International Women's Day - Late Post

In this progressive society and an era of social media it amplifies messages and allow them to reach the places where generally we might not able to. In recent times, we tend to celebrate all the days which are dedicated to some instances or people but I believe most of the time it was a forced gesture. One of the example I can take and some of us might feel offended too. International Women’s Day is on 8th March and I am sure your Insta and FB feeds would be filled with photos and quotes which will talk about Women empowerment and freedom. It might be my own feeling but we tend to forget the same in real life where you should appreciate women in your life as and when you get a chance. Sometimes you might not get the chance before its too late.

Think about your life and women you know. Think about the mother’s, the wives, the daughters, the sisters and your female friends, think about how they show up always when you are in need irrespective of their own stress and problems. Even if they are exhausted but they will still find space to carry the burden of others. I asked sometimes, is it required? Why cant this person says why I am the one who always have to understand? The answers which I found (not all) is that’s how they are programmed to be. People who know me, they can vouch that I keep on saying that I always need a Women support to function in my life and when it is not there I go on destruction mode. It applies to my personal and professional front too. I was contemplating a lot before writing this post because of following issues:

1. Some names I can not write here as they have their own struggle in life to deal with

2. Some names might not know that they got a Fan

3. Why would I share my secret list of Super Women who helped me throughout success (some of my Friends would take some name here who caused lot of dent) and failures 

We keep saying women’s are strong and they have power to change the world and we have never thought that these thoughts/statements put unnecessary pressure on them. Sometimes I believe they take decision basis influence from the surrounding and to please people just to prove a point that whatever they are saying I am validating that or not. In my opinion, validation is not at all required as my Boss’s Whats app status say “True thinking is free from fear”.

I have been told my posts are very long to read so I am just coming back to the point which I was trying to make. Listing down 6 Women in my Life because of whom I am what I am currently in a positive manner.

My Mother: I wanted to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude for all that she has done for me throughout my life. She has been my constant source of love, support, and inspiration, and I am so grateful for everything she has done to help me become the person I am today.

From my earliest childhood memories, She has been there for me, guiding me through life's ups and downs with unwavering patience and kindness. She has always (almost excluding some beatings) believed in me, even when I doubted myself, and her encouragement and support have given me the confidence to pursue my dreams and to become the person I am today.

Her unconditional (sometimes its too much responsibility for me to handle) love and selflessness have been an inspiration to me, and I am truly blessed to have her as my mom. Her unwavering dedication to our family and her tireless efforts to make our lives better has not gone unnoticed, and I want her to know how much I appreciate everything she has done for us. As they say the only Women who can change a Man with force is his Mom and no one else.

Thank you, Mom, for everything you have done for me. I love you more than words could ever express.

Co-Founder of a Start-up: On this Women's Day, I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude and appreciation for all that she has done for me as an individual and as a working professional. She is the reason for my understanding in payments and its impact in the business. She will remain one of the best people I have worked with apart from being my Mentor in my early days. As she speak out for the things she believes in, she is doing so with passion, empathy and authentic collaboration that embraces all voices and all people from all walks of life. 

A Lawyer: She has come in the life at a very inappropriate time when I was very busy in finding my professional way in life. She has helped me in getting the prospective where I learned that the decisions and judgements are passed basis perception. None can change the reality and you must always fight for the things which makes you happy. Society is just group of people who can not decide how you want to lead your life. The stint was very short and she was magical in all the aspect and I must say from Chaiwala to Tapriwala till date would recognize her voice. Recently I met her and now she is one of those people who are trying to make a world a better place.

A Drama Queen:  I always think that why people meet me in a very difficult or at a time whenever I am not in my best state. In other hand, may be my vulnerability make them enter in my life to support and pull me up so I can put the fight again. I was drowning in my own overthinking and diving to the lowest of my life personally then I met her and she was the one who makes me believe that if something is suffocating you then you have to pull the plug else suffering would never stop. We worked in many projects and I have been told that we were the best team, needless to say we proved that too. She is the one from whom I have learnt that if I want to order a Coffee in five star restaurant then I have to say “Hot Coffee” else they will bring room temperature coffee. 

My Official Boss: As a female leader in my current org, She has inspired me and many others in my team with her dedication, expertise, and guidance. Her leadership style is admirable, and her commitment to excellence is contagious. She has shown us that with hard work, determination, and perseverance, anything is possible. Her passion for work and for supporting our team has made a significant impact on our success. I would like to thank her for setting such high standard for me to aspire to. Her Leadership and mentorship have been invaluable to me and I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from her. You are not as burdened by the limitations and biases that held back innovative women of the last century. And you are strong, opinionated, important, and relevant! I was able to write all these because I know for a fact she wont get to read this. 

A Girl in Saree: Personally, I don’t like knowing people because its too much responsibility to handle and that is the reason I don’t have much friends but when I get to know people I cant stop myself to knowing them well. As I have written about this person in various post, she seems a breeze and a storm at the same time which need not to be controlled. A Girl with strong opinion on things and always wanted to do the right thing (according to society and her judgment) for which she can go to any extent. I have learnt from her that be open and receptive towards the change and you have to go out else people wont come to you. The funny part is she believes in destiny too (Difficult for her to understand this joke). Her courageous perseverance is critical at a pivotal time, and she would realize one day the true potential. I hope I would be there to witness that because even sky cant contain that kind of energy.

I have been privileged enough to work and be with my friends and colleagues along with my relatives. Some way or the other I have always learnt something from someone and for which I am very thankful. Sometimes these people irritates me too but if you want to learn from the best then you have to leave the rest. There are some special people who are incredibly kind and thoughtful and just by being there they just brighten my day.

As we celebrate Women's Day, I want to honor you and all the other amazing women who have made a difference in our lives. You have been a guiding light for me, and I am so grateful for your love and support. You got a FAN in me who is rooting for you One... Two... Three... Maybe so many of us fail to recognize or appreciate the power and energy you bring it because by the time we get to ten, we are already on to the next Big thing. Or exhausted. But we will reach there for sure!

5 Reasons why Online Dating is not for You

Its almost unavoidable today to separate dating and technologies. When you have friends who always keep you forcing to try one irrespective you tell them multiple times that its not meant for you. So I decided to dedicate this post for some fans of online apps (their B and A’s) and to make them believe that its not for me as I am old school hopelessly romantic person. I don’t fall in love with anyone because I am lonely or lost. If I fell in love with anyone which means after getting to know that person, I realized that I wanted to make that person a permanent part of my world.

These online websites are just a few medium that are changing the way we date and I am sure its not for better. Its like living in alternate universe where that person is behaving the way we want them to behave because there is no validation. In my personal opinion actions speak louder than words and in current scenarios anyone can pose as a person whom you are willing to go any extent. It is being advised to date old fashioned way and meet individuals via friends and take risks.

I have downloaded few of these (B & A) because I was forced and when I agree to something I do generally without giving a second thought. I also downloaded Bumble to see if my mind had changed about online dating. This is the first time in almost 7 years that I’ve been single after all. When I was exploring, it bothered me how these potential matches had everything so perfect and polished. Does this happen in real life? Then I took expert advice from me (Self talking is my forte) and concluded that it could be a place where I can be perfect where I can show the world what I want to be instead of what I am. Then I gone through almost 500 profiles and may be more and everything was just too good to be true. Being an analyst by heart I understood that these are not meant for me because I am not that desperate to be with someone where I can go just crazy by swiping right.

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer meeting new people in person, and you get to know about them without any agenda. You interact them with no hidden intentions and you know more about that person by observing not what that person is saying. Sometime, you just fall for the idea of that person being with you. I thought that would remove the anxiety of talking to random people and be someone who you are not beneath. 

Here are 5 reasons that online dating is not my cup of tea or Coffee and change my mind if you can:

Love can’t be timed! Love is to be lived (It just happened): I liked this quote from Money Heist and I think this blog is brand ambassador of this thought that you just fall in love without any thought of togetherness or any complications. Issues come when you try to control that love to be with you. One thing is for sure that you can not time love by taking subscription on some dating sites and get a expert to create a bio which can attract anyone in the world. Often the things we are most attached to have the habit of eluding us. Some times fear of being alone can blur your judgement of people and in the process we forget that not being with someone is better than being with a wrong person and realize after many years.

Wanting someone to love you for yourself, no matter what, is an plausible desire. Yet this type of love might still seem like the stuff of fairy tales and movies, not something most people encounter in real life. Unconditional love can provide a sense of security for you but in online dating is most insecure place it could be. There is always a possibility of someone who is 9/10 or 9.5/10 and even if you are with 9.5/10 you would remain insecure that there are so many other persons on internet who are catfishing for your catch. Feeling confident in someone’s love and knowing it won’t go away can help create secure attachments and autonomy, independence, and self-worth.

I have been married once (Read being in long relationship): I use to believe that relationships are not perfect, and you can do wonders by adjusting yourself with anyone who shares same interests as yours. My family got that arranged and I was in a relationship/marriage all by my choice and decision. Where I was trying to figure out that person day in day out and adjusting myself so this relationship could work. Even then living with that person and knowing her for 4 years I could not be able to understand or see that person when things were not so good in that relationship. I was barely able to make a judgement when chips were down, and my so perfect life was tearing apart. Out of desperation to make this work as it was my call to get married someway it took 3 more years get out of that mess which left scars on me. The point being that when I was not able to know the person when I was with her then how can I trust these people who seems so perfect online.

Meeting someone new is now a constant possibility. But this breakthrough at the level of introduction has masked an ongoing challenge at the level of ultimate purpose. We may have become easier to meet, but we are not any easier to love.

Unresolved issues and current emotions: these are very important step before moving to any relationship beat it online or old school. If you have not moved out from a past relationship, then it is already hard for you to connect with someone willingly. People around you may say that you are ready and you would like to believe that but deep inside you already know that you are still working on those and putting yourself emotionally at the right place. That’s when old school techniques comes where your heart plays the cupid and without knowing you get attracted to someone which helps you to find the right balance. This is nearly impossible in case of online dating. Sometimes your emotions and past learnings are so strong that you would never have an expectations out of anything and your emotions are just not in control when you are around someone.

I have experienced this. When you are connecting on every major topic and things are going all well because these thoughts are behind an internet connection and then you meet in person and everything you liked about that person evaporates before your eyes. That’s the gamble you take when meeting people online and for records I might not be ready for that. 

Its not a problem which needs to be solved by Algorithms: Algorithms are not magic which will help me getting a fairy tale soulmate right in my message box just like that. They will give you so many matches and the dating websites are designed in such a manner that you keep on looking and get more invested than you should. Not getting a correct match might make you more desperate and lonelier, it might make you feel that even technology is not able to help you (Laugh). As per me finding a person is not a super-fast process it happened eventually and first of all if you are single its not a problem to solve. You have to get your thoughts clear as why you want to be that way or what you want from your life and I must say being with someone is the most suitable option for anyone in long term. So Instead of putting your faith on algo or tech you must start feeling comfortable with your situation and try not to solve a problem of being alone.

People can fake Perfection (can cause emotional damage): I have learnt that fake it until you make it and this theory can work wonders in online dating websites. It is very difficult to tell if someone is genuine by just looking at their profile. What ultimately scares me about online dating is diving into the unknown and not knowing what to expect out of it. Admittedly, I’ve never been on a date with someone I barely knew. How do you even strike up a conversation with someone you found on a dating app and hang out with them to get to know them more? Also, how are people even sure they’re not talking to a catfish or worse, a serial killer (just being more dramatic)? If you fall for someone via internet then there would always be a fear of unknown because you might not be able to figure out how that person would behave when you are not around. I can say for sure because sometime just to avoid conflicts people say or agree to everything which can get them out of that situation. 

We forget that almost everyone is a charming prospect so long as we know nothing about them. Part of what it takes to be ready for love is to imagine the difficulties that we cannot, as yet, know too much about in detail; the bad moods that will lurk behind the energetic smiles, the difficult pasts that lie beneath the lustrous eyes, the twisted scares that reside beneath a stated love of camping and the outdoors.

After reading many similar likes, dislikes, and bios, people start to blend. When you can’t remember if you’ve already messaged that cute sushi-loving gal, online dating kind of sucks.

Still, I do admire those who can positively use dating apps and aren’t scared to meet new people. Online dating does sound like fun but it’s really not for everyone, especially if someone is emotionally unprepared to be disappointed by a person, they’d met through these dating apps. For my personal experience, I am not the Tiana who is willing to kiss many frogs before she can get her prince. I want to sit with the person even in dark if she fails to see the bright side of the life.

I have learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.

When you want to know where your heart is, Look where your mind goes when it wanders..!! Allow me to quote from HIMYM where Robin says “If you have a chemistry, you only need one other thing -timing… But timing is a B*T*H…!!”

Would I give online dating another try in the near future? I honestly don’t know. If I feel like messing around with it again, maybe. I’m in no rush to go on dates and get into a new relationship anyway unless it is being directed by my Heart and a pending Coffee date!

Crush Alert - An Open Letter to My Crush

I believe most of the time too many thoughts go unsaid because either situations are not positive, or you are tied up with some imaginary bonds. However, as they say you can create/see beauty in everything, if you stop feeling hurt and believe in the Magic. I always say, “do the favour to the universe and don’t hide your magic”. I come from old school where Love at first sight was a thing, and this right swipe technology can not beat that. Sometimes Love can be most unexpected thing in life which can destroy all your plans and you cannot understand the maths (When you involve maths then it becomes more critical hence the reference) behind it. I wrote about what we see in a girl to get attracted however this can’t be true all the time and sometimes you get attracted to the vibe (Magic) when you were least expecting it. It’s a contagious and you won’t get over it.

Personally, I always get attracted to broken souls, pain behind those smiles, Big eyes and hidden darkness which is expecting a light of hope. Somehow, I start feeling responsible to fix and understand those feelings (People say I don’t understand feelings and I don’t care about them) so I can absorb and understand other people prospective. When you start understanding the person by seeing the soul then there is no going back at least for me. It’s a trap for me and I always remain there in Love. Sometimes you cannot explain, what you see in a person. It is just the way they take you to the places where no one else can. It’s hard to get rid of the demons inside you because they were holding you once no one was there but it doesn’t mean you have to be there even if you get a chance to embrace light. Sometimes I am in love with the impossibility of us because being in Love is beautiful. That’s the reason I am too old for Internet Love and I believe in falling in Love.

I am sure by now you would have started to think what I am trying to say. I am having a mental block for almost 4 years as I failed to read a person with whom I had spend 7 years (3 years knowing I judged her well and 4 years thinking what to do and how to get out of it). In this journey for 4 years I have met few people who have helped me in coping up the situation apart from Family and brother from other mothers. Those people have worked magic in my life, and I fell for them unknowingly but never expressed because I always was either in wrong story or at wrong time.

Love. It truly is a magical feeling when it’s shared. Slow down. It takes time and, yes, it usually begins with a crush. That can be frightening because no one likes to feel rejected, and crushes can work both ways. I am sharing this letter so they can know how I feel about them and there would be many more people who would share my thoughts too (whoever have seen the magic). Just because people don’t vocalize things, they love about you or the qualities they admire, doesn’t mean you aren’t admired for all that you are. The second reason is to free myself by being vulnerable and I believe this is the best way. One of the most beautiful things in a person is emotional vulnerability, so why would I not use that to my advantage? Be the energy you wish to attract and live more in the uncomfortable. I hope one day I could say "Will you be my Valentine forever?".

Dear You,

I love your energy and vibe and I believe you already know that though. You know the last time I was easily able to see this when I was in 5^th Grade, and I admitted that I liked a girl. I have a crush on you or may be more than that because thinking about you makes me dizzy and all I get excited when I see you virtually or in person. I have been feeling this way for some time and I really don’t know how to say it and if I should say it because things are much better this way where I don’t have fear to loose you and I don’t want to find out if this revelation of feeling will change it. I have never told you these feelings because I don’t want to make things awkward. I am being the greatest overthinker alive and I know that you are too sweet to lose over something silly like the romantic feelings of me for you which are not mutual (I don’t know). I have always thanked my crushes for touching my life in such a beautiful way which made me a better person.

We were connected for the longer time and but not have known each other for the longest time but I know this for sure that I have feelings for you. Whether they may be of infatuation or actual love, I don’t know yet. The only thing I know that you are kind hearted, amazing, soulful and one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. I couldn’t bear to see you hurt. I would lose my mind.

Let me explain myself, my Cancerian friend says I always keep things with me and don’t express in person which is not correct. As per him you deserve to know (he doesn’t know you yet) and hear how truly amazing you are and it’s unfortunate that in this internet and app generation that letters like these are not written more often. First, you are hilarious, and I love that we can build off each other’s humour. It’s not your wit or intellectual humour because you are yet to reach there as training is in process but you are silly at the same time. When I started interacting with you, I couldn’t believe that how effortlessly you can be weird, quirky, goofy and childish at the same time. You seem like pure light which just reached the darkest places of my heart which was closed for more than years.  

I also love and appreciate that you are sensitive, thoughtful, and deep. My Mom is one of the strongest pillars in my life and she has taught me that strength is not how little you can allow yourself to feel and care about everything and be loving even you can be hurt. I love that you are strong like that too. I love that you get emotional and are not ashamed by that as you believe that crying is good for beauty. It is beautiful and inspiring and makes me feel comfortable letting my guards down. Around you, I feel safe and protected. I don’t know if I can say I have ever felt that way around anyone before. I love that you see and like me for who I am and what I love.

I really do think you are incredibly cute and trust me that is not why I like you the way I do. I like you for so many more important reasons than the way you look. I love the way you are and the way you make me feel basis your stupid ideas to spend my weekends (on B and A). You are kind, affectionate, silly and loving and most inspiring thing is that you are hardworking, have dreams, you are interesting and you are willing to fight for your dreams. I always have this fear if people going to like me for me, who I am, for my heart, with my broken soul and my darkness which kept me captive for the longest time. For someone to love me like that I can wait a long time, because I don’t believe there is anything more magical than true love.

I love you so much, and it’s not just a made-up thing. When I’m with you, I feel like everything is possible and that life is perfect. It’s as if God created you to make my world the best place for me to live. You know, I can’t describe the kind of happiness that I feel every time my cell phone beeps and received your message. You deeply warm my heart and soul with those messages that you send to me. Those messages inspire me in life.

I know you and I believe I don’t have much time and current circumstances and timings are not favorable for us. I don’t want to make things more complicated for us than they already are. Regardless of your feelings and even if this doesn’t work, I will always cherish this connection forever and keep these feelings valuable and private. The thought of you reading this letter and able to understand that you are the one I am talking about and feeling so loved, appreciated, and valued brings me nothing but happiness. You mean everything to me. I love you for who you are, and I would never change that. Your smile, your eyes, your voice. I love it all. When you laugh, I laugh, when you smile, you make me weak in the knees every beat of my heart is for you… Thinking of you brings a smile to my face, and your face brings sunshine into mine.

I have made myself understood that we might be those twin flames who make us better persons who can handle anything in life. That could be the reason God has put us on those paths and somehow, I got connected to your unperfect way of handling things perfectly. I will accept it someday. So just spending time with you is something I look forward to. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. I was so happy and inspired to see you always and almost every day is my happiness. Even though I know I am the only one feels that way. But it’s okay as I am not wishing that you do admire and care for me too. To see you is enough it brought smile to my heart. But unexpectedly I feel that there is hope between us.

Here is my favorite pickup line which I have used with 100% results might work on you “Hathi Naali me Bah nahi sakta, Main tumhare bina rah nahi sakta.”

Sincerely,

Me

What does it take to strike a chord in my heart?

The most debatable question of all the time “what does a guy look in a girl when they meet first?” How to be sure that she is the one? How guys hopelessly fall in Love without talking to a girl? How come one sided love came in existence where a guy loves a girl and girl is clueless all the time? How do we decide that she is the one? 

There are three steps (for me being a guy) to fall in love with a girl i.e. Appearance (Not Look and Beauty), Her Nature (Basis Observations) and Her Story (If we get to talk to her). If a girl passes these parameters then she got herself a secret admirer without knowing about it. 

Now there are two reasons to write this post, first being this is my blog, and I am authorized to write and second people kept on asking what do you look in a girl (they think I am expert here) or how can you decide that she is the one who has the privilege to break your heart (Happened me most of the time).

As we have lived in the era where movies and series have serious influence over our mind. However when you meet someone like her (Potential person) then your heart just says “she is the one”. Most of the time those girls even not know how influential their personality is which is affecting / inspiring so many souls. Sometimes its being loosely used that Guys always go for looks and beauty and trust me it could be one of the factors but are not the only factor. Well girls, men / guys are not s difficult to understand since they are very straightforward so you can easily decode those things which they notice about you day in day out. Sometimes we are even afraid to tell the same because “Thappad aur Rejection dono se dar lagta hai” and we have never thought ahead of this thought if this could actually work.

Here I am listing few interesting and may be surprising (I know we cant surprise a girl) things men notice about a women. These are based on my understanding and behavior and might not be applicable to even 90% of people (I know I am unique that way) but this would be an interesting read:

Those Eyes (Teri Aankhon ke Sivay dunia me rakha kya hai)

We (I) like to see through those big eyes from which we can see the soul as they say “eyes are the windows to the soul”. Those Eyes can tell us a lot about you even if you don’t talk or even don’t notice us. That is the main reasons most of the guys (not me) are very possessive about their girl because they know for the fact that yours eyes are real magnets that can attract and interest a stranger. Surveys have shown (When you add math's in post it becomes more authentic) that almost 75% of men pay attention to women’s eyes first and then to everything else. Secondly it is always easier for men to compliment about your eyes since women respond very approvingly to compliment about their eyes.

I am one of those stereotype who like those big childish eyes in which I can search the door of her heart (cheesy). Most of the time I zoned out if someone has those eyes because I prefer to have eye contact when I am talking.

A lot of information can be conveyed and received via eye contact, and any guy trying to get to know you will look to yours as a means of reading you (if he is good at it).

Killer Smile / Laugh (sathiyaa… Madhdham Madhdham Teri ye gili Hasi)

As they say a smile is contagious and that’s really true. Its not only a visible treat but sound of a good laugh can attract some of us (me for sure). Moreover, when you smile at someone it provokes a smile in return. A women’s mouth is often the first part a guy would notice not because of great lips or teeth but for social cues and trust me it is the most expressive feature a lady possess. A smile communicate to us in so many languages like “Hey there, you can talk to me” or “You can try but you have to really work hard for it” and “Get lost I am way above your league”. As an introvert person it affect me most of the time so I believe it must affect the next step a guy would like to take.

For me, A smiling woman is much more attractive as she sends the signal of happiness and optimism. Sometimes its easier to start a conversation with a smiling lady. I know its not so surprising but men always feel confident and more masculine with a smiling women. We (I) know which one is artificial smile and which one is natural that’s the reason sometimes we ask “All is well?” or “something is not right today”. The true sign of a sincere and natural smile is typical wrinkles around our eyes and I know because I practiced to smile a lot. My suggestions to all the girls, please smile more often since you never know who may be falling in love with your beautiful smile.

Can She Talk The Walk?

As they say actions speak louder than words the same way its very appealing for a Guy if that girl knows how to hold a conversation. Guys like me who feels difficulty in initiating a conversation and discussing the common topics then it become very necessary that she must have opinion about things which can bring us to common ground where we can put the foundation of the relationship.

The way she talks and the tone she uses to put her point forward. In few words if a girl who can hold a conversation is already attractive in a guy’s mind. For me she would be my 2 AM friend who can give opinion on some random thoughts which keeps me occupied all the time and she would be my conscious who can give me advice on the situation where I am stuck at times. 

The way She Carries Herself

They say that beautiful is something a girl needs to be but I believe instead of that she can be intelligent, interesting, witty, funny, sarcastic and 100 other things which she believes she can be. I think there are few things more beautiful than a confident woman and sometimes I will walk by a woman that radiates such confidence that I am automatically feel drawn to her energy. She must know how to carry herself whenever she is entering a room or a party. It is so attractive on a physical and nonphysical level. She must be strong and know who the heck she is.

Even if you aren’t feeling particularly confident one day, pretend you are. Carry yourself with confidence anyways. Men are attracted to women who know how to carry themselves.

Foot (First) Impression (Tumhare Pair Bahut Khoobsurat hain inhe jameen par mat rakho, Maile ho jayenge)

Okay, so its not a surprise anymore that some of the men love slim legs and they notice this about a woman. How she maintains her feet is another thing men notice and care about. In my opinion (I may be wrong) if a woman can look after her feet, she is someone who pays attention to details. I won’t write further as I do not have any intention to objectify something.

Her Sense of Humor

In fact this is the most important thing for me because I am being sarcastic sometimes which contains dark humor too. So I believe she should be the one who can understand these jokes and my pure intentions. You know it should not be our responsibility to make her laugh, we could expect the same from her. I hope guys are not expecting too much out of it lets say when we are having a bad day, she could try to make us smile with some humour or those tiny jokes and she must not give up until she knows that its fine. She must take life not that serious and even if she messed up something… so what? Make a silly remark and move on.

Ambitious, Humble and Her Refusal to settle for anything but the best

Everytime I see a woman actively pursuing her dreams and trying to get a better life for her and her closed ones. I always applaud that person and it find it very attractive myself because these qualities inspire me too. I want that person to know what she really wants and refuse to settle for anything less whether in a job, in a relationship, friendship or in life. I would be more than happy to change myself in order to alter my plans for her if she is so driven to become what she want to be. This may even mean to stand up for yourself and maybe even revaluate some relationships too. In my opinion everyone’s happiness is non negotiable so why not hers.

Needless to say confident and ambitious means cocky and sometimes people miss the difference. For me remaining humble is an essential part of knowing how to carry yourself. She can be more successful, most beautiful and most amazing human being in the world but she must not think that she better than others. That is being humble.

Sense Of Style 

A sense of style is a really fun way to express yourself because sense of style means for is to feel confident whatever you wear or wear those clothes in which you feel confident. Do not follow a fashion just because its trending and you have to be a part of that race. A Classy dresser lady has already bagged brownie points from him because the way she dresses gives us a certain impression about the woman personality and preferences. 

My have my biased opinion about dresses, if she drapes a saree I am already in Love (obviously she must know how to carry herself). In my alternate universe she must wear Saree at least once in a week not for people in general for me. Her ability to give an outfit personality AND be comfortable in it is what amazes me.

All said and done, she has her own preferences and rights to choose what is good for her and how she wanted to lead the life. However she can have many secret admirers (Not Stalkers) which even she might not know. Unless you are interfering with her privacy and personal space liking someone is very natural. So my advice to people out there is find someone who has these qualities and keep then with you and fight for them because it will help them as well as you. You will get a chance to be with most amazing person who can inspire you and support you. 

I have heard this quote somewhere “Naari Kal bhi Bhaari thi, Naari Aaj bhi Bhaari hai… Purush kal bhi Aabhari tha Purush aaj bhi Aabhari hai”.

Why Can't We Rise in Love ?

Being a Batman fan, I mostly loved all the dialogues from the movie (Christian Bale is my Batman) but one of the dialogue from that movie is very relevant for the topic which I am trying to explore today. When Alfred asks “Mr. Wayne, Why do we fall?” and then he answers himself “So, we can rise again”. That was a raw idea behind this post and then someone has inspired me in recent times to give some thoughts about how I feel about certain things. So I took the most overrated and over discussed topic for the post “What is Love and why we fall into it”.

Love is a word that has been used in many different contexts. It can be romantic love, platonic love, spiritual love, or even the love for your country. However, the one thing that does not change is the feeling of happiness and excitement when you are in love with someone. But since beginning we have been infused with some borrowed thoughts and I could say feelings too where we have been told that what a love could be. For example all SRK movies for that matter which has given us (boys) complex and set the standard so high that all the girls were looking for Raj and Rahul and in between average looking people got suffered (pain is real). In the same process sense of being lonely for rest of your life made us believe that whatever is being told in movies or stories are real. In this circus the actual feelings got lost and no one knows what is being in love. I have been questioning myself what could it be like being in love or what should I be feeling when I am in love. Then comes the billion dollar question why everyone is falling in love as if it is a mistake or a trap. Being analytical and overthinker by nature I believe we fall in trap, we fall on road and we fall in well which also suggests that we were not paying attention then why people use loosely this phrase “I fell in love” which will follow with the sentence “and it was a mistake”.

To assume of love as something to fall into can be limiting to relationships and in some instances inaccurate. Instead of falling in love, a greater fruitful thinking is to “Rise in Love”. Love is a very complex and difficult thing to define. It is not just one emotion but many emotions that can be hard to identify. Falling in love happens when we are attracted to someone, and we don’t know why. Love is an emotion that we experience and it’s a feeling that cannot be described with words. 

But what if you are unable to understand what your feelings are? 

What if you fall for anyone? 

What if trust and togetherness doesn’t matter to you? 

What if finding a life partner is not important to you? 

What if being in Love with someone is just enough to live life? 

What if your perfect person is in front of you and you do not want to accept that affection? 

Reasons could be 100s but the point which I am trying to derive that we fall when we are not ready, that could be the reason we “fall in love” instead of “Rise in Love”. 

May be falling is always easy and this could be the reason we always fall in love. Just imagine you are falling from 100 foot building and it will take only few seconds for you to reach the bottom of the building. Now you will say that fall in love is not equal to falling from the building. I would agree but it is a fall that has tempted many souls throughout our histories, movies and serials. Love appears inviting and tremendous on the different side of the fall, and we overlook everything so we can leap. As referred earlier that SRK movies have made falling in love so fancy so they can conveniently overlooked the problems in real life. Many of us (including me) hold fantasy about how a real love will look like and feel like. 

Will violin play?

Will I fall like SRK in Om Shanti Om? 

Will I be lost in her eyes ignoring that hello which she is saying to me? 

Will I be lost talking to her and just nod my head in between (Its an art)?

Will it be like fanboy moment?

Lets say you find this person, you may expect this person to understand you, accept your faults and meet all your emotional needs and if all flags turn out to be green then this person will want to marry you. Someone once told me that you want someone who can hear your silence and I was like this could be a too much expectation from someone. But in real life when you project this fantasy of perfection onto whomever you are dating then this fantasy mixes with real life issues and the desperate desire to be loved. When these ingredients mixes it creates a powerful toxic acid for your life. At this time we may feel anger, resentment, doubt and even despair. We think, “How can I be not lucky in love? Where is my Raj from DDLJ? Where is my real Soul mate? Why these things happen with me?  Then we closed our heart from the most important and powerful feeling called Love.

So here is the idea which I want to sell that instead of falling in love, we need to rise in love. We need to evolve beyond our expectations about lover’s nature. We must realize that love is much more than the templates set like soulmate, marriage and family. These ideas have corrupted us (means generations) by media, society, families and those 4 people whom I am searching since childhood. 

If Love (means emotion) could talk, he might ask that why people have been burdened him with accusations that he causes miserable pain. How can a emotion as beautiful as love causes pain, if it is causing pain its not love. For example I have find a girl who I think is picture perfect for me and she will be a perfect object (No disrespect just an example) of my affection and when she fail living up to that expectations, I feel pain. Then who is causing pain, in my opinion Love is not. 

Like a hypocrite, we want unconditional love but in the same sentence we put the condition that my partner should love me like someone whom I have admired in my earlier days. In my opinion Love should be free and unconditional and my point of rising in love means seeing the love unconditionally in all forms. There would not be pain as acceptance is pathway to true love and freedom. If you think you could be happy by binding someone via rituals, norms or other conditions then you are not right entirely. Sometimes people are so good in compromising and due to society and those norms they just live the life in regret and grief. In my opinion that is not an example of leading a good life or having a relationship where you lose yourself in the process.

Our desperation of searching Love that distracts us and keep us away from finding love we truly desire or seek. The Love which starts from you where you first find yourself then be in love without putting a condition there.

Now I have set the context so we could agree that falling in love does some damages over a period of time and you lose a sense of your identity and your personality traits changes basis the preferences of your partner. You always look forward to your partner for validations and seek approvals from him/her. You keep on doing the same thing which your partner likes and in mean time you lose your individuality and forget how happy you were when you first got an idea of being in love. I am sure there are million other ways to go wrong in this approach as love does not teach you that. As I like to showoff that my mathematics and analytical skills are great and when you say things combining with numbers those seems more appealing. So here it goes, two people come together in a relationship to share their space with the feeling of love which means as two individuals you were 100% in love with each other that’s why you decided to come together. If you do not love one hundred per cent of someone, you do no longer deserve their love and it’s as easy as that. Loving must be as convenient as breathing, and it must evoke emotions of joy, happiness and positivity. 

Now as I have established myself as a person who knows it all so here are few pointers which you would save you from falling in love and instead rising in love with your perfect partner:

Accept each other (Meaning 100%)

First rule of relationship which needs to be followed to the core. Embrace the flaws of your partner first and make a peace with it once and for all. Everyone thinks that their life is complex so in that case with whom you are moving forward is no exception which means you and that person built differently. I keep on saying that perfection is an illusion and its better to accept that you might have flaws which will make you more humane. You must have a progressive thought process to understand someone’s behavior instead of judging them basis those short comings.

Give them space to grow

Many people in relationships have trouble with giving each other space. They are afraid that they may lose the other person’s attention, or they think that they will get lost in their partner’s life.

But that isn’t the case. Giving your partner space will help you both to grow individually and together. It allows you to find out more about your self and what you want out of life and your future relationship.

Since we spend a significant amount of time with our partners, we need time apart from them too. That way when we come back together, we are enriched with new takeaways and can tell our stories to each other which leads to more intimacy and understanding of our partners' perspective on things

Have a good Ear

Sometimes all you need is to listen because your partner just want to vent out the thoughts which are bothering them. No matter how contradictory opinions are from each other, you have to remember the rule no. 1 that they are allowed to be different and it doesn’t really matter if you both are not aligned with one thought. If you follow that then instead of having heated arguments you will learn something new from her/him.

5 Complements in a day (lol, who is counting)

Everyone wants to listen something good about themselves. If you complement someone you will get to see the following:

1. Those puppy eyes looking at you (👀)
2. Blushing cheeks which will turn red eventually (😳)
3. And in return this sentence “really, you are joking right?” (😂)

I would do anything possible in the world to see these on a regular basis. You can make them feel special all you need to pay attention to small details (I did PHD) and try to choose words which evoke positivity. This will ensure positivity and happiness all around. 

Learn and Learn to improve 

We should always be open to learning from each other. When we have a willingness to learn from each other and are willing to accept differences, we can gain more knowledge.

Many people are under the impression that they can never learn anything new because they think they know it all. However, people should be open to learning new things. They should be willing to try new methods and strategies so that they can grow in their profession or field. For example I know someone who has totally different point of view about life and that was not practical but when I learn about that person I understood the prospective towards thing and you wont believe that shook my thought process too.

We spend most of our time with people, which means we need to find the right person. But it's not only about the person we date. It may sound like a lot but it's something that is worth thinking about carefully before making a decision. There is nothing more exciting than falling in love and getting to know someone on such a deep level, feeling butterflies as your feelings grow for him/her and there is nothing more important. But you should make yourself a promise that even after falling in love or after failing in love you will never hit rock bottom again. You have to take care of yourself and you will date again and this time in Love, you will rise instead of falling into it. Rising is the only option available for you because you are not suppose to go down because no one deserve being hurt in Love. must know that you have to rise because you are Love and Love is not here to let you fall and break. 

In other words, despite all the pointers and opinion I have, there’s something about love, falling in love, being in love surpasses all our definitions and attempts to understand. But, in the end, we love who we love, and the act of loving makes us who we are. If I do not close this post with following lines then I am not at all doing justice to this

Jise dhoondhta hoon main har gali… Wo Ladki hai Kahaan…!!!

Lets Meet a Virgo – A Zodiac Sign

 I decided to stop writing and tried to archive this blog as my personal diary because things are happening in life on a random basis. Before I could do so as I have a curious mind and am a overthinker I thought of writing something about a very special Zodiac sign with whom vibes are on a different level. There are few people who are in my life and share the same Zodiac sign “VIRGO”. Virgos are the balance between two extremes they are loyal and romantic and the same time they can be critical and aloof. If you want to have a good connection with Virgo you must know how to work with a Virgo’s quirks, either they are positive or negative. The most important thing is to be patient and understanding. My Mom and few of my friends are Virgos so I might know what I am talking about.

You might have seen those detective stories where Karamchand is taking his time and going through his thoughts to connect the dots and dissect every tiny detail which he has captured. Using his supernatural deduction, the guy identifies the solution in clear flash. I might not know the Zodiac sign of Karamchand but I am sure he would be Virgo. As this is Virgo’s ultimate super power. They are born with a giant magnifying glass via which they experience the world. They notice almost everything starting from dust on the floor to how you smile when you are in love. They are willing to help make your reality better with their magnified understanding. I think I have set the context then let grab the popcorn so we can decode a Virgo.

A Virgo is the most grounded sign of the Zodiac and they are very flexible, non-obsessive and easy going by nature. Virgos are hard core professionals and if I say they worship their work then I am not over amplifying. They experience series of job changes and after spending time in exploring areas in initial stage of their career they get to their right path and stick to it rebelliously. It may take a while for their partners or family members to come to terms with this however, like the Libra, the Virgos too balance well between their professional and personal lives.

An empathetic soul: A Virgo is always there for the people in need, it does not matter whether they are known to them. On other hand they can be a bit analytical and critical about the people, this trait comes naturally to them. However, if you combine criticism and modesty then people take criticism also with open hand. My favourite trait in Virgo is their great sense of humour and their ability to work under pressure. It comes naturally to them. Count your blessings if you have a Virgo as a life partner this line is dedicated to my Pappa if he decided to read this post.

A variable Sign: It means they are open minded mates, eager to understand your opinion on any latest movie or can plan an impromptu trip. They are open to change within themselves that’s how they roll. For example, I know someone if he/she can go to a religious place to live for 3 months he/she will come with new wardrobe and with religious views along with some new habits. They tend to surprise even best of us.

They are guided by philanthropy and can envision a better world where they try to convert that vision into reality. Don’t get confused it is different from daydreaming and never stop them from doing this else you would become their number one enemy. They might feel insensitive, but they truly want the best for others.

Worst Traits: I don’t know how this section would be perceived when it will reach out to the Virgos I know but I will try to keep this as blunt as Virgos are. Most of the time they feel disappointed just because they can not fix everything around them. They wont accept that the universe is fundamentally flawed. Once they are disappointed, they keep these thoughts to themselves as they are chasing the impossible standards and sometime, they suffer from imposter syndrome (Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence). They could try to maintain order, but they must learn that life is messy and that’s why it is interesting.

A secret which I know about Virgo: As we have established that Virgo has high standards, and they are high maintenance, but I know for the fact that they crave simplicity and have a deep connection to nature. They can be happy on coffee date around the corner coffee shop, but you must be ready to listen the critics if the coffee is not good. You can catch them reading books, doing their own medicine making from herbs, having green tea while enjoying the nature. You can also see them analyzing each and everything under the Sun. Virgo operates from a place where inward thinking is the highest skill which means they just recognize the danger of speaking too soon or without being sure. I am not implying that they are unwilling to express their thoughts. There is a difference.

Even after reading and analyzing all these traits, you are interested in dating a Virgo… its an interesting decision. This thought could come because of two reasons either you have your life sorted already or you are open to getting you life together because this journey may be tiring but would be very interesting. Dating a Virgo is not a joke, and it is tough than dating a Libra.

Virgo is critical perfectionist who will call you out on your harmful behavior and help you find solutions to reconcile (this has become my favorite word since I moved to Bangalore) with your demons and in order to do so they can give you silent treatments. Remember, they have the best of intentions for those they love, and they will always communicate with you when they feel the time is right. I might need validation on these thoughts because these are based on my observations and the knowledge which I acquired 7 years ago when I met a Virgo first apart from my Mom.

So even after all this you want to go ahead and ask her out then you must know the following:

Straight forward and No nonsense attitude: They are very straight forward and have zero tolerance to unnecessary flashiness. When it comes to relationship, they hate mind games and withholding emotions. Instead of them making assumptions for you they prefer having you to be straight with them. I personally feel this is the most difficult part for me to go through as it is not a great trait (Being a Cancerian) I have. While pursuing Virgo, you must know that communication is the key. You must ensure that they know about your feelings else they might consider the whole process as a waste of time. They will think just as hard about your relationship as they do the meaning of life, so be willing to share what you think, too.

More thoughtful even from your thoughts: They have a mammoth memory and all the thinking Virgos do means that they know how to make people feel special. They wont need you to be that thoughtful in return as they often like being the most thoughtful person in the room. If you ever able to surprise your Virgo with something just as thoughtful now and then then your bond would be stronger than ever.

They look for someone who is driven, intelligent and mature and the only way to Virgo’s heart is to earn their respect. She would really want to know what you are thinking about, even if it's something as small as what kind of food you want for dinner or what movie you should watch next.

Loyal to a fault but not to be taken for granted: Virgos are loyal and committed to the things they believe in. They are also very organized, practical, and logical. A Virgo is someone who will always stay true to their word and follow through on their commitments. They work hard to make sure that they have a plan ahead of time so that they can be prepared for any eventuality. Virgos will do whatever it takes to get the job done and do it well - even if it means doing more than what is expected of them. So if you ever try to do a smart act then they will promptly hand you a one way ticket out of their lives. They don’t believe in bad investments either in relationships or otherwise.

No one should cheat at all, but you shouldn't cheat on a Virgo especially. Not only will these masters of intuition undoubtedly find out, but you will be breaking the trust of some of the most trusting people in the world. Trust and loyalty like theirs is hard to come by. They will always try their hardest to see the good in their friends and partners.

Kissed Many Frogs: As they have being on top of the game called life. It is most likely that your Virgo has loved many Mr./Ms. Wrong. It would be incorrect to say that they didn’t see the flaws in their partner, but they were willing to fix the flaws and tried to help their partners in their early encounters. In my personal opinion this is a blessing and a curse of being a Virgo as their compassion is taken for granted.

You have to be thankful to your Virgo for what they are doing for you and you must return the same dedication to them. Just try not to be another Frog.

Maa… Bahu Mil Gyi : Virgos are very family oriented and they will be a perfect partner whom you can introduce to your family. They will treat your family like their own and jump to help them whenever they need. Virgos prefer quieter ambiences to loud crowded places which makes family outings much more appealing to them than a wild night out with friends. So you have your family outing planner in your Virgo.

Your parents will love that your Virgo is hardworking with defined goals and these are kinds of people you bring home to your Mom because they are there for you for the long haul. Once you prove yourself to a Virgo they wont let you go easily.

Don’t Force them into things they don’t want to do (read Patience): Introvert by nature they might love you very much but they need their alone time. If the Virgo doesn’t want to go out then try suggesting staying home, eating dinner and Netflix.  Sometimes, a Virgo will need to be completely alone. Do not get upset if a Virgo does not wish to spend time with you. Use this as an opportunity to run tasks or catch up with your friends and family.

When in a relationship, you have to be patient. Be affectionate but don’t over do it like a 18 years old kid doing cute things (Calendar booking) too soon or you might just scare them away. Despite the random socializing, there’s a bit of a loner in every Virgo. They are fiercely independent and plunder some alone time every now and then. When in a relationship, as a partner, it’s imperative for you to understand that Virgos need to maintain an equal balance between their time with you, their family, their friends and their time alone.

At the same time, make sure to not be too clingy or needy because that'll only push them further away. Just be patient and give your Virgo the freedom to do their own thing. I promise they’ll appreciate it!

Ready for Harsh Critics: As you all know by now that Virgos are perfectionist and have an eagle eye when it comes to spot the errors. They notice every little details and sometimes it makes you feel that they are trying to be a know it all. It will become a horror story when you know that they are very vocal about pointing out those mistakes to you (they cant keep this with them as they want to improve you). Virgos are also the most self-critical of the zodiac. They take great pride in their diverse knowledge of things and tend to be very hard on themselves if they fail at a task.

When in a relationship, it can be a bit of a challenge to put up with their ridiculously high standards. As a partner, this is where you need to go the extra mile to support your Virgo when they’re being self-critical and remind them that they're only human too!

Well Informed and intense debaters: Virgos are highly intelligent and knowledgeable that’s the reason they admire this quality in their partner as well. One piece of advice that you must not challenge or question a Virgo unless necessary because they can suddenly become quite angry. Even in relationship, as they have already thought through and in case of debate or an argument they are rarely on the losing side. Generally, they don’t make a case unless they are sure so if this situation comes and you are up against them then you must have your facts right because your Virgo would be ready with all guns and cannons.

When on a date, remember that your goal is to know each other so your questions should be around those thoughts where you could get to know what matters to her. You must pay attention and keep eye contact and when a Virgo speaks up its after careful thought and observations. For example if I need someone to proof read my book then I would go to a Virgo women who would be in my corner rooting for my success and willing to go above and beyond.

In my personal opinion, she is a dreamer and a woman on mission who knows what needs to be done. That’s the only reason I want to be close to a Virgo so I can begin to recognize her. I believe if I would have a privilege of ever seeing her, I will definitely find someone who is nothing short of magical. She would be my source of inspiration who would be ready to listen to my dreams and my bucket list. I know good things come with time and apart from being persistent I cant do much about this Zodiac sign. I want to ask her about her day and want to see how much hard work is being invested for the future she has imagined where things would be perfect.

She’s basically perfect. Maybe *too* perfect

At last I would say, you must cherish your Virgo partner and they’ll cherish you right back. They rarely believe in second chances so don't ever give them a reason to mistrust you.

Sources: Internet and Personal Experience!

Maa, Me and Cancer - A Phase of Life

I have stated enough and most of the people around me know that My Mom is my support function and I am yet to imagine a life without her. I would say I am not prepared for the day when she would not be around and thinking of that frightened me and sometimes reasons of my sleepless night. I am still processing the news which I got 10 months ago when we have discovered that she has this disease named “Cancer”. I have never thought that I would have the first-hand experience of this life-threatening disease. This disease required rigorous treatment and if someone has been diagnosed with this then apart from the that person their family and friends will experience waves of emotions which can’t be explained. The diagnosis of cancer is a family experience that changes the lives of all its members, bringing an immense amount of stress and many challenging situations. The daily routine, common activities, and distribution of duties all must change.

I am known to be a less emotional person and somehow I have never tried to break the myth about it as it has helped me to not indulge in social activities. I have never thought in my life that a disease can change so much around me. It felt like my whole support system got infected and I could not able to breath because I am yet to figure out a life for me where I wont have my mother around. I can say it with 100% confidence that Cancer is a family experience, and often family members have as many problems coping with it as it does the diagnosed patient. The family goes through different stages of adjusting to the disease. The emotional reactions which include anger, bitterness, guilt and adjustment pain, and may or may not lead to the acceptance of the disease. Mom was also struggling with acceptance of the disease initially and we have seen multiple instances where we were in denial and shock and asking each other "This can't be true." Why this has to happen with us. Specially for me it was more like Anger and Rage as I already have my personal Life issues where I was seeking support from her and kept questioning to God as “This isn’t fair” and “Why me?” I am yet to get an answer but soon will find and will write about that too.

If I have to create a timeline of emotions for my Mom it would be like below (people say I like writing in points):

Anger and rage - "Why wasn't I protected from this?"

Stress and depression - "Why should I get treatment? I'll die anyway."

Grief and fear - "I will never feel safe again." “My Kids are suffering because of me”

We had so many late-night discussions and we had become “Cancer specialist” by searching day and night about the steps involved and about the treatments and Doctors.  Finally, we got the Doctor who suppose to treat and operate on Mom’s disease. People who got to know about her were telling that feeling strong and positive will help in healing process but the mood swings of Mom’s and me (I am known for my mood swings) was on different level. My emotions were hidden under the thick layer of Sarcasm and self-proclaimed astrologist who was telling everyone that everything would be fine. Before this post none would believe me that I was shit scared.

I always knew in my life that dealing with emotions would not be easy for me and I have stopped being vulnerable even in front of people who cares. When Mom diagnosed with Cancer, it was very difficult to identify and honor the feelings and there is no book in the world which can tell you the way to feel about something. Yet, working through your emotions can help lower stress. This can lead to improved mental and physical health.

I am no expert, but I can surly say people will tell you to be strong and have patience and faith but it is easier said than done. I have a very screwed up personal life (Discussion for some other day) and apart from MAA I had nothing to hold when I am down or when nothing is working out in life and suddenly your support function needs a deadly support, it is very difficult to cope up in this situation. When you are mentally not organised, you end up ruining all your personal connections and people.  People around you wont understand the situation you are going through and even you wont be able to explain because it seems very simple in other person’s head (as his Mom has cancer and treatment is going on and she would recover soon and this is a phase which will pass) but it’s difficult to explain as what’s happening to you mentally. I have never been known to share my feelings even if my life is on stake (not something I am proud of).

As I keep making points and try to find answers in bullet points. Here are my five pointers as how We (Mom and Family along with me) are going through this journey:

Accept your feelings: Be kind to yourself and avoid judging yourself for your emotions. Try to pay attention to what you’re feeling and spend time with people who are positive and uplifting. Many emotional challenges will lessen or go away as you move through cancer treatment. Your sense of hope and confidence can increase with time. At First going for operation was tough and due to 3^rd stage it was kind of difficult for everyone to keep hope but we did not have an option. First time we got to know or visit the doc was on my Birthday when I took Mom for doc visit and within 5 days my brother has consulted more than 10 doctors about this situation.

I might have irritated him much by asking stupid questions and he has also given some uncomfortable replies at that time as he was also going through the same emotional process and has different way of dealing with it. Once you accept your feelings and go through the pain of worst possibility then you can see the light and can hold the hand of Hope. Hope would work for you when you are mentally prepared for worst but in your heart you keep hope alive and each heartbeats says “Everything going to be alright”. In my best of Judgement (I have poor judgements too with no regrets) accepting your feelings and thoughts (negative or positive) in these kind of situation works.

How to deal with emotions: It's natural to feel loss after receiving a cancer diagnosis. At first, the thought of living with cancer and treatment can be overwhelming and my Mom was no exception. She could have gone to the verge of giving up Hope too, but we were there for the support. We kept her engage in this journey by making jokes on the disease or by telling her that we all are there in this. Having support system is an important part of dealing with emotions. Dealing with your emotions along with family members is like having cocktail when you do not like to mix your drink. It hits you hard and in some scenarios you blame yourself of the things which were beyond your control.

If feelings of sadness and depression grow stronger with time, for me I have a different type of coping mechanism. Either I find some anchor who can let me flow with my emotions and work as a support system. This has really worked for me all the time and last time it worked like a charm but this time the anchor was gone and I was vulnerable to emotions. Took a leap of faith and find a way to process my thoughts and emotions but having mood swings like mine it didn’t work out even if I tried not to ruin it but eventually, I am a champion in it. When I get no way out I started doing random things like travelling even if it is not required and taking help of some medicines too. I stopped writing since then because I didn’t find peace in that too (I am not a good writer though and it wont change a thing in the world).

My advice these emotional issues can be damaging so open up with people (might be sound like preaching but this is the best way to go about it) and you have to find right kind of people. :P

Deal with people reactions: For Mom dealing with the emotions and beliefs of other people about cancer may also be challenging. For example, those closest to her might worry about losing her. She was concerned about the changes in her life might affect us. In her own words “Everyone is around me and not going for work (WFH was blessing in disguise) and kind of money is getting spend makes me feel sad as I could not do much about it”. I can understand that It can be hard to deal with the fears of others while you are facing your own.

Sometimes people are not sure what to say when they learn you have cancer patient as your Mom. Even as they try to offer support, some might say or do things that hurt your feelings or offend you. Some people are uncomfortable thinking about the possibility of cancer in their own lives. Because of their own fears, they may not know the best way to help you with your illness.

Then comes second type of People who can also pass on incorrect information, false beliefs and myths about cancer. For example, although we don’t yet know what causes most types of cancers, people might try to tell you a reason for your cancer. They might give their opinion about the best cure for cancer. It becomes critical when their ideas and beliefs are different from yours. Whenever I see that happening I just speak up and let them know that doctors are doing their job and we (me and that person) are not qualified enough to pass judgement. I can surly say that people don’t like me.

Fear of recurrence: Even if Doctors and reports are positive and there are no signs but the thought of recurrence is always there with her. She might worry that every ache or pain is a sign of her cancer recurring. Eventually these fears will fade, though they may never go away completely. I keep on telling her that you should be honest about your feeling or any issue which you feel and try not to take guilt about your feeling or ignore them in hopes that they will go away.

In my opinion to fight this syndrome you have to take the control of the fear and see what you can do t influence your health. Try to do the following atleast:

• Go to all your follow up appointments: You may fear the worst when it's time for your next follow-up appointment. Don't let that stop you from going.
• Get all of your follow-up tests. Discuss with your doctor plans for follow-up and monitoring of your cancer. Together, you will formulate a specific follow-up plan based on your specific situation.
• Eat healthy and eat regularly
• Keep busy. Get out of the house and find activities that will take your mind off your fears.

Stress, Depression, Anxiety and Loneliness post treatment: All these are any which ways not good for health and when you are recovering from Cancer these could create issues too. All these are phycological and I will give you my Mom’s example, When she was diagnosed with Cancer and our entire focus was on treatment and timely medicine to make her healthy. She has followed all the instructions and now when she is nearing to complete the treatment (Radio therapy is running), all projects and her work around the house giving her stress because she wanted to complete everything in one go so she can catchup to the pace. When she is not able to do then Lingering feelings of sadness and anger can interfere with her daily life. For many people these feelings will dissipate. But for others, these feelings can develop into depression and anxiety. So we keep on having discussions and plans in order to give her small targets to reach so we both can be happy.

She feels some time as others cant understand that what she has been through, which makes it hard to relate to other people and can lead to loneliness. If she kept on feeling that way then we become unsure as how to help her as no one wants to upset her. We keep on interacting on the issues and medicine and other not much important stuff (about my future and life) with her which keep her busy.

I can keep on going as this phase has taught me a lot and make me a better human being. I got the clarity of mind and my overthinking skill has prepared me for better to worst scenarios. Most of you might find this post boring but this is my way to keep journal and record my emotional encounters. I hope next time I would come up with some interesting topic (suggestions can work).

Fallen in Love with a Girl wearing Black Saree - A confession

This is the story of how I fell in love with you. It begins, unlike most stories, not when you first said hello to me and decided that you will talk to me, but months after we had become friends and when I got to know about you very closely. As I claim that I consume knowledge and observe people basis behavior and intent then how can I not be fallen for you. I hadn’t meant to fall in love with you. You were the last person on earth that I could ever see myself missing or feeling attached to the core especially given how much I would joke around with you about the things are going in each one of our life. I was going through a rough patch in my life where I was almost lost in dark who was having work as a distraction and just surviving basis some liquids and smokes. I have never thought that I will be in a condition to write this post for you as I always believed that you were out of my league and this won't work. I even cant be an option for you for obvious reasons but as they say Love is Magic and beyond logic. 

Why this post?

If I already have thought about all the circumstances and multiple outcomes of our story where I have convinced myself that it is not the best option for you then why I am writing this post as confession. In recent days I felt vert threatened by the thought that I might loose someone I love the most. I promised that if all went well, then I will put forward a truth which noone knows till date (They might have an idea as I might have given hints) and that can affect me deeply. Now things are going back to normal so I made and amendment in that promise that I will tell this truth via this post as this truth might not be worthy of someone's time.

Why it is Love at First Sight ?

It is because I have never thought about our equation earlier than this day. The day I saw her in Drape in Black Saree and attending the January wedding, I just lost it and for atleast 25 mins (Random Number to attract audience) the only thought was running like a sticker on my mind "Is that you or I am in my dreams?" along with a followup thought "Now I am creating a new Mess". I did all sort of escapism to run away from that feeling and multiple time validated also but it remained the same till now. 

If you only love the way they love, walk, or talk, there are fewer chances that the relationship will be a success. So, make sure you are sure about your feelings before making the first move.I also read lot of books to divert my mind and tried to undo things but you can not just wiped the feelings. There is a science behind this feeling which I read somewhere (if you do not find this consider that writer is me)  Even though some people do not believe in it.  True, deep love may not exist yet when you first meet someone, but you may create the memory of falling love later on in your relationship (think about it). This is my experience about this feeling and I can say that love at first sight can be real for certain people but staying in love is the deeper challenge.

How was she looking?

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.”

When you like a woman, what do you really like in her? It will be different with different people, and it will be different at different times. If love really grows, first you fall in love with the woman because she is beautiful. That is the first available beauty - her face, her eyes, her proportion, her elegance. When I saw her in Black Saree with golden flowers and pink colour border was just flawless. Forgive me saying this but she was dangerously beautiful because that’s the way I felt at that point of time. Seeing her smile brings me a heavenly peace that can not be described and her Red Lipstick and big pearls earrings making her the most beautiful soul on earth. When I paid more attention, I noticed her scrolled ears and her elegant nose. It was love at first light. Her luminous, heavenly-white teeth flashed as she posed for the selfie. Her hair was a glorious tumble of star beam-gold and her black eyes set my heart on fire. When she broke into a smile, her mesmerizing, oyster-white teeth lit up the room. It could jolt you like an electric current when that megawatt smile gave you her full attention, filed to perfection. It was her look that makes her appear wild and superior.

 

All women and men at that party looking towards her and as she was the point of attraction there. She might have approached by many Guys and may be girls too. I can not comment on that as even I was not there and all this I have felt just by watching a photograph of her on social media. That was the day everything got changed for me.

 

I think I am a man in love. In a world where constant heartbreaks are approaching everyone. We meet at a point where things are not great for anyone of us and I have never tried explaining. I do not want to manipulate a true soul with my selfish intentions as I wanted to feel blessed and privileged. I just wanted to be the person with whom she can share anything without being hesitated.

  

This quote is so so true. The worst day of loving someone is the day that you lose them. We gasp and ache for air that only comes in short insufficient bursts. 

When this happens, we always question ourselves about why that person came in our life. If he/she would never have entered our life, then we would have never suffered such pain on losing him/her. That person's entry in our life, sometimes, changes us wholly and we do not ever get to be the same again after losing them also. 

By - A Patient's attendant (Room No. 102)