtful when it comes to their decision. Cancers will game of anything but they will draw a line when a situation is potential harmful. When it comes to express they might hold back as they do not want to be a part of the other persons bad decision.

9. Ability to know if you’re being ‘fake’

As they say, if someone is honest with you they expect the same courtesy in return, this is true in case of Cancerian. If you are being fake or they identified you as fake then they will have no time for you. They will move away from your life and you would not be able to identify that transition. They can get inside your heart and mind in no time but not misuse your weaknesses.

10. Cancers are very caring

If astrology to be believed, Cancer is the sign that represents motherhood, hence they have a strong maternal instincts and empathetic by nature. They treat being a best friend like a full time job and they are willing to go above and beyond for the people they love. If you look up “Best Friend” in the dictionary, you would see a picture of a Cancer right next to the definition (This one is for Badal).

If you are close to a Cancer and feelings are mutual then you are family and the family-oriented crab will likely do just about anything for you. You can mess with Cancers, but never mess with their friends or family.

11. They might forgive, but never forget

Cancers are generally pretty easy going sign in their approach to life and they don’t complicate things and take life on a lighter note but don’t mistake that for thinking that they will just allow people to walk all over them. Cancer always tries to treat the people like they way then want to be treated but if somebody violates their trust and privacy or wrong them in some way that they simply can’t forgive. They will be sure to put you in your place in the way that only Cancer can… well they can hold a grudge for a long long time and they aren’t quick to forgive betrayal.

There were many other traits and qualities with the said Zodiac sign but only creative ones got the space in list. Trust me when I say this all Cancerians cannot be the same as their mind and deeds will impact their life and they tend to change. End of the day you born with a Sun Sign but you end up building yourself basis your deeds which is called “Karma”. All these qualities might not be available in all Cancerians and all cancerians can not behave the same.

Perfect Date Ideas - Lets decode it

So we always struggle in our life to find out the perfect plan to spend some quality time with our loved ones or love interest or your potential boyfriend. Whether you’re currently in a relationship or thinking about going back out into the world to find that perfect someone, you would need some time to understand your partner. Then we have a tough time in planning the perfect date and if the planning needs to be done by a Guy (Specially me) then it can turn out to be a disaster in no time.

You need to come up with a good date idea, make sure everything goes smoothly, and still you have something interesting to say while you’re together unless you are sucker in talking like me or you have a person who is too good in communication. This can often be difficult, they are essential.

Let me start with saying that I am no expert in planning dates and giving away ideas but I believe we must consider few points before planning anything for your girl. Otherwise pray to God that your partner should be someone who can plan this for you and you can have relax stress less life and be habitual with those taunts which you will listen throughout your life (If she thinks you might be the one).

Let’s take a look at a very simple formula that will ensure a perfect date every time.

The Meal

The food connection is very important and as I love food so I thought this would be the first point in this list. The meal is the time that the two of you sit down together and have an opportunity to talk to each other. It’s a great time to learn more about her and ask a lot of questions and listen carefully (Have patience and do not stop her in between).

What would you eat is really dependent on who the girl is and where you are in the relationship. You must figure it out basis her choices. Here are few pointers for picking up the restaurant:

      • Quiet is better

      • An Awesome View (it works)

      • Tables are better

      • Always pay the full tab (You are the one who is taking her out)

Find ways to engage with each other

The activity is the second fundamental component of a date. It can be almost anything as long as it involves the two of you being active together. The worst thing you can do is go through all this planning an then spend all your time on your phone or you get involve on small talks in which either one of you are interested in.Find ways to interact and engage with each other. For example, if you are heading out to a restaurant, try coming up with some unique conversation starters to ask each other. 

Second, any guy can take a girl out to dinner. Being able to combine a good meal with a fun conversation is an art. This is where you tell her you’re not like the other guys she’s been disappointed with. It shows her you are fun and will keep her interested.

Focus on Her means put away the phones

The best part about any date is that quality time. So, to maximize that time together, eliminate all distraction. Put the phone on silent or Do not disturb so you can get emergency calls. Some of the cases it is very difficult to get it executed when the girl is workaholic in that case practice patience.

As we are talking about distractions, so if you are in a restaurant, make sure you stay away from TV’s. Even just the announcers and people cheering in the background can take away from the moment. Even if only for a few minutes, that dedicated focus can be so powerful in helping you both connect with each other.

Find out Who She Really Is

Let’s admit that on the first very few interactions and conversations are almost fake. You are both on your best behavior as you maintain eye contact, sitting up straight and taking about non-controversial subjects. You judge each other royally. So basically when you start your conversation with her where you are both able to relax a little and see who the other person really is. This is because you are allowing the person to see through you so that person can decide if she can trust you or she is in interested in you.

These conversations will tell you a lot of the things you want to know about her:

      • Is she fun and can understand your Jokes?

      • Does she have trouble letting her hair down?

      • Do we enjoy being friends with you?

      • Do we able to trust each other and formalities are not there?

      • Are you guys comfortable in talking anything with each other

If you have been in the relationship for a while, you may already know the answers to some of these questions. Let’s not over think it…

Collect memories

Personally I am not good at collecting memories as I get too much involved with the person that forget to click pictures and mark it as a date to remember. When we go to the mountain and into the woods throw away your camera into the lake as I won’t need pictures to remember the moments we create. I believe, when we close our eyes those moments will come in front of you like a picture and those would be perfect. But these might not work for you guys so don’t forget to collect memories! Whether it’s a photo of you both, a little souvenir, or some other memento, having something to look back on can help remind you of those feelings!

Start creating those memories now! You’ll be glad to have them years down the road when you can look back on them and smile.

Few Tips which might come handy

Below are the tips which can be useful and they’re what will get you a second date or keep your long term girlfriend interested.

Music : Music sets the mood. Trust me and if you both have same taste in music then that experience would be beyond words. If you’re somewhere quiet, play some music that matches the mood you want for your date. Even if you are on a road trip music would the vital which will set the mood right.

Flowers : Someone has told me once that there is not a woman alive that doesn’t like flowers. Roses are romantic, but are a little bit played out. Try something different like orchid or lily. I might write some point of time the color code of the expression but for now avoid yellow and that color over signifies friendship.

Privacy : This is not a hard and fast rule as it varies from situation to situation. For example, you don’t want to go to a restaurant where you are the only couple and you don’t want to be in a bar full of people and not be able to hear each other.

Calmness : This is more a mindset than anything. Like most things in life, you can not plan a perfect date and expect everything will fall in place the way you want it to be. Always remember that moment with your loved one is important and rest of the things do not matter. So, be flexible and change things around if needed. The dates that don’t go perfectly are often the most memorable.

Put It Together

There are few more ideas which you can consider as a date for your special person:

1. Pack a picnic and take her for a light hike

2. Go for a road trip to a fun restaurant

3. Go to the zoo and eat at a local burger joint

4. Cook her dinner and Netflix or movie night (This is my favorite idea as I love to cook food for the person I love and care)

Let me close this post by saying that planning is good to give your loved ones the perfect experience. Trust me when you know that your partner is right and feelings are mutual then everything around you will fall into places the way you want them to be. 

If you have any other ideas than these please share with us. It will help in improving my knowledge too!